Saturday Night Live, Season 1

George Carlin:
Thank you! Talk about a live show! It's nice to see you, welcome, and thanks for joining us- live! Um... I'm kinda glad that we're on at night, so that we're not competing with all the football and baseball. So many, man... and this is the time of year when there's both, you know? Football's kinda nice, they changed it a little bit- they moved the hash marks in. Guys found it and smoked them, anyway! But you know, football wants to be the number-one sport, the national pastime. And I think it already is, really, because football represents something we are- we are Europe Junior. When you get right down to it, we're Europe Junior. We play a Europe game. What was the Europe game? (high voice) "Let's take their land away from them! You'll be the pink, on up; we'll be blue, the red and the green!" Ground acquisition. And that's what football is, football's a ground acquisition game. You knock the crap out of eleven guys and take their land away from them. Of course, we only do it ten yards at a time. That's the way we did it with the Indians- we won it little by little. First down in Ohio, Midwest to go!