Monk, Season 7

[Monk and Natalie are driving along a busy road, with Natalie splitting her focus between the road in front of her and the cameraman riding in the backseat]

Natalie:
There's been a breakthrough in the case, it's pretty exciting.

Monk:
Don't look back! Why are you looking back?

Natalie:
So it turns out both victims worked at the same restaurant. It's one of those themed restaurants; it's called the Morbid Cafe, and the Captain wants Mr. Monk to go talk to the manager.

Monk:
Okay, could you just pull over? Please, I'm feeling nauseous.

Natalie:
Did I mention he also doesn't like driving?

[cuts to Monk and Natalie stepping into a restaurant with horror movie decor, followed by Novak's camera crew]

Monk:
Oh my God, people actually eat here?

Natalie:
Yeah, Julie comes here all the time, she loves it. See all these props? They're from old horror movies.

Monk:
You should call the Board of Health. [A man wearing vampire makeup steps through one of the curtains]

Vampire Manager:
[staying in character] Welcome! I have been expecting you! You are from the police department, is that correct?

Monk:
That's right. I'm Adrian Monk and this is Natalie Teeger.

Vampire:
[taking Natalie's right hand] Oh Natalie? What a "delicious" name. [He kisses Natalie's right hand]

Adrian Why are you talking like that?

Vampire Manager:
I don't know what you mean, but I see we go to the same tailor! [makes an "ooh" sound]

Natalie:
Mr. Gleckson, we'd like to talk to you about a woman named Cassandre Rank. I believe she used to work here.

Vampire Manager:
Yeeessss, Cassandre Rank. She was a most delectable young girl. I remember drinking her blood; she had the most exquisite taste-

Natalie:
She was killed two days ago. Somebody strangled her. [The manager breaks character]

Vampire Manager:
What? Are-are you serious? Oh my God, you-you must have thought that, look-look you know that this is just a job, right? And this is not real blood; it's all makeup. Oh hell, and that stuff about drinking her blood? Oh crap-

Monk:
When did she work here?

Vampire Manager:
Uh, about a year ago. But she only worked her for about a month; 'cause she got a part in a play or something and then she split. Nobody stays here that long.

Natalie:
There was another woman, a Barbara McFarland? She worked here too, didn't she?

Vampire Manager:
[slipping back into character] Yeeeesssss! Barbara McFarland, she had a very delectable neck, I'm sure in fact-

Natalie Teeger:
She was killed too.

Vampire Manager:
[breaking character] Oh come on! Why can't you just say that? Now I look like a monster; a real monster; and I'm not! [stammers] Oh, oh, oh, yeah, I knew her. She was here for three months.

Natalie:
Yeah did they know each other? Barbara and Cassandre?

Vampire Manager:
I don't think so, I don't think they ever met. Cassandre left about a year before Barbara showed up, so-

Monk:
All right, we're gonna need a list of your employees: everyone who worked here when they did.