Pushing Daisies, Season Two

Ned:
Could that have happened to me on the roof? Could I have be swarmed? ...In my underwear too. I could've been swarmed in my underwear.

Emerson:
Hey, you don't just get to put them pictures in my head. That's an assault on my imagination.

Chuck:
Boy, Kentucky sure had it in for Betty but, who had it in for Kentucky?

Ned:
The Terrifying Bee Man.

Chuck:
What if he was made entirely out of bees and that's why she couldn't see his face because he didn't even have one. I mean, what if there's a whole "Bee-folk society" who'd walk around shaped like people?

Ned:
You're thinking about how you can train your bees to walk around in people shapes, aren't you?

Chuck:
Yeah.

[Olive comes in while Ned, Chuck and Emerson discuss the case]

Olive:
I know, they were lovers at the same-sex persuasion, and the key is for their love nest.

Ned:
We've ruled out "Workplace Romance".

Olive:
Oh... I'll just, cross that off my list then.

Chuck:
I haven't ruled out "Workplace Romance".

[Chuck and Ned smile at one another]

Emerson:
Romance does give you motive. Somebody's always lovin' somebody they shouldn't be lovin'.

[Glares at Olive, who glares back.]

[Chuck hides with Emerson while her aunts are in the Pie-Hole.]

Chuck:
They're here, because you stopped delivering their special pies, all this time I've been making special pies and what have you been...?

Olive:
[Cutting Chuck off] And dosing them with God knows what, you claim that is vanilla, but that ain't vanilla.

Emerson:
I'm gonna dose the both of you with a scoop of Shut the Fudge Up.

Olive:
I got something to say, and I'm gonna say it to you, [points to Ned] you, [points to Lily] and you and your hump! [yells to Emerson who has Chuck hiding under his coat]

Narrator:
Olive wanted to let loose the secrets and lies shes been force fed by her friends, that Chuck was still alive, that Lily was her mother, but instead what came out... was this.

Olive:
AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Chuck:
Look, I took care of Lily and Vivian for twenty years, they never even left the house. What happened was incredibly unusual.

Ned:
Please take this the right way, but so is being dead but not dead.

Emerson:
Amen.

Narrator:
In less then sixteen seconds, the dead girl who was not dead would be involved in the smallest of ironic coincidences, for just as she said to herself...

Chuck:
I wish I were where the action were at.

Narrator:
...she was where it were at.

[Door opens in the Pie Hole]

Chuck:
Sorry, we're closing early today.

[Chuck sees Vivian attempting to get through the door while her umbrella gets caught; Chuck then runs, jumps and rolls over the counter to avoid being sighted]

Narrator:
Her Aunt Vivian, who would've dropped dead from shock of seeing her niece alive again...

Vivian:
Hello?

Narrator:
...arrived again.

Chuck:
There was a young man named Von Deenis.

Ned:
Who they said had a very big... [commercial break]

Ned:
Could I just say that I know you can take care of yourself. When you moved out I panicked because I thought everything was changing...

Chuck:
Everything is changing.

Ned:
Way to ruin a good apology.

Chuck:
What is so terrible about starting fresh?

Ned:
Because starting fresh means something else is ending stale. Chuck, who I destroyed Play-Doh cities with; Chuck, my best friend, my first kiss; I don't want that to change.

Chuck:
Yeah, and I'm also Chuck, who went on a pleasure cruise and got a plastic bag put over her head.

Ned:
That's not as much fun to remember.

Chuck:
But it happened, and when it was happening I was thinking... well, actually I was thinking "Son of a bitch, why did I have to go get ice for my ginger ale?" but, really I was thinking "I finally get to live my own life and it's already over" ...And then you, you came and you gave me another chance.

Ned:
So it's my fault.

Chuck:
My first time around I was terrified of change and I'm not going to make that mistake again; I can't.

[Ned and Chuck roleplay in the morning]

Ned:
Hi.

Chuck:
Hi.

Ned:
You must be the new girl in 44, I'm Ned.

