Top Gear, Series 12

Jeremy:
Grandparents, if you've got grandkids that like cars, what they like is cars, okay. They don't like towels with car names written on them.

James:
Exactly with this sort of thing you can buy a bottle of red wine for 2.99, 3.99 in the shops. If you get a bottle of red wine with the Alfa Romeo logo on it, it's 15 quid.

Jeremy:
Oh I can beat that May. This is an ice scraper OK. It's covered in Santa's pubes, it's got SAAB written on it... £38.50.

James:
What!

Jeremy:
It's given us an idea. [produces a plate of vomit, to groans from the audience] See this? It is a plate of sick. Now it is utterly worthless. But if I just pop a BMW badge on it, £13.80.

Richard:
[produces a false arm clad in a baggy purple sleeve] It does work, this sort of branding. This wizard's sleeve for instance.[Clarkson laughs madly] Absolutely WORTHLESS, but it bears a Ferrari badge. 45 pounds. [Audience pays attention to what James has]

James:
[holds up a fencing foil with a load of sausages speared on it] This pork sword...

Richard:
No!

Jeremy:
James don't do the pork sword! [holds up a stuffed chicken] This cock...

Richard:
Has it got four rings on it?

Jeremy:
Yes it has! Put this cock in your wizard's sleeve

Richard:
Thank you

Jeremy:
It's all gone horribly wrong.