Privileged, Season 1

Sage:
[upon meeting Megan] I know who you are... And PS I puke cuter than that outfit you're wearing.

Charlie:
Yeah my job comes with a hair net, I don't judge.

Megan:
[to Sage] With great power, comes great responsibility. Shout out to Uncle Ben.

[later, about to leave the room]

Megan:
Uncle Ben is Spider-Man's uncle, not mine. I just want to make that clear.

Little Kid:
[to Megan] Hey lady, I can see your vajayjay.

Sage:
You think you can lecture me on being a good sister? I'd jump in front of a bus to save rose from being hurt. You'd throw lily under a bus for fun.

Sage:
I so would have rocked my mug shot...

Marco:
I'm sure there will be plenty more opportunities.

Megan:
Aren't you coming with me?

Marco:
Oh yes, I just love unnecessary encounters with law enforcement officers... you're on your own Sister Sledge.

Laurel:
It's nice to see you on top of things...

Megan:
I like to be on top.... of things... in work situations.

Megan:
You can't not try because you're afraid your gonna fail... that'd be like not wanting to go on a date because your afraid all guys will cheat on you... that'd be like not writing because your afraid your not gonna get published anyways

Rose:
Are we talking about Sex and the City now? Because I loved that movie.

Megan:
Being in the principal's office kinda makes you feel like a kid a again. You probably are a kid. Bad kid if your sitting here. I was a good kid. Not that I'm judging you. Just saying. Hugs, not drugs.

Receptionist:
Mr. Cassidy will see you now.

Megan:
[to kid] I'll put in a good word for you.

Sage:
If she has to Laurel will buy you in to Duke just like Parker's dad bought him into Brown.

Megan:
Hello? If that's the case what am I doing here?

Sage:
Good point, don't forget to write.

Megan:
I had to go on a date just so people wouldn't think I was a lesbian..

Marco:
I could see that...

Megan:
I know I would make such a great lesbian.. but sadly I'm straight.

Marco:
Go on just pretend like we're not even here.

Megan:
I'm not talking to myself. I'm just practicing a conversation I'm going to have with a real person at a later date. Totally different.

Megan:
They're really sweet with each other.

Marco:
They have to be, who else is gonna like them?

Charlie:
The case of sage's exploding face has officially been solved. Apparently Betty and Veronica here thought it would be a good idea to put muscle relaxers in Sage's drink.

Megan:
You girls underestimate me. This is an impenetrable force I'm all knowing, all seeing.

Sage:
Laurel found out!

Megan:
Yeah, the woman's good.

Megan:
Can we go to the spa?

Jacob:
Patience grasshopper.

Megan:
Patience schmacience. I have a knot so deep in my neck it's almost a bone... I named it Sage.

Marco:
You're not gonna start singing songs from Annie are you? Because I bet my bottom dollar that you could.

Megan:
No kissing on campus. That was rule... I'm not sure which rule that was, but it's an important one.

Megan:
How do I look? Should I change? I didn't know what to wear.

Marco:
Well you can start by wearing a watch, dinner started 5 minutes ago.

Rose:
Is megan still out with her dad?

Romie:
I don't know, you never ask me about my family. [Romie leaves]

Sage:
Does Romie have a family?

Rose:
Are you sure this is the right place?

Megan:
Welcome to the public school system girls.

Sage:
Oh that reminds me, I forgot to TiVo Prison Break.

Megan:
A doctor that does house calls, how quaint.

Marco:
He gets $5,000 a day.

Megan:
By quaint I mean holy crap.

Megan:
I hooked you up with an organization called "Once Upon a Dress." They provide donated dresses to high school girls. who can't afford them for prom and home homecoming.

Sage:
So they wear used dresses? I'd sooner borrow someone's tooth brush.

Marco:
Why don't you write her a Dear John letter while you're at it.

Charlie:
What are you talking about?

Marco:
Don't be coy with me Chuckles.

Marco:
How's my little Jackie Collins doing?

Megan:
Huh?

Marco:
In my heart your up here writing trashy romance novels, don't take that away from me.

Rose:
Sage is just mad because our friend Precious is getting all famous.

Sage:
She's not famous, she did a movie with elephants and subtitles.

Rose:
I hate subtitles.

