The Shield, Season Two

Vic:
What the hell are you doing?

Shane:
I'm not doing anything that we weren't doing before. I'm just pumping things up a level.

Vic:
And what level is that? Prison?

[Shane doesn't answer]

Vic:
All right, where's my investment now?

Shane:
It's all tied up in the coke shipment.

Vic:
That coke that had Tio's guy bleeding from every orifice?

Vic:
How do I know I can trust you?

Aceveda:
How do I know I can trust you?

Vic:
I guess we have a deal then.

[Aceveda walks to the door then turns and looks at Vic]

Aceveda:
This doesn't mean I like you.... Try screwing me on this, I'll bury you!

Kellis:
Do you have that file for me?

Dutch:
[while on the phone, in a dismissive tone] I'll get it to you soon.

Kellis:
When I ask for something I ask politely because that's my nature, but when you make me ask a second time I loose my patience. This squad has been the epicenter of police corruption, civil law suites, and, most recently, a riot. The people I work for want answers. They expect me to get them. [Dutch hangs up the phone] I have the power to recommend changes, get people fired, even shut down this entire building if it's warranted! Do you understand what I'm saying detective!?

Dutch:
Yes Ma'am.

Kellis:
[calms down] Good. Uhmm... [laughs] if you could get me the Gilroy file, I would really appreciate it.

Dutch:
Sure.

Kellis:
Thank you.

U.S. Customs Officer:
Do you have anything to declare?

Vic:
Only that it's good to be back in the States.

Vic:
I need that money!

Shane:
Yeah! Well, we all do.

Vic:
No, I need it now to get back my kids!

Shane:
What are you talking about?

Vic:
THEY'RE GONE SHANE! Corrine took them, they disappeared.

Arab man:
So I'm a suspect just because I'm Arab?

Danny:
No, sir, you're a suspect because 19 guys who look like your twin brother killed 3,000 Americans.

Dutch:
You failed the GSR, Barney.

Barney:
Oh, really? Can I take it again?

Dutch:
[incredulous] No!

Dutch:
If you knew you shot her, why did you agree to the residue test?

Barney:
Well, if I didn't take it, I'd look guilty. And, you said it was a government test, so I figured, how reliable could it be?

Vic:
If you're such a good boy then do as I say. Pack up your shit, and get on the next donkey back to home.

Armando:
But I just got here, I think I'll stay for a while.

Vic:
Come on, maybe you can stay at my house for a while.

Armando:
Ya, what's the charge?

Vic:
I'll think of something on the way.

Dutch:
If someone were trying to keep her alive, how long could she survive?

Medic:
With a tourniquet and basic medical knowledge, indefinitely.

Dutch:
Until he tired of his domination and control Dr. Mengele experiments and decided to squeeze the last breath out of her so he could watch.

Medic:
See, this is why you and me can't date.

Shane:
Do you know what "Officer Involved Shooting" means? It means we're all involved.

Julien:
I told the truth.

Shane:
Hey, when it comes to your partner's career, truth is like grits. You don't serve it up plain, pour the salt on it! God-damn rookies.

Claudette:
I got a dead drug dealer, I got a suspect, who's probably skipped town and the only person who can shed any light on it is a uncooperative cop with a bad rap. You want me to let his case just slip away son?

Shane:
Aceveda seems pissed.

Vic:
[grins] Just like old times.

Suspect:
I'd like to see a warrant.

Vic:
I'd like to see Anna Kournikova naked on a waterbed.

Aceveda:
You're going undercover as dirty cops. You think you can pull that off?

Vic:
We can try.

Vic:
If I'm gonna be a crooked cop, I've at least got to be honest about it!

Shane:
[while guarding a witness] Instead of playing poker, we should be playing poke her.

Claudette:
Should I be worried about you?

Dutch:
Not about me. Maybe about the rest of humanity... bunch of sociopathic little narcissists out for ourselves. Begging... stealing... lying... screwing... raping... killing our babies. Whatever it takes to have a good time and save our own asses. I can't even believe in an old woman who's too sick to feed herself, and it's not sad... it's not some big surprise. It's just nature. We're animals... nothing more. And ya' know what? I'm learning to be OK with that.

Vic:
See that one-niner over there? I've done a few favors for his crew out on the street. He's willing to pay me back. One phone call from me... and you're greenlit!

Navaro:
Greenlit?

Vic:
It's an American prison term. It means you'll be shanked in the shower asshole, bleed out before the guards even know you're late for breakfast.

Mike:
Oh you're so full of shit.

Vic:
No.

Mike:
You're gonna sit there and pretend to understand me, what I'm going through?

Vic:
N-N-Na-No. I'm telling you the truth.

Mike:
You think I'm gonna believe a bullshit story like that?

Vic:
Calm down.

Mike:
Like I'm going to associate with you?

