Blackadder

Blackadder (1983, 1986-89, 1999) is a television show which originally aired on BBC One written by Richard Curtis, Ben Elton, and Rowan Atkinson. It traces members of the Blackadder dynasty and their associates through different periods of history. more »

[After Baldrick suggests a cunning plan of joining the Catering Corps. to get out of the trenches]

Blackadder:
There is however one slight flaw in the plan; you're the worst cook in the entire world!

Baldrick:
Oh yeah.

Blackadder:
There are amoeba on Saturn who could boil a better egg than you. Your filet mignons in sauce bernaise look like dog turds in glue!

Baldrick:
That's because they are.

Blackadder:
Your plum duff tastes like it's a molehill decorated with rabbit droppings.

Baldrick:
I thought you wouldn't notice...

Blackadder:
And your cream custard has the texture of cat vomit.

Baldrick:
Again, it's...

Blackadder:
If you were to serve up one of your meals at Staff HQ, you'd be arrested for the greatest mass poisoning since Lucretia Borgia invited 500 of her close friends for a wine and anthrax party!

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