Top Gear, Series 10

[Richard drops his Porsche pipe]

Richard:
I've spun off in me Porsche, look at that!

Jeremy:
Mine won't start properly.

Richard:
No, of course it won't. It's a Porsche, persevere.

[Jeremy puts the wrong end of his pipe in his mouth]

Richard:
No, what are you doing, man! No! Other way round, you - ah!

Jeremy:
It's a 911 Porsche, hot bit goes at the back.

Richard:
[To Jeremy] You don't look right with that, but have you noticed [clears throat] over my shoulder? [Indicates May, who looks like he's enjoying a quiet day in the smoking room of a Victorian gentlemen's club.]

[...]

James:
[Using his pipe to point at Hammond] I'll tell you something...

Richard:
You see? He's pointing!

James:
I haven't actually got anything to tell you, but I just wanted to point at you with my pipe, like pipe smokers. [Points with his pipe at Clarkson] And I'll tell you something else.

[Clarkson burns his tongue with his pipe]

Jeremy:
Oh God!

[Richard, James and audience laugh]

Jeremy:
That's not gone well!

[Due to the lit tobacco on his tongue, it rather sounded like 'Dat's not gonn woll!', causing even more laughter.]

Richard:
Jeremy... hold on! Jeremy...

Jeremy:
'Cube we a winit. ["'Scuse me a minute" with burning tobacco in his mouth.]

[Clarkson gets up and goes off-camera to spit out the tobacco, amid audience hilarity, then returns to his seat giggling helplessly.]

Richard:
Can I - can I just get quite clear, what you just did as a grown man was light a pipe and put the wrong end of it in your mouth.

[Clarkson is still cracking up and can't answer him.]

Richard:
What're you like on Bonfire Night? You bloody idiot.