Sage:
Yeah everyone does.

Charlie:
Not every guy is gonna cheat on you.

Megan:
You say there but I haven't told you about the hot blonde in Jacob's office.

Charlie:
Here we go.

Megan:
I'm not crazy. There was a vibe!

Charlie:
I'm sure there was. You're still crazy.

Megan:
Aww thanks Sage.

Sage:
Not a compliment.

Megan:
My best friend from Yale is flying in from New York today, her name is Karen and you're going to love her.

Marco:
Well I'm only starting to love you, let's not muddy the waters.

Will:
I work for Peter Friedland, he's a sports photographer.

Megan:
Hey, like you!

Will:
Like me, except he gets paid and published and all that good stuff.

Megan:
My friend Karen is flying in from new york and she's going to stay with me the next few days and I was hoping you could show us some of that rich ass Palm Beach living. You know maybe we could take a spin on one of your yachts tomorrow afternoon

Will:
How many yachts do you think I have?

Megan:
Okay well if the yacht's unavailable, we can go for a ride on one of your horses or elephants.

Will:
Did it never occur to you I had a job?

Megan:
Umm no, but that's probably because I've known you for four months and you never mentioned you had one, but I'm silly like that.

Megan:
I'm all about having lots of eggs in the basket. Yes, yes, I might like one egg more than the other but the fact that I have other eggs puts the pressure off the one egg I like really like so it won't crack.

Marco:
I have no idea what you just said but now I'm jonesing for an omelet.

Megan:
I can't believe you were listening to us yesterday.

Marco:
You can't? That's adorable.

Megan:
This is not how I wanted to look when I see the guy that I'm trying to be casual about casually dating.

Marco:
But mentioning your pickle breath is a rock solid turn on.

Will:
You don't have to worry, this isn't a rebound thing. I've been out with a few women since lily and I broke things off. So by definition...

Megan:
You rebounded.. and scored. Look at me using the sports metaphors!

Marco:
[to Megan] Well, well, well. Someone fell out of bed and into a makeover. What's going on, Red?

Will:
I want a second chance.

Megan:
It'd be a third chance; the balcony was your second.

Will:
I want a third chance.

Charlie:
Now let me give you some advice.

Megan:
Like I need any, but go ahead.

Charlie:
Will just lost a job, right? Probably the first real rejection the guy's ever had. So instead of focusing on the imaginary test you thought you gave him, why not try being the great girlfriend he needs right now?

Megan:
It's a little on the simple side.

Megan:
What's this?

Rose:
These are a few of my favorite things... I would have sung that, but that probably falls under the delightfulness rule.

Megan:
Your singing is delightful so we'll have none of that.

Rose:
[about Megan and Will] Get out... are you guys a couple?

Megan:
Uh no, we are not sharing. You to know why? You're grounded from all fun things, including gossip, chit chat, delightful banter. You are grounded from banter.

Megan:
[to Rose] You're grounded, indefinitely. We're talking the X Games of grounding, without the games. After your little French final tomorrow, you are confined to these four... make that six to eight walls. No phone, no Internet, no Pilates. Consider your new status "grounded to infinity."

Sage:
But what if I'm not fun?

Rose:
What are you talking about? You're super fun.

Sage:
Yeah with you and at like parties and stuff. But you know how you're always saying, school just comes easy for me. Well being adorable just comes easy for you. It's a gift Rose, you should cherish it.

Zack:
So what should I do?

Sage:
Okay, Rose is a big time romantic, I mean she's seen The Notebook like nine times.

Zack:
Really? I love that movie.

Sage:
Yeah, maybe don't share that with everyone. But say if you could be here around six, bring some flowers and just be your dork little self.

Sage:
I'll need a wing man, are you in?

Rami:
What's in it for me?

Sage:
Nothing.

Rami:
I'm in.

Rose:
Whatever this is, it smells wonderful.

Luis:
It's a pot of boiling water.

Rose:
Well I bet you're going to turn it into something wonderful.

Megan:
Lily got married.

Charlie:
What!?

Megan:
Thank you for having the proper reaction. What!?

Rose:
Did you know everyone in this town hates each other?

Sage:
Um yeah. It's Palm Beach, not the friggin' Midwest.

