The Fairly OddParents, Season 1

Wanda:
You can't spell "Vicky" without "icky".

Vicky:
All right, Twerp! Time for bed.

Timmy:
But it's only 6:04.

Vicky:
Well, it's 9:04 on the east coast. BED!

[one minute later, Timmy's clock changes to 6:
05]

Cosmo:
Now it's 9:05 on the east coast!

Timmy:
Well, how do I look?

Cosmo & Wanda:
Ew!

Timmy:
'Ew' is right! I don't have any hair!

Wanda:
Sure you do! It's here on your back! [Lifts his shirt to show his back is covered in hair]

Timmy:
That's just creepy.

[Timmy, having wished himself to be older, sees his Mom and Dad kissing]

Timmy:
[covers his eyes] Arrrgh! It burns!

[Older Timmy has been eating "grown-up" food at a restaurant]

Waiter:
That'll be $265.

Timmy:
WHAT?! That's more than I get in allowance- I mean, that's more than I make in a month!

Waiter:
Well, you should have finished college.

Timmy:
Did YOU finish college?

Waiter:
[breaking into tears] NO! WHY DO YOU THINK I'M A WAITER?!?!

Fairy-Gram:
Fairy-Gram for Cosmo and Wanda.

Cosmo:
I'm Cosmo and Wanda!

Fairy-Gram:
Now that your kid is big and hairy, your next assignment is mean and scary.

Wanda:
You mean we're being reassigned?

Fairy-Gram:
Ha ha ha! I mean, yes, and we're all very sorry.

Cosmo:
Can we have a couple of hours to say good-bye to Timmy?

Fairy-Gram:
Can I have five dollars? [Timmy hands him a five-dollar bill] Two hours. [disappears]

Cosmo:
Miniature golf is a great kids' game!

[Cosmo and Wanda are turned into a tee and ball]

Timmy:
Ow! My back!

Wanda:
Let me try the Age-O-Meter. Kid...adult...Oh, no! You've become even more of an adult!

Cosmo:
We've got to resort to the heavy artillery!

[Cuts to Timmy riding a kiddie ride outside a store]

Vicky:
And this is for the TV, and this is the VCR, and this is the DVD, and this is the surround sound, and this is the combination microwave popcorn maker/neck massager, and I don't know what this plug does, but I ain't payin' for the electricity.

Timmy:
I lost a life! On level 1! What am I, 4?

Cosmo:
[as Ricky] Wanda! You've got some splainin' to do!

Wanda:
[as Lucy] Even though that's not the way everybody says "explaining", I respect our differences and your right to say it in the way you want.

Cosmo:
Eh, babaloo?

Wanda:
That, too.

Cosmo & baby:
WAH!

Vicky:
Boring! [Changes channel]

Wanda:
[As news reporter] And now, here's Cosmo with the weather.

Cosmo:
[Holding a feather] I thought you said feather. [A pause, then smiles]

Wanda:
Just let me clairify this. You married, your car.

Cosmo:
[In southern accent] Yep, now my kids get seventeen miles to the gallon! [Has chair thrown at him]

Wanda:
And we'll be right back.

[Timmy enters Level 8 of the video game, which looks like an underwater version of his Aunt Gertrude's house]

Aunt Gertrude:
[as a giant lobster with large claws] Hello, Timmy! Let Aunt Gertrude pinch those chubby cheeks of yours!

Timmy:
I hope she means my face!

Timmy:
I wish I had cheeks of steel!

Wanda:
I hope you mean your face.

Timmy:
I do!

Cosmo:
It's a show about nothing!...How do we know when it's over?

Vicky:
[watching the show] I do. [changes the channel]

Cosmo:
Follow me to the TV; I've got an idea!

Wanda:
[writing in a book] Wednesday, March 22nd: Cosmo had an idea!

[Later]

Cosmo:
I'm all out of ideas!

Wanda:
[writing in book] Well, easy come, easy go.

[Even later]

Cosmo:
I had another idea!

Wanda:
[writing in book] This was a magnificent day for Cosmo!

Vicky:
Well, keep it down; you know when I'm watching you, I'm watching something on TV!

A.J.:
It's 6:13. Timmy always goes to the bathroom at 6:13.

Chester:
And that's weird. He always struck as a 7:43 whizzinator.

Timmy:
Those creeps! Wait 'til I reset them!

Wanda:
No! If you turn off the game while they're in there, or if they lose their 3 lives, they'll disappear forever.

Timmy:
Then I wish they're out of the game!

Cosmo:
You can't! [turns his head into Timmy's] Quote: "I wish for a video game that's challenging - a game that you can't wish yourself out of!" Unquote. [returns to normal]

Wanda:
You either win the game, or take off the helmet.

Timmy:
You guys don't do anything halfway, do you?

Cosmo:
Nope. We're two halves of a whole idiot!

Narrator:
His velvety voice and beautiful lyrics have moved many a generation...

Cosmo:
[singing] The wheels on the bus go round and round!

Narrator:
He is a talent that will fill your heart with joy.

Cosmo:
[singing] There was a farmer had a dog and Bingo was his name O!

Vicky:
Man, there is nothing on today!

Cosmo:
I'm a Cosmo Coin, and boy am I glad to see you.

Timmy:
Ditto!

Wanda:
[Running on the treadmill that keeps the power going] This'll be great for my glutes!

Timmy:
I wish I had something to stop Vicky!

Cosmo:
Hey, that's just vague enough to work!

[Cosmo creates a door, and Timmy's parents come in]

Mom:
Vicky! It's us.

Dad:
Timmy's Mom and Dad!

Mom:
We're back!

Dad:
You can go home now.

Vicky:
[screaming and melting] Nooooo!

Queen Jipjorrulac:
We wouldn't have to blow up all these planets if you just stop for directions.

King Gripullon:
Quiet! I'm still the king around here!

Queen Jipjorrulac:
King of getting lost.

King Gripullon:
Silence!

[first instance of Timmy's recurring explanation for the amazing things he has as the result of his fairy godparents]

Chester:
Killer Crash suit, dude!

A.J:
Yeah -wherever did you get it?

Timmy:
Uhh, internet?

Wanda:
We have good news and bad news.

Timmy:
What's the good news?

Cosmo:
The alien we got you is actually a prince from the dreaded war planet Yugopotamia.

Wanda:
And his parents are on their way to destroy the Earth and rescue their son!

Timmy:
What's the bad news?

Wanda:
Oh, wait...that was the bad news!

Timmy:
[shouting] Then what's the good news?!

Cosmo:
I found a nickel!

[While Timmy shows off the dinosaur he wished for to the class]

Mr. Crocker:
Incredible! No normal child could have access to that kind of genetic technology. There's only one logical explanation...Fairy Godparents!

[At the end of a three way phone call, Timmy and Chester simply hang up]

A.J.:
Doesn't anyone say "goodbye" anymore?

Cosmo:
Yippee! That hurt!

Timmy:
No, Cosmo, you're supposed to say "ouch" when something hurts

Cosmo:
Oh, okay. Yippee! That ouched!

Mr. Crocker:
Can I offer you anything with that? Cream, sugar, magic?

Wanda:
What was that last one?

Mr. Crocker:
[unsure] Sugar?

Wanda:
[Principal Waxleplax is stuck in a trap Crocker tried to set up for Cosmo and Wanda] I may be naive, but I don't think she's doing it right.

Principal Waxleplax:
[screaming] CROCKER!

Mr. Crocker:
[sarcastically] Oh, perfect.

Principal Waxleplax:
A week of detention for all of you! [to Timmy] You for faking your show and tell[to Chester and A.J.] You for going into the girls bathroom! [to Crocker] And you for trapping me in a toilet paper cocoon and promising two young boys they could enslave the earth! THAT'S NOT RIGHT!

Trixie Tang:
[Shielding herself from Timmy's bright teeth] May I grace you with my presence?

Timmy:
It'll be your honor!

Trixie Tang:
Oh, you're good!

Timmy:
What do those popular kids have that I don't?

Cosmo:
Besides the clothes and the money and the stuff?

[Timmy has become popular, so Chester and A.J. have to find a new friend]

Chester:
Elmer, you're the new Timmy. [puts Timmy's hat on Elmer]

Elmer:
Neat! Can my boil have a hat, too?

Timmy:
What's going on?

Wanda:
You're being sued by Fairy World, and Jorgen Von Strangle is the persecutor!

Timmy:
Don't you mean prosecutor?

Wanda:
No!

Cosmo:
I'm gonna be the defense attorney!

Timmy & Wanda:
NO!

[Cosmo turns into a defense attorney]

Cosmo:
And, for my first legal maneuver, I'd like to make a motion! [starts dancing]

Cosmo:
Don't look at me. I'm just a coal miner!

Mom:
Take good care of our fancy new vase while we're gone! Oh, and Timmy, too. Keep an eye on him.

Vicky:
[glaring at vase] I hate you. Stop mocking me!

Timmy:
Look at the size of this food! If I could shrink everyone in the world down to this size, there'd be enough food to end world hunger!

Wanda:
Oh, that's beautiful, Timmy!

Cosmo:
But not why we're here! Look! Big candy!

Timmy:
Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine!

Single Cell Princess:
[very fast Valley girl] My interests include wiggling and swimming. My turn-offs are penicillin and antibiotics. But enough about me, tell me about you.

Timmy:
Well, my name's Timmy and I have a short attention span and... [wanders off]

Timmy:
[repeated throughout episode] So bored, can't focus.

Vicky:
That's right, Timmy's throwing a "Break Timmy's Stuff" party at his house!

Cosmo:
We're in Kidney Land! Oh, my gosh! Look!

Cosmo & Wanda:
It's Walt Kidney!

Timmy:
Mission control, this is what makes Vicky tick. Cool I can see what Vicky sees.

Pettiness:
Excuse me, this is a secure area. Who are you?

Timmy:
Uh, I'm Bob from the ahhh... central nervous system.

Vicky's Sub-Conscious:
Hi Bob.

Pettiness:
I'm Pettiness, that's Jealousy.

Jealousy:
Why don't I have a suit like that?

Pettiness:
And this is Anger.

Anger:
[sweet] Hello, would you like a cookie?

Timmy:
Sure.

Anger:
[sweet] Well... [angry] SO WOULD I!

Timmy:
[being chased by a swarm of antibodies] I have to find a way out before they box me in! That's it. [flies up a finds a fast-food talkbox] A voice box!

Voice Box:
Welcome to Voice in the Box. May I take your order?

Timmy:
[activates a megaphone] I wish I was out of here! [reverbrates up Vicky's larynx]

Vicky:
[cleaning the house] I have to clean the mess I made and- [in Timmy's voice] I wish I was out of here!

Wanda:
Did you hear that? Timmy learned ventriloquism.

Cosmo:
And Vicky's the dummy!

Vicky:
What?! Cute little animals?! And they're CLEANING?! GET OUT!

Dad:
TROPHY-SENSES TINGLING! TO THE TROPHY CASE!

Dad:
What happened here?!?!

Timmy:
Uh...I melted your trophy with heat vision?

Dad:
Where did you get heat vision?

Timmy:
Uh...Internet?

Cosmo:
Oh, he's good.

Dad:
I'm so mad I wish blinding beams of heat would shoot out of my eyes right now!

Wanda:
No, no, ours is the one with the silly pink hat.

Dad:
Go to your room and don't come out until you learn responsibility for other people's property...or welding skills...whichever comes first!

Timmy:
Now it's time for Scary Stories From The Future! In the future, there will be 500 TV channels.

Young Dad:
Far out!

Timmy:
But nothing to watch!

Young Dad:
AAH!

1970's Cosmo:
The system's trying to take him prisoner!

1970's Wanda:
We're all prisoners...on the inside!

1970's Cosmo:
I love you!

1970's Wanda:
That little Billy Gates and his crazy ideas.

Timmy:
[as Young Dad, offering his trophy] Hi, Mom! I'm Dad. Will you take this; go out with me; marry me; and someday have a boy with a silly pink hat?

Young Mom:
Okay. I'll come by your house later!

Timmy:
[as Young Dad] Groovy! If I'm asleep in a tent in the backyard, wake me up and tell me about the race, in excruciating detail!

Young Mom:
Okay. [wanders off]

Dad:
This is me graduating dictator college. And this is me taking over the world - with smiles! And this is where I'd put a trophy- IF I HAD ONE!

Wanda:
I hate everything! I hate cats, I hate this day. I'm going to bed...which I hate!

Wanda:
You're such a Mama's boy!

Cosmo:
I'm not!

Wanda:
[turns Cosmo into a baby] Now you are!

[Cosmo defecates in his diaper]

Cosmo:
Hey! You made me make a poopie!

Cosmo:
Let's get something straight! I'm not bright! Big words confuse me! I have the attention span of a rodent! But Wanda loves me anyway. She makes me happy and THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH FOR YOU!

Mama Cosma:
It's not working! He's falling in love with her again!

Cupid:
Well, where's the dough? You know, as the god of love, I love cash.

Mama Cosma:
And I love the idea of Cosmo not being able to love Wanda.

Timmy:
[frustrated] At this rate, I'll never get home! [grabs one of Cupid's arrows] I'll just make them fall in love, and sort it out later.

Cosmo:
[spots a nickel and ducks] Ooh! I spy a nickel!

Cupid:
[arrow hits Cupid] You know, Mama Cosma, there is something I love more than money: YOU! [Mama Cosma screams as Cupid chases her]

Wanda:
I'm sorry I yelled at you puddin'. I promise I won't do it unless you really mess up again.

Cosmo:
Like I will tomorrow?

Wanda:
It's a date.

Dad:
Okay honey, are you ready for your anniversary present?

Mom:
[blindfolded] Oh, I'm so excited! What is it? What is it?

Dad:
Open your eyes!

Mom:
It's a blindfold! Oh, I've always wanted one!

The Crimson Chin:
Great jaws of justice! Spatula Woman!

Timmy:
But that's just a geek in a costume!

The Crimson Chin:
My powers...gone! There must be some sort of Chintonite in this facility!

Timmy/Cleft:
[tied to a giant hairy leg missile] Couldn't you have shaved this thing?!

The Bronze Kneecap:
[pointing to his kneecap] Don't make me use this!

Timmy/Cleft:
The Crimson Chin is still a hero, right?! He'll save me, right?!

The Crimson Chin:
Stupid ketchup!

Timmy/Cleft:
Well, uh... besides, I'm not in any real trouble, right?! If I were in any real danger, my Godparents would get me outta here, right?!

Cosmo:
Stupid ketchup!

The Crimson Chin:
By my mother's mandible - I say NAY!

[Timmy wins the Comic Book Convention fancy dress competition]

Wanda:
He's my hero!

Cosmo:
[holding a hero sandwich] And this is mine! [attempts to squeeze ketchup while shaking it up and down, but can't] Stupid ketchup!

Timmy:
I can't believe it! I'm this dog's dog.

Wanda:
Isn't that a rap song?

Cosmo:
[gives himself some rap clothes] Word! [gets weighed down by all the stuff and crashes to