ER, Season 4

Carol:
[to documentary film crew] You know, actually it's a myth about doctors and nurses dating so much. I mean, I know more nurses who date cops, firemen, paramedics. Now that cliche is true.

Conni:
Especially cops.

Chuny:
Especially young cops.

Kerry:
[to documentary film crew] Sometimes I hesitate with a family before I give the news. I know I'm going to say something that will change their lives forever.

Carol:
You think that if you don't say it it'll be okay for a little while longer.

Doug:
I told this one mother that her son had been killed, and she said 'is it broken?' I'm looking at her, I don't know what she's saying. I'm just staring at her. So she said, 'his arm, is it broken? He's pitching tomorrow.' She just walked away.

Kerry:
Did you just let her leave like that?

Doug:
No, no. I called Carol and had her take care of it. [looks at camera] That's a true story.

Director:
Stewart, stay with them on their mic.

Doug:
[Looking at the camera] Look at him, I bet he wishes he can read lips.

Carol:
[Laughs]

Doug:
Hi there dumb ass!

Carol:
Doug, he's waving.

Doug:
You gotta mic?

Carol:
[Gasp] Oh my god, do you think he can hear me?!

Doug:
Turn it off.

Doug:
Ketchup or Tabasco? On your scrambled eggs. Do you want something some people consider a vegetable or do you want to go with something a little more daring? You thought I left, didn't you?

Carol:
No, I didn't.

Doug:
Yes, you did.

Carol:
No, really, I didn't. Okay, I did. But you kind of did leave technically.

Doug:
Well that doesn't count. If you had gotten up a little earlier you would have seen me here sound asleep.

Carol:
Some habits die hard.

Doug:
You sleeping in.

Carol:
Like you not being here in the morning.

Doug:
That's an old habit!

Doug:
I've got to talk to you about something

Carol:
Oh, Doug. Not another serious conversation.

Doug:
You used to say we didn't communicate, so --

Carol:
I know, but now you're communicating a little bit too much.

Doug:
I know, but this is important. Can I have a drawer?

Carol:
[laughs] What?

Doug:
A drawer. Something you keep your clothes in. Something that I would keep my clothes in.

Carol:
You never wanted a drawer before.

Doug:
Well, that's because I always got up and left. If I'm going to stay here, I thought about maybe having some place to keep one shirt and a nice pair of socks. I'd settle for underwear.

Carol:
You know, you could always wash your boxers in the sink and drive by in the morning.

Doug:
I love sitting out here on the porch with you. It's --

Carol:
Something new.

Doug:
Something new.

Doug:
Carol. Hey! I know what you're thinking and you're wrong.

Carol:
I'm busy.

Doug:
I'm just going to follow you around until you hear me out.

Carol:
Why follow me? Why not follow her?

Doug:
If I didn't have to do this secrecy tap dance I could have told her --

Carol:
I think this secrecy thing works just fine.

Doug:
I didn't flirt with her!

Carol:
Oh, no. She asked you out for a drink because she likes the way you hold an ice pack.

Doug:
I told her that I was attached. I didn't say with whom I was attached. I didn't say Carol Hathaway was my --

Carol:
What? I'm your what?

Doug:
Come here. I want to be with you and I want to be here with you because I want to be with you. If you don't trust me then this doesn't work.

Doug:
[is surprised by Carol kissing him] I had prepared a very elaborate argument. Does this mean I don't need it?

Carol:
I already had the argument. With myself.

Doug:
I hope there wasn't any name calling involved.

Carol:
No, it was very civil. You won.

Doug:
Oh, so I do better when I'm not there?

Carol:
[laughs] This time, yeah.

Doug:
So do you trust me?

Carol:
This time.

Doug:
Are you keeping score.

Carol:
Yep. You're ahead.

Doug:
[grins] I'm sorry, what?

Anna:
How did you ever go out with that guy?

Carol:
What guy?

Anna:
Ross. Didn't you used to date him? I mean, if he's that patronizing to me, I can't imagine what he's like with the women he goes out with.

Carol:
He's seen that patient before. Mrs. Landetta is just comfortable with him.

Anna:
Yeah, because he's a man.

Carol:
Well, some people are old fashioned.

Kerry:
Doug has difficultly dealing with strong women.

Carol:
I don't know about that.

Kerry:
If he can't charm or vilify you, he's lost.

Carol:
Now that's not true.

Mark:
Carol, I got that autopsy report on the crack baby. He died in utero two days ago.

Carol:
Well, I guess we're both off the hook.

Mark:
Carol, it wasn't a matter of me believing your or not believing you. I would have been on your side.

