Red Dwarf, Series V

Inquisitor:
You have been granted the greatest gift of all: the gift of life. Tell me - what have you done to deserve this superlative good fortune?

Rimmer:
Well, I say this with the highest respect, but...what gives you the right to ask - no, actually, demand - that answer of me - your magnificence? (this last is delivered hurriedly with a bow)

Inquisitor:
ALL must answer to the Inquisitor!

Rimmer:
But how do I know I'll get a fair hearing?

Inquisitor:
Because...like all who stand before the Inquisitor...your judge shall be...(he flips up his visor revealing...Rimmer!)...yourself!

Rimmer:
Oh, smeg.

Inquisitor Rimmer:
'Oh, smeg' indeed, matey!

Rimmer:
Everyone is judged by their own self?

Inquisitor Rimmer:
It's a bit metaphysical, I know, but it's the only fair way. Now then: justify yourself.

Rimmer:
Well...first, I've -

Inquisitor Rimmer:
Liar!