Blackadder

George:
The war started because of the vile Hun and his villainous empire-building!

Blackadder:
George, the British Empire at present covers a quarter of the globe, while the German Empire consists of a small sausage factory in Tanganyika. I hardly think we can be entirely absolved from blame on the imperialistic front.

George:
Oh... Oh no, sir! Absolutely not! [quietly to Baldrick] Mad as a bicycle!

Baldrick:
I heard that it started when a bloke called Archie Duke shot an ostrich 'cause he was hungry.

Blackadder:
I think you mean it started when the Archduke of Austro-Hungary got shot.

Baldrick:
Nah, there was definitely an ostrich involved, sir.

Blackadder:
Well, possibly. But the real reason for the whole thing was that it was too much effort not to have a war.

George:
By Gum, this is interesting! I always loved history. The Battle of Hastings, Henry VIII and his six knives and all that!

Blackadder:
You see, Baldrick, in order to prevent a war in Europe, two super blocs developed: us, the French and the Russians on one side; and the Germans and Austro-Hungary on the other. The idea was to have two vast, opposing armies, each acting as the other's deterrent. That way, there could never be a war.

Baldrick:
Except, well, this is sort of a war, isn't it?

Blackadder:
That's right. There was one tiny flaw in the plan.

George:
Oh, what was that?

Blackadder:
It was bollocks.

Baldrick:
So the poor old ostrich died for nothing!