Peep Show, Series 5

Jeremy:
She's trying to shaft me, Mark! You've gotta dump her, it's a no-brainer.

Mark:
It is not a no-brainer. I'll have to think about it. It's a brainer. It's a real brainer. See the thing is, I don't think I've ever done sex right before.

Jeremy:
Oh, you're fine, mate. Stick with Missionary, you're a sexual civilian. Leave the disgusting stuff to me.

Mark:
Cally's teaching me, she's giving me second-by-second detailed instructions of what to put where for how long

Jeremy:
That's cheating! Anyone can please a woman if she tells you what to do. You're not allowed to ask, that's the whole point.