Spaced, Season 1

[Tim opens the door and sees Mike]

Tim:
How is she?

Mike:
The fibreglass on the outer casing was severely damaged in the incident.

Tim:
What happened?

Mike:
Showing off Tim, I had 15 rocks in my rucksack, instead of the regulation 5. I knew something was wrong when I got her in the water, she was sitting so low, so low. But I didn't stop Tim, 15 rocks in my rucksack and everyone knew it.

Tim:
So what happened when you rolled?

Mike:
I lost control of the vessel 2 feet from the shore. When I struggled to right her, I banged it into the jetty, damaging the canoe's carcass.

[Tim nods and listens on]

Mike:
The "Ramble" Leader, had to dive in and rescue me from beneath the canoe.

Tim:
So it wasn't so much an Eskimo roll, it was more of a case of rolling right Inuit.

[Mike stares, confused]

Tim:
Inuit's another word for Eskimo!

Mike:
[Mike sobs] I've been thrown out Tim. The Rough Ramblers don't want me anymore!

Tim:
[Tries to comfort Mike] Come on. Come on. Come on.

Mike:
(I've gotta) face it Tim, I'm not the big man, not the leader. Noone's ever gonna look up to me. I feel like a failure.

Tim:
You're not a failure, Mike, you're not! You're too good for them, they're not ready for you, You're a renegade, you're a soldier of fortune.

Mike:
Like the A-Team.

Tim:
Yeah, you're like Mr. T. but white and hairy. And I feel sorry for anyone who says you're not.

Mike:
I pity the fool.

Tim:
I pity the fool.

Mike:
[Mr. T voice] I ain't goin' on no plane, sucka!

Tim:
[irritable] Stop that.