Peep Show, Series 5

Mark:
(Good old Jeremy's mum. The more sophisticated end of the mum spectrum. The sort of mum you'd buy in John Lewis.)

Jez:
Mummy, coffee, f***y hurry uppy.

Mark:
(Whereas he's the sort of son you'd get free with Nuts magazine.)

Jez:
Did you bring those CDs like I told you?

Jackie:
Oh yes, they're in my handbag. Shall I fetch them?

Jez:
Might be an idea. Oh, and guess what, you forgot to top-up my phone. Again.

Mark:
Sorry, Jez, is there some reason why you're being so incredibly rude to your mum?

Jez Oh, right, stick up for mummy. You don't know her, Mark. You don't know her tricks. Anyway, what's it to you? Do you want to f*** my mum, is that it? Mum, Mark wants to f*** you.

Mark Shut up, Jeremy.

Jez He definitely wants to f*** you, Mum.

Jackie Stop showing off to Mark, Jeremy.

Jez Me? I'm not the one dressed like a prossy.

Mark:
Please, Jez! This level of conflict may be usual for you, but it's not healthy - I'm going to have a heart attack!

Jez:
Oh, and I suppose your relationship with your mum is healthy, is it? Sitting in silence watching Taggart. Thirty years of mutual resentment eating away at you.

Mark:
We like Taggart. Even the new ones.