Vic:
Calm down!

Mike:
Think I'm going to give you this gun? Think I'm some kind of idiot, that you don't have to take seriously? This is how serious I am! [Shoots Connie]

Lou:
Look you know I want to help, I just can't.

Vic:
You son of a bitch.

Lou:
For the record I have no useful information.

Vic:
You know he's out there, you know he's got the kid, and all you can think about is saving your own ass.

Dutch:
[attempting to anger a suspect] You couldn't take a lie detector test if you wanted to because it couldn't fit around that fat wrist of yours.

Dutch:
Bob said it was your idea to cut the arm off.

Marcy:
Yeah. After that she wasn't so pretty.

Claudette:
[about Dutch closing a murder case] Nice job.

Dutch:
Don't sound so surprised.

Claudette:
Well, I was just worried about you for a little while.

Dutch:
Should've had more faith in me.

Aceveda:
Nice work.

Dutch:
[smugly] I know.

Aceveda:
I'm glad.

Dutch:
You should be. I break cases nobody else in this division can. I deserve a little more damn respect than I've been getting around here lately. You wanted me to close a case without incident? I did it. [throws his coat over his shoulder, and struts off cockily]

Aceveda:
I guess he's back.

Claudette:
I guess so.

Vic:
[about Julien's fiancee] She's a beautiful girl.

Julien:
Yeah.

Vic:
I guess I must have missed something. Last person I saw you kissing was a little more... male. Sure you know what you're doing?

Julien:
Yeah.

Vic:
In that case, congratulations.

Jarvis:
It's illegal to carry bugspray?

Danny:
It is when you're trying to blind people with it.

Jarvis:
Yeah, well you're all bugging me.

Vic:
You wanted me to hurt you.

Armadillo:
Every scar is a victory. This is just my biggest.

Vic:
I've got a team member in the Burn Unit, the guy who did it out on the street and you think now is a good time to screw with my family.

Claudette:
I think Armadillo went to your house looking for you Vic. Lucky your wife and kids didn't end up in the Burn Ward.

Vic:
My family's off limits.

Claudette:
You tell that to Armadillo.

Vic:
I'm telling you!

Lem:
[bumping his head on a cross] Jesus Christ. [Looking at Jesus's face on cross] God damnit! I didn't mean that.

Aceveda:
Wagenbach?

Dutch:
Yeah. Hi, I'm Dutch...

Aceveda:
You're two hours late.

Dutch:
What? At Sunset detectives start at 9.

Aceveda:
You start here at 7.

Dutch:
Yes sir. I didn't realize...

Aceveda:
You're lucky there's a desk left.

Dutch:
That's by the kitchen and the women's restroom. Is there anything else?

Aceveda:
There was at 7.

[Talking about pulling pranks on Dutch]

Gannon:
I keep hiding his chair on him.

Vic:
You're starting already?

Gannon:
Every house needs a rube.

Shane:
And you're anointing this guy?

Dutch:
A transsexual or a cross-dresser?

Long John:
Is there a difference?

Dutch:
Yeah, a pretty big one.

Vic:
[sees Claudette staring at him] Yeah?

Claudette:
Just reading the newspaper. Have you?

Vic:
Lakers cut it pretty close last night.

Claudette:
They're not the only ones.

Lannie:
This is a federal case, they had every right to know.

Vic:
You blew our covert entry, put each one of my men in danger you sanctimonious little bitch.

Lannie:
I'll be sure to include that quote in my report.

Vic:
Include whatever you'd like. And tell those amateurs you got following me they might as well take the rest of the day off!

Lem:
[about Ronnie's skin graft] They took the skin from his ass!

Ronnie:
Left cheek and upper-thigh

Shane:
Oh, these jokes are just writing themselves.

Vic:
The law only allows us so much latitude. These guys have rights too. I'm a cop. I have to honor that.

William:
Well I'm not a cop.

Vic:
That's true. Just the father looking out for his son. [William runs across the street] You check this guy for a weapon?

Shane:
Yeah, patted him down.

Vic:
Good, this guy is just looking for his kid. So let's be ready. [watches William pound on the door and punch the guy inside] Oh, that's a felony in progress...

[An Armenian gangster gets into a traffic accident and confronts the other driver.]

Man:
Now calm down, there's no problem here.

Armenian:
No problem for YOU! I just bought this car, you drive a piece of sheeeit!

Vic:
Hey, let's remember where this Armenian money's coming from. Prostitution, drugs, robberies-- and the rest of this cash is just gonna finance more of the same. They didn't earn it, I don't feel bad about taking it.

Vic:
What were you thinking?

Shane:
Hey where I come from, when a guy's lady jams him up, his buddies go have a talk with her.

Vic:
Not in the middle of the night, Jethro.

Lem:
What the hell they talking about?

Shane:
Like I speak European Hick.