Scrubs, Season 6

Dr. Kelso:
What are you thinking, Ted?

Ted:
[voiceover] I could jam this [knife] through the soft spot on his temple, then slit my wrists with it before anyone got in to stop me... [to Kelso] The usual, sir.

Dr. Kelso:
Well, you'd never do it; you don't have the guts.

[Carla and the nurses walk in]

Carla:
If it's okay with you, we'll take that raise now.

Dr. Kelso:
Okay, but in this little fantasy of yours, can I not have prostate problems any more? I can't sleep more than 40 minutes without needing to take a whiz...

Carla:
Unfortunately for you, someone left this invoice for the hospital needles on my desk. And they're really undercharging you! So, either you shell out the extra 20 grand a month for our raises, or we call the needle company and it'll cost you twice that.

Dr. Kelso:
[angrily] Ted, are you responsible for this?

Ted:
[expressionless] Please, sir. I don't have the guts. [voiceover, deliriously happy] Oh yeah! Suck it bitch! I will murder you!