Louie, Season 4

Vanessa:
Louie, you know what the meanest thing is you can say to a fat girl? "You're not fat." I mean, come on, buddy.

Louie:
I'm sorry.

Vanessa:
It just sucks. It really really sucks. You have no idea. And the worst part is, I'm not even supposed to do this.

Louie:
Do what?

Vanessa:
Tell anyone how bad it sucks, because it's too much for people. I mean, you, you can talk into the microphone and say you can't get a date, you're overweight, and it's adorable. But if I say it, they call the suicide hotline on me. I mean, can I just say it? I'm fat. It sucks to be a fat girl. Can people just let me say it? It sucks. It really sucks. And I'm going to go ahead and say it. It's your fault.

Look, I really like you. You're truly a good guy, I think. I'm so sorry. I'm picking you. On behalf of all the fat girls, I'm making you represent all the guys. Why do you hate us so much? What is is about the basics of human happiness, feeling attractive, feeling loved, having guys chase after us, that's just not in the cards for us? Nope. Not for us. How is that fair? And why am I supposed to just accept it?

Louie:
You know, Vanessa, you're a very, really beautiful-

Vanessa:
Come on. If I was a very, really beautiful, then you would have said yes when I asked you out. I mean, come on, Louie, be honest here. You know what's funny? I flirt with guys all the time. And I mean the great looking ones, like, the really high-caliber studs? They flirt right back, no problem. Because they know their status will never be questioned. But guys like you never flirt with me, because you get scared that maybe you should be with a girl like me.

And why not? You know, if you were standing over there looking at us, you know what you'd see?

Louie:
What?

Vanessa:
That we totally match. We're actually a great couple together. And yet, you would never date a girl like me.

Louie:
That's not true.

Vanessa:
Yes, it is. Have you ever dated a girl that was heavier than you? Have you?

Louie:
Yes I have, yes I have.

Vanessa:
No no no, I didn't say "have you ever f***ed a fat girl?" Louie. I'm sure you have. Every guy has. I mean, when I met you, if I had said, "Hey, do you want to go to the bathroom and screw on a big can of peaches?" you would have gone for it. No, I'm saying, have you ever dated a fat girl. Have you ever kissed a fat girl? Have you ever wooed a fat girl? Have you ever held hands with a fat girl? Have you ever walked down the street in the light of day, holding hands, with a big girl like me?

Go ahead. Hold my hand. What do you think is going to happen? You think your dick's going to fall off if you hold hands with a fat girl? You know what the sad thing is? It's all I want. I mean, I can get laid. Any woman who is willing can get laid. I don't want that. I don't even need a boyfriend or a husband. All I want is to hold hands with a nice guy, and walk and talk...

[Louie grabs her hand]

Pamela:
How is your ex-wife black?

Louie:
What, I can't marry a black woman?

Pamela:
You can marry a green elephant. The question is, how the hell is she the mother of those almost translucent white girls of yours?

Louie:
Oh, her mom is white.

Pamela:
Oh, well, then, her mom must have had those kids, because Janet is not their mom.

Louie:
Yes... yes, she is.

Pamela:
Did you see them being born? Did you see those little white babies come out of her juicy black pussy? Because I think she stole them.

Pamela:
I know you want me to say things and act a way. And it's not that I don't feel certain...ugh. Look, I want to do what you want, but I just can't. There are some things that I just can't do. So...is it okay...that we're here? I want to be here. We're in a tub. We like each other. Can this just be okay?