Carol:
Well, maybe if you'd been on the patient's side earlier none of this would have happened.

Mark:
What?

Carol:
I checked her chart. That woman had been in here four times in the past seven months. You saw her twice and never once did a pregnancy test.

Mark:
Was there reason to?

Carol:
Evidently, yes.

Mark:
So we're supposed to give pregnancy tests to every female crackhead who comes through the door?

Carol:
That's not what I'm saying.

Mark:
Then what?

Carol:
God forbid this woman ever finds out what her real malpractice suit is. I would back you up. Say there was no reason for a pregnancy test. The fact is, we should have done something.

Mark:
What? What should we have done? We can't help people who can't help themselves.

Carol:
No, Mark, those are exactly the people we should be helping.

Cynthia:
(to Mark) Who peed in your cornflakes?

Dr. Corday:
Peter Benton, Rocket Romano.

Dr. Romano:
Dr. Benton. Hey, Lizzie's talked about you. Tell me something. Do you think Chris Rock is funny?

Dr. Benton:
Excuse me?

Dr. Romano:
The comedian, Chris Rock. He did that HBO special. Must have used the N-word 50 times; N-word this, N-word that. They're calling him a genius. If I went around saying the N-word, you'd probably want to smack the hell out of me. Am I right?

Dr. Benton:
(long pause) I think Chris Rock is hilarious. (walks away)

Dr. Romano:
(calling after him) Good to meet you!

Dr. Corday:
Have a good night!

Dr. Romano:
(to Dr. Corday) You're right. I like him.

Doug:
You've been in a bad mood for months and I don't know how to talk to you anymore.

Mark:
Then don't. [walks away]

Doug:
All right.

Carol:
What's the statute of limitations on post-traumatic stress?

Doug:
Cut him some slack.

Carol:
I think we've all cut him plenty. He needs some help.

Doug:
He doesn't need a shrink. He needs friends who support him.

Carol:
He's not going to have any friends, supportive or otherwise, if he keeps this up.

Carol:
I'm going to miss you.

Doug:
I love you, Carol. [drives away]

Carol:
I love you, too.

Doug:
He never drove less than 70 miles per hour his entire life. He would think it was funny to drive with his knees, his eyes closed, like it was some sort of game. Idiot. He can't even kill himself right. He has to take other people with him. Leave me to clean up the mess.

Mark:
I don't think your dad planned on dying down here, Doug.

Doug:
He never planned on doing anything his entire life. He didn't plan to lose our TV in a poker game. He never planned to be gone for more than a couple days. He never planned to hurt anybody in his whole life.

Mark:
Your dad lost your television in a poker game?

Doug:
I should have killed him myself. Saved everybody the trouble.

Doug:
[on the phone, leaving message] Hey, Carol, it's Doug. I was hoping to catch you before you went to work. I'm here in Barstow and we're cleaning up. I was just thinking about you, wishing you were here. I just miss you. I just wish you were here, is all. [Mark walks into the motel room] So, I'll call you tomorrow. Okay, bye. Hey!

Mark:
Who was that?

Doug:
Somebody I've been seeing the last couple of months.

Mark:
Couple of months? That sounds serious.

Doug:
Do you want any of these ties before I give them to Goodwill?

Mark:
I only wear ties to work. Is it anybody I know?

Doug:
I've got a suit here. I've got an Armani. I believe it's double-breasted.

Mark:
You don't want to tell me who it is?

Doug:
He had a set of clubs somewhere, I think.

Mark:
Why is it that you don't want to tell me who it is?

Doug:
Because I don't.

Mark:
It's not my ex-wife, is it?

Doug:
No, it's not Jennifer.

Mark:
Cynthia?! You're not, are you?

Doug:
No, and neither should you.

Mark:
Jeanie? Chuny? Anna?

Doug:
Are you planning on naming everybody who works at the hospital?

Mark:
She doesn't work at the hospital?

Doug:
It's Carol.

Mark:
What?

Doug:
Carol Hathaway. You're mouth's open.

Mark:
I'm speechless.

Doug:
Well, I'm relieved.

Mark:
You didn't miss much not having your dad around when you were growing up. Believe me.

Doug:
That's kind of a crappy thing to say, isn't it?

Mark:
It wasn't my idea to come down here.

Doug:
Don't stay.

Mark:
Don't worry, I won't.

Doug:
I'm confused. Your father's still alive, right? He's still with your mother?

Mark:
Oh, so that's your criteria for a good father? Longevity?

Doug:
Did he smack you around a lot? Used to smack your mom around?

Mark:
Oh, poor Doug.

