Parks and Recreation, Season 5

Ann:
Stop bidding on my waffle iron.

Ben:
You're futuremrstigerwoods?

Ann:
I made that profile, like, ten years ago. I don't know how to change it. The point is I'm getting that waffle iron for Leslie for Breakfast Day.

Ben:
Uh, no, you're not. I'm getting it for her for Waffle Day. Wait, you have a breakfast day too? Mine's in June.

Ann:
Please, Ben. This is the celebration of the anniversary of the first time we hung out at JJ's, which she considers the beginning of our friendship.

Ben:
Well, imagine being married to her. It's like being smothered with a hand-quilted pillow filled with cherished memories. I can't believe I'm complaining about how thoughtful my wife is. [loud to the room] Sorry, honey. I love you.

Ann:
Look, I have known her for longer, I have five years' worth of anniversaries, so I have seniority.

Ben:
Oh, god. Oh, no! We've lost the auction.

Ann:
What- no!

Ben:
Somebody swooped in at the last second, and now we're both screwed.

Ann:
No! Okay, Tyrion Lannister, why don't you just cast a spell and get us the waffle iron back?

Ben:
Oh, okay. I don't even have time to tell you how wrong you are. [pause] Actually, it's gonna bug me if I don't. The Lannisters while very wealthy, do not possess the magical abilities of, say, the warlocks of Qarth for example.

Ann:
This is why we don't hang out.