Monk, Season 8

Monk:
All right, I would like to say a few words about our friend, Leland Francis Stottlemeyer.

Capt. Stottlemeyer:
Thank you, thank you very much.

Monk:
[reads from a notecard] And it goes like this: "A man walks into a bar with a duck on his head." There's more, there's more. "The bartender says, 'Say, aren't you Leland Stottlemeyer, whose first marriage was annulled after five days, and whose second wife, Karen, left him after 20 years? And then you dated Linda Fusco, who was later convicted of first-degree murder?'" Wait, wait. "And then Leland says, 'That's right.' And then the bartender says, 'Every relationship you've ever had has ended in disaster! And you wanna get married again? You're crazy! No wonder you have a duck on your head!'" And Leland says-

Capt. Stottlemeyer:
And Leland says, "I need a drink!" [He gets much applause from the other cops]