Capitol Critters

Trixie:
They're cats, we're rats. They're big, we're small. What are we supposed to do??

Muggle:
We could invite 'em over, listen to a few records.

Max:
Didn't Hamlet say that?

Muggle:
Not to me.

Juror:
Ok, so he's (Jammet) a liar and he started a fight. What he did was wrong, but what we're doing is worse.

Judge:
But he deserved it.

Juror:
He deserved a fair trial! And he didn't get one! Don't you see? You don't want to punish him because he broke the law, you want to punish him because you hate him! But what if the next one we decide to hate is innocent? If they're found guilty, then we might as well not have a justice system at all!

Jammet:
If I ever find another [gun], that cat is toast!

Max:
Then they'll just get a bigger cat, then you'll get a bigger gun, and the roaches'll get a bigger gun, it'll just go on and on, Jammet. It's not the answer.

[Max and Jammet are in the White House Bathroom]

Max:
Hey, this isn't the cafeteria.

Jammet:
[toilet flushes] No kiddin'. We gotta switch vents and take the back route, it's safer this way. [sees men standing at urinal] Secret Service Agents.

Max:
How can you tell?

Jammet:
Normal people don't aim that good.

Jammet:
How bout'... if we drug them?! How bout'... if we blew his freaken brain's out?!

Jammet:
Yeah, but we're mice with a gun!

Jammet:
[sneaks into the Oval Office with Max] Too bad the last guy left. All he ever did in here was sleep.

Max:
Are we men or are we mice?!

Muggle:
If you don't mind me saying, you look like hell.

Muggle:
Knowledge is very important Max. Socrates once wrote that it is the only good and ignorance the only evil. Excuse me... I'm gonna explode.

Muggle:
Well, sometimes, in the middle of the night, I burst into flames.