Chuck:
I'm Charlotte, but you can call me Chuck.

Ned:
Hi Chuck... I... really wanna kiss you now.

Chuck:
But, we've only just met, we're two strangers in a big city, these things take time... I work at the Pie Hole downstairs.

Ned:
Really? I own the Pie Hole downstairs. May we walk together?

Chuck:
Well, that'd be swell, Harvey.

Ned:
It's Ned, actually.

Chuck:
Ned, that's a very nice name.

Olive:
[Praying] Father, I wish to stay here forever and serve. If this is not thy will, then drop me a line.

[Sister LaRue falls to her death and lands infront of Olive]

[Ned and Emerson standing infront of Sister LaRue's body]

Ned:
I'm not sure how I feel about doing this... here... with her [Indicating the Statue of Mary]...and him. [Indicating Jesus on the crucifix]

Emerson:
Well it ain't like he ain't never done it before; remember Lazarus?

[Chasing Sister LaRue after reviving her]

Ned:
Nun on the run! Nun on the run! Nun on the run!

[Catches up to LaRue and touches her again]

Ned:
We are so going to hell.

Ned:
The truth is that there are a lot of people like you, us, with strange hobbies or talents or gifts and we try to hide it because we're afraid that it makes us seem weird or it will turn people off, but that's a mistake. What makes me unique has brought every person I love into my life.

Maurice:
Are you going to kick someone's ass, Frere Pie-maker?

Chuck:
The world would be a better place if everybody dabbed calamine on welts of bad news.

Vivian:
But lying to yourself about love never works.

Emerson:
Here Lies Dwight, Here Lies His Gun, He was bad, Now He's Done.

Ned:
[Having just been threatened by Chuck's father, whom he recently brought back to life] Hate to contradict you, Charles, but nobody in the village was after Doctor Frankenstein; they were after his monster.

Emerson:
Oh look: a dumb idea just found a friend!

Narrator:
Oh! Hell no!

Olive:
Ned, I really appreciate you going along with all of this.

Ned:
You don't have to thank me. I've been curious having a normal relationship. This one has been really interesting to try on.

Olive:
Try on? You try on a sweater at the mall. You try on your best friend's bra and you smile on the inside because yours are bigger and better. You don't try on a person!

Ned:
Clearly not the right choice of words.

Narrator:
The pie-maker helped his friends in need. Not by pretending he was something he was not but by embracing the very thing he always was. It gave him a feeling of joy he would later liken to leaping tall buildings in a single bound.

Olive:
[to Randy Mann] Sorry if I was sending you mixed messages. But, you know, messages are like nuts. Who wants all the same kind? Mixed is the best.

Chuck:
But why, why do we love something if loving something just makes us stupid and just have more to lose?

Ned:
Why love something? Because we can.

Chuck:
Aww.

Narrator:
At that very moment, time stopped, as it was wont to do when present, past, and future collide; when one's existence ceases to be measured in days, hours, and minutes, but instead in immeasurable quantity of life events. For Lily and Vivian Charles, the reappearance of a daughter and niece was the life event that would eventually overshadow a thirty-year-old betrayal and result in a splash of water, the roar of a crowd, and a whirlwind tour around the world-twice. Private investigator Emerson Cod would experience a life event, when life found him through the pages of a pop-up book and he was reunited with his own little gumshoe.

Penny:
[knocking at Emerson's office door] Hello, I'm looking for Emerson Cod.

Narrator:
Jockey cum waitress cum private investigator Olive Snook would experience two life events in quick succession: the first, opening her heart to a formally friendless taxidermist; and the second by opening a culinary palace dedicated to the art of macaroni and cheese called the Intrepid Cow. For the Piemaker and a dead girl named Chuck, their shared life event began with a touch and became the promise a new family brought about by the words

Chuck:
I'm alive.

Narrator:
At that moment, in the town of Coeur d'Coeurs, events occurred that are not, were not, and should never be considered an ending. For endings, as it is known, are where we begin.