Robin Hood, Series 2 (2007)

[The Fool is entertaining the Sheriff, Gisborne and others]

Fool:
"Richard the Lionheart", they call him! Now, going into battle in a foreign land, it's not the heart of a lion you want, is it? Since when did a heart hurt anybody?! Come on, then! Come on! I've got the heart of a lion! You can imagine the Saracens translating that, can't you? "He's got the what of a lion?!" The teeth? The jaws? The claws? Nooooo! The heart! Richard the Lionclaw, "Jerusalem's yours, come in, sit down, help yourself!" Lionheart?!

Sheriff:
[to Gisborne] He's good. Very good.

Fool:
Forget about it! It's no wonder it's taking so long over there, is it? [Laughter. The Sheriff laughs and Gisborne smiles] Mind you, mind you... It's better than his brother, isn't it? Prince John. [deadly silence] What's Prince John doing? Sitting at home? Heart of a dormouse?

[Two soldiers seize the Fool]

Sheriff:
[angrily] Prince John is a friend of mine.

Fool:
[freeing himself] It's a joke! It's what I do! I do other things. Let's try some soothsaying. [to a guard who has a hold of him] Sit down! [He makes the guard sit] Sit down! [The guard stands up again] I'll make some predictions, and then I'll make them come true. Someone in this room will bare their buttocks to the Sheriff tonight!

Sheriff:
TAKE THAT MAN TO THE DUNGEONS NOW!!!

Fool:
[As the soldiers seize him again and start dragging him away] Look, hang on! Prediction two: Sir Guy's joint will rise from the dead!

Gisborne:
What's that supposed to mean?

Fool:
Your woodcock, Sir Guy. I can bring it back to life.

Gisborne:
Get rid of him!

[The guards start dragging him away]

Fool:
You'll like my third prediction, it's about Prince John. One day, Prince John will be King of England!

Sheriff:
I know that already.

Fool:
But did you know that there's something in Nottingham that can stop him?

Sheriff:
Like what?

[The Fool puts his legs around the beam]

Fool:
Lardner's Ring.

Sheriff:
What is "Lardner's Ring"?

Fool:
Well, let me go and I'll tell you.

Sheriff:
[to the soldiers] Lock him in the cellar overnight. Flog him in the morning. And then he'll tell us! Now that really is funny!

[The Sheriff and others roar with laughter; Gisborne smiles]

Fool:
You should listen to me, I know what I'm talking about!

[As he is being dragged away, The Fool's legs are still wrapped around the beam, causing his trousers to fall down]

Fool:
Ah! The first prediction! I told you, and the others will follow. Beware the power of Lardner's Ring!

[The Fool smiles as he is dragged out of the room]