Doug:
Wait. Poor Doug? Your father, did he come into your room in the middle of the night and throw up on your bed and pass out? Did he do that? Did he leave you in a hallway in Atlantic City while he screwed some hat check girl, Mark? Did he do that? Did he do that, Mark?! Your father was there for you every night, you and your mother, and that's love. And whether it's the way you want it or not! It's love, Mark. You grew up in Ozzie and Harriet-land. Get your head out of your ass!

Mark:
Do you want to say anything?

Carol:
A prayer?

Doug:
No. I hated the son of a bitch. And I loved him. It's never simple, is it?

Anna (to Carter):
Have you considered medical management? Treat the abscess with a course of Flagyl and Cipro before jumping into surgery?

Carter:
I'm willing to give a shot.

Anna:
No, no, no, wait. Are you just agreeing with me because you think that's what I want to hear or do you really believe that?

Carter:
What?

Anna:
I just don't want you agreeing with me just to please me.

Carter:
Believe me, I'm not. I've already considered several alternatives to surgery.

Henry:
You have?

Carter:
Shut up, Henry!

Dr. Benton (to Dr. Romano):
What about you? You got any kids?

Dr. Romano:
Ha! None they've been able to pin on me.

Anna (to Mark after Carter's been arrested):
What are we doing about Carter?

Mark:
I called a bail bondsman and they're going to release him in the morning.

Anna:
Wait, so he has to stay in jail all night?

Mark:
You want to call the family?

Anna:
And say what, "John Carter III's in jail"?

Doug (to Carol):
Did you get tomorrow off?

Carol:
Not yet. Did you get tonight off?

Doug:
No, I owe too many shifts. Christmas Eve will cost me double.

Carol:
This is so unfair.

Doug:
Yeah, well, flex your muscle. You make the nursing schedule.

Carol:
Yeah, which is why I get stuck with it. "Carol can work Christmas, she has no life." They don't even feel guilty about it.

Doug:
Make them feel guilty about it.

Carol:
Now, that's the Christmas spirit.

Doug:
Tell them about us. This is stupid. I'm not going anywhere. You know that.

Carol:
I know. I know.

Mark:
Carter, you come here every day. Sometimes you're really cooking, and sometimes you're not. But you're here every day doing your work. And one day you'll look up and maybe 10 years will have passed. It'll be the sum total of what you've done that counts. Not the passion.

Dr. Benton (to Carter):
These seminars are a waste of time. All they want to know is if I've ever killed anybody.

Carter:
What do you tell them?

Dr. Benton:
Just med students.

Medical Student (to Carter):
What's the weirdest thing you have taken out of somebody's rectum?

Carter:
Umm, a bowling trophy.

Anna (to Carter):
You're leaving in the middle of your shift. It's about your cousin, isn't it?

Carter:
I know what I'm doing.

Anna:
You don't look like you know what you're doing.

Carter:
(annoyed) And you don't know anything about my family, so just drop it.

Carol (to Doug):
I needed to think.

Doug:
About what?

Carol:
About you and me. And the engagement and the vows and the rings. I think we're rushing into this. I don't think we're ready.

Doug:
I'm ready. But you aren't?

Carol:
When I was talking to Greg Powell, it got intense and... and I kissed him. It didn't go any further than that, but it was one of those moments, you know? I didn't want it to...

Doug:
Okay, that's good. I just wanted to make sure you were safe and sound (picks up his coat)

Carol:
Doug! I am so sorry!

Doug:
Yep, me too. (leaves)

Carol (to Doug):
I've spent years, years of my life, changing to fit your needs, working around your schedule, your insecurities, your inability to commit. Well, you know what, Doug? It's not all about you! I know that may come as a shock, but a relationship is give and take; two people as equals, and right now I need something! So you can grow up and accept it or you can go on being the same selfish, self-centered bastard you've always been and refuse to give me the one thing, the one thing I've ever asked you for!

Carter (about the rapist):
I wanted him to die. I saw what he did to that old lady and the others before her, and I wanted him to die. I didn't think he should have that blood. I mean, if someone had come in and they really needed it. If some little kid had been hit by a car or some old guy had been accidentally shot. If someone like that had died because we wasted the blood on that guy... I don't know. It was my decision, and I made it, and if he died, I don't know how I'd feel, but I can't say that I'm sorry. (pause) I mean, was I wrong?

Mark (to Cynthia):
I'm like a magnet for needy people. They find me wherever I go.

Cynthia:
Like I did?

Dr. Romano (to Dr. Corday):
Ah, here's our little action hero.

Dr. Corday:
How does it look?

Dr. Romano:
Like ground beef. No, actually, more like chopped liver.

Dr. Corday:
Yeah, but do you think we have a chance for limb salvage?

Dr. Romano:
You want my honest opinion? No, I don't think you do.

Dr. Corday:
Well, I'd like to give it our best shot.

Dr. Romano:
You got it, Lizzie. No holds barred. One hundred and ten percent.

Dr. Weaver (to Jerry):
Hey, is that Mr. Arteburn's chart?

Jerry:
Yeah, yeah. Actually, check this out. Blue Cross. Not the HMO, not the PPO. Traditional indemnity plan gold.

Dr. Weaver:
Jerry, we treat everyone the same.

Jerry:
I'm just thinking about the budget deficit.

Dr. Corday (to Dr. Benton):
I took anthropology as an undergraduate. Cro-Magnon man is considered a modern Homo sapien, just like you.

Dr. Benton:
Thank you very much.

Dr. Corday:
I didn't say he was as good looking.

Mark (about Cynthia):
She was actually nice to me which is a departure from most women in my life.

Dr. Corday:
Carol, Anna, do you two have plans this evening?

Carol:
You know I did and then I didn't and now I don't know anymore.

Dr. Corday:
You, Carol, have something that I really envy.

Carol:
What?

Dr. Corday:
A sex life!

Anna:
Cheers to that!

Carol:
I have no complaints in that department!

Mark:
Each day we work together as a family because we're a family. It's no secret that it's been a rough year for me, so I want to thank each of you for helping me through some hard times. You stuck by me when I needed you and you've given your best to make our ER a place that we can all be proud of, so thanks for being my family. I couldn't have made it without you.

Kerry (to Mark):
The food was terrible. The music stinks. The drinks are watered down, but you sure know how to throw a great party.

Mark:
Thank you.

Kerry:
You're welcome.

Brianna Thomas (to Kerry):
Why are you being such a bitch?

Kerry:
Because you are being irresponsible.

Brianna Thomas:
More likely because you aren't getting any yourself.

Dr. Romano (while performing surgery on a patient):
Why don't we give her a heart transplant while we're at it?

Dr. Corday:
Why don't you stop being such a prick?

Carol (to Doug):
After my father was gone, my mom used to go on and on about how you can never depend on men. Now she's head over heels and I'm the one holding back. How messed up is that?

Doug:
It keeps me on my toes.

Carol:
I say I want time but the truth is I'm scared to death of losing you.

Doug:
Well, don't be.

Carol:
I'm so sorry, Doug.

Doug:
Don't be.

Carol:
I love you.

Doug:
I love you, too.

Dr. Benton:
(while talking about Carla's boyfriend) He gets to spend all his time with Reese. How do I compete with that?

Dr. Corday:
You're his father, Peter. You don't have to compete.

Dr. Benton:
Then I thought I'd come and see you, but you had that lunch thing.

Dr. Corday:
Are you jealous? (Dr. Benton smiles) Well, you know, your instincts were right. Romano propositioned me.

Dr. Benton:
Are you serious? What did you say?

Dr. Corday:
I lied. I said I don't date colleagues. It's cowardly of me, I know.

Dr. Benton:
That's okay. I lied today, too.

Dr. Corday:
What, about me? (Dr. Benton nods) So much for a relationship without complications.

Mark:
You lied to me, Doug. You looked me right in the eye and lied to me.

Doug (to Kerry):
I don't care about your rules.

Kerry:
I hope you also don't care about being an ER Pediatric Attending because you've just given up any chance of that.

Carol (to Mark):
I was there because I wanted to be there, not because Doug asked me.

Mark:
I'm sure you were. Doug can be pretty passionate about these kids.

Carol:
Oh, give me a little credit, Mark. You think I'm a fresh-faced nursing student who can't resist the doctor's spell?

Mark:
I'm only saying that Legal and Administration are going to be going over every detail of this case. And I'd hate to see it reflect badly on your record.

Carol:
So you're saying I should fudge my involvement?

Mark:
Tell the truth. Tell them you were doing your job. Tell them you were assisting a doctor.

Carol:
The truth is I insisted on being there because I believe Doug was working in the best interest of the patient. And that much is my responsibility. Every bit as much as it is his.

Benton (to Corday):
You're running all over the hospital, asking every surgeon to sponsor you.

Corday:
Okay, so what do you suggest?

Benton:
Elizabeth, you haven't even checked out other hospitals, other parts of the country.

Corday:
I've built up relationships here. Or so I thought.

Benton:
I'm not saying I would want you to leave Chicago.

Corday:
No, but you're not passionate about my fight to stay.