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Monk, Season 5

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[Jack and Adrian's truck is careening down the hill, out of control.]

Jack Monk:
I gotta say something: I'm sorry! I'm sorry I wasn't there for you and Ambrose! I'm so sorry! Oh, I'm a bad father! That's all that matters!

Monk:
You're not a bad father! Look at Jack, Jr.!

Jack Monk:
He's a putz!

Monk:
What?

Jack Monk:
Actually, he's not even a putz! He dreams one day of becoming a putz! He lives downstairs in my basement, he smokes pot all day long, he steals money from my wallet!

Monk:
He's not a doctor?

Jack Monk:
No, I made it all up! I lied! I wanted to have a son I could be proud of! I didn't know I had one in San Francisco.

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