Sherlock, Series 3

John Watson:
(panting with rage against Mary) I've got a better question: is everyone I've ever met a psychopath?

Sherlock Holmes:
(short pause) Yes. Good that we've settled that. Now--

John Watson:
SHUT UP!! And stay shut up, because this is not funny. Not this time.

Sherlock Holmes:
I didn't say it was funny.

John Watson:
(turns to Mary) You. What have I ever done? Hmm? My whole life, to deserve you?

Sherlock Holmes:
Everything.

John Watson:
(steps towards Sherlock threateningly) Sherlock, I told you. Shut up.

Sherlock Holmes:
No, I mean it. Seriously. Everything, everything you've ever done is what you did.

John Watson:
Sherlock, one more word and you will not need morphine.

Sherlock Holmes:
You were a doctor who went to war. You're a man who couldn't stay in the suburbs for more than a month without storming a crack den, beating up a junkie. Your best friend is a sociopath who solves crimes as an alternative to getting high. That's me, by the way. (waves hand) Hello. Even the landlady used to run a drug cartel.

Mrs. Hudson:
(surprised) It was my husband's cartel. I was just typing!

Sherlock Holmes:
(offhandedly) And exotic dancing.

Mrs. Hudson:
(insulted) Sherlock Holmes, if you've been YouTubing--

Sherlock Holmes:
(losing patience) John, you're addicted to a certain lifestyle! You're abnormally attracted...to dangerous situations and people, so is it truly such a surprise that the woman you've fallen in love with conforms to that pattern?

John Watson:
(voice breaking) But she wasn't supposed to be like that. Why is she like that?

Sherlock Holmes:
Because you chose her.

John Watson:
Why is everything...always...MY FAULT!?!? (kicks a chair aside ferociously)

Mrs. Hudson:
(flees into the kitchen, horrified) Oh, the neighbours.

Sherlock Holmes:
John, listen. Be calm and answer me. What is she?

John Watson:
My lying wife.

Sherlock Holmes:
No. What is she?

John Watson:
The woman who is carrying my child who has lied to me since the day I met her.

Sherlock Holmes:
No. Not in this flat. Not in this room. Right here, right now, what...is...she?

John Watson:
Okay. Your way. (resentful) Always your way. (places a chair in front of Mary) Sit.

Mary Watson:
Why?

John Watson:
Because that's where they sit! The people who come in here with their stories. The clients. That's what you are now, Mary. You're a client. This is where you sit and talk and this is where we sit and listen and we decide if we want you or not!