Weeds, Season 1

Andy:
Why didn't I just take off? The guy was on a bike for god's sake.

Nancy:
'Cause you're stupid. So, Ms. Greenstein, wha-what happens now?

Ms. Greenstein:
Incarceration, in a medium security prison for no longer than 10 years.

Andy:
10 years?

Ms. Greenstein:
Joke! (Laughs) Listen up everybody, there's nothing to worry about. You're looking at a fine and, probably an anti-drug class.

Nancy:
So, no jail time?

Ms. Greenstein:
You've obviously never sat through an anti-drug class. You had less than an ounce on you, there's no jail for that.

Andy:
Oh, that's bullshit.

Ms. Greenstein:
I don't understand, that's good news.

Andy:
I paid for a full ounce. They f***in' cheated me.

Nancy:
They f***in' saved your ass from going to jail.

Ms. Greenstein:
Still that's very un-cool. There used to be an unbroken spiritual bond between dealer and buyer. I feel your pain, Andrew, and I return it with a renewed sense of outrage.

Nancy:
So less than an ounce is a misdemeanor?

Ms. Greenstein:
That's only if the cop's an asshole. Most cops just let you go.

Nancy:
What if the marijuana is in baked goods - say, candy or chocolate?

Ms. Greenstein:
(Sing-songy) If you can eat it, you can beat it.

Nancy:
What would get their attention?

Andy:
If I sued 'em, can I sue 'em?

Ms. Greenstein:
All right, you asked for it, you get it. The lay of the land. Marijuana currently exists in the legal gray area, it's not illegal to have weed, less than an ounce that is, Andrew, but it's illegal to buy it.

Nancy:
What about growing?

Ms. Greenstein:
Ah, botany. As long as it's not broken down, non-specific weight, we're talking a slap on the wrist, 3-5.

Nancy:
Years?

Ms. Greenstein:
Probation.

Nancy:
So you can grow it, but you can't break it down?

Ms. Greenstein:
Not unless you wanna go to jail or flee to Mexico. Or Canada. Canada rocks. Primo weed, reeeaaalllly good Chinese food.

Nancy:
Do you have a card? Because you never know in my business when you might need a lawyer.

Ms. Greenstein:
What's your business?

Nancy:
I own a bakery.

Ms. Greenstein:
Smart cover. Call anytime.