Monk, Season 2

[Monk and Sharona talk to handyman Ian Agnew about his lawsuit against the Babcocks]

Monk:
Thank you for seeing us.

Ian Agnew:
Oh, I don't mind. I don't get many visitors. So what can I do for you?

Monk:
Mr. Agnew, we were wondering about your accident.

Ian Agnew:
Please, sit down. [he appears to have a rather sudden pained reaction, possibly from the pipe]

Sharona:
[concerned] Ian, I used to be a nurse. Is there anything I can do?

Ian Agnew:
No, thank you. Comes and goes. It's the pipe. [points to the protruding piece of metal pipe] I have a piece of pipe in my head. [pauses] I don't get many visitors! Please sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit!...

Monk:
Sir, about your accident.

Ian Agnew:
Ah, the accident. I really don't remember much about it. We were building a cabana near the pool for the Babcocks. And I was working on the roof and there was a tile loose. And the next thing I knew, I woke up and I was a human smokestack. [laughs] I'll get it! [picks up the phone] Hello! Hello! Must be the wrong number. [to Monk and Sharona] HOW'S THAT COFFEE? [shouts at an empty spot on the floor] BAD DOG!

[He turns back to Monk and Sharona]

Ian Agnew:
I haven't worked since.

Monk:
Huh. How did you get the job?

Ian Agnew:
Mrs. Babcock hired me. Although by the time I had started, she wasn't there anymore. They split up, she ran off, I never got the full story. I dealt mostly with her husband, Stew. I'll get it. [He picks up the phone again, about to talk to another imaginary caller] You know, I just changed my phone number, and it doesn't seem to help. I don't get many visitors!

Sharona:
Did you go to the trial?

Ian Agnew:
I testified.

Sharona:
Did you spend any time with the jury?

Ian Agnew:
No, ma'am. I wish I had. I wanted to thank them, they were very generous. I don't get many visitors! [singing] Daisy, Daisy, tell me your answer true! [turns back to the empty spot on the floor] BAD DOG! [then back to Monk and Sharona]

Ian Agnew:
You know what I think I miss the most? [points to the pipe] Not having this pipe in my head. I have to take this. [picks up the phone again]

Ian Agnew:
Hello. Hello.

Sharona:
[to Monk] I believe you're not the craziest man in the world.

Ian Agnew:
[talking to the imaginary caller] How did you get this number?

Monk:
We'll let ourselves out.

Ian Agnew:
Tell me who this is right now! [Monk and Sharona walk out] Well I don't believe that for a minute!