Keith:
Do you ever get tired of being the Alice to all these little bratty Bradys?

Marco:
I do get a little weary, mainly because I don't get to see Sam the butcher nearly enough.

Will:
I'm just trying to be respectful here.

Megan:
Respect is for grandmas. I want naked and stuff.

Will:
So what happened tonight? You got pretty enthusiastic with the vodka.

Megan:
That was not the plan.

Will:
There was a plan?

Megan:
Well yeah. I thought we'd, you know, have a few drinks, get a little loosely goosey. I kept drinking when you kept drinking and you're much bigger than I am and all of a sudden I got very loose very fast.

Megan:
Will's a playboy right?

Marco:
Generally speaking, absolutely.

Megan:
So why isn't he playing me? I'm ready to go. Wearing to go. Every night's the same -- just when we get to the good part he says "oh it's getting late" or "I have an early tennis match." I mean who plays that much tennis?

Rose:
Megan do you know anything about knives?

Megan:
Okay, i don't like where this conversation is going already.

Zach:
[seeing Rami wearing the same suit] Oh you wear the same outfit as my debate team, that's cool.

Rami:
Yes, excuse me while I go set fire to mine.

Marco:
Oh yes, you and the feisty twin have finally found love. Funny how that happens just as Keith decided to terminate ours.

Luis:
Yeah I heard about that, sorry man.

Marco:
It's okay, this way the world maintains a love hate balance. I'm happy for you two high school musical looking misfits.

Rose:
[referring to Sage and Luis kissing] They look so cute.

Rami:
It's about damn time.

Marco:
What is ... oh look, happy people. Alright that's it, show's over, nothing to see here!

Marco:
[to Luis] You, easy to replace sous chef, hands off the queen bee and get back to work. [to Sage] And you trouble with a capital S, stop distracting him. Young love, makes me sick.

Will:
I'm sorry I told you to ditch your family. The woman I fell in love with could never give up on anybody.

Megan:
Did you just..?

Will:
That's right, I love you Megan Smith. Deal with that.

Megan:
I love you too.

Megan:
Sage, when I was your age, my biggest concern was trying to get Ethan Hawke to marry me. The Reality Bites Ethan Hawke, not the "I left my wife for my nanny and haven't showered in ten days" Ethan Hawke.

Megan:
Cancel the check!

Will:
The bank's closed.

Megan:
You're a billionaire, isn't there a special number you call?

Will:
Yeah, it's 1-800-im-rich.

Megan:
That's not even enough numbers.

Rose:
I think you're way overreacting

Sage:
Umm.. you're obsessing over a fat girl from Spacecamp and I'm overreacting? My guy is a religious zealot!

Rose:
He goes to church.

Sage:
Zealot.

Rose:
That does not make him a zealot...

Sage:
Come on, you've seen The Da Vinci Code. What if he's the albino and flogs himself?

Megan:
[about Charlie] When all is said and done, he's my best friend in the whole world and I have to say goodbye.

Will:
And what I'm saying is you've already kissed your best friend goodbye.

Rose:
[about Luis] What if he started avoiding you after you told him you never had sex before?

Sage:
I would hate him.

Rose:
Exactly. Almost as much as I hate Emo.

[after Megan and Charlie kiss]

Megan:
Woh..

Charlie:
I love you Megan.. Tell me you feel the same way and I won't go. Tell me you need me to stay.

Keith:
I did the math and it turns out Smirnoff vanilla vodka is cheaper than artificial insemination.

Marco:
Waiting for a distraction is not a plan.

Megan:
Well it's less fattening than your turtle plan.

Rose:
All this personal growth stuff is stressful.. it's hard figuring out who you want to be.

Sage:
Frankly I don't know why we started trying. Things were a lot easier when we just shopped... I blame Megan.

Sage:
Totally.

Rose:
[taking out knife] This is a survival kit.

Megan:
Oh I'm gonna hate this story, aren't it?

Rose:
You know how I moved in to my own room about a month ago after I found out you guys all lied to me about different stuff?

Megan:
You decided to kill us and leave our bodies in the woods?

Rose:
Wow, that's super dark Megan.

Megan:
Some might say she's single-handedly revitalizing the economy with her shopping addiction.

Rami:
Some might ask you to take that silver lining and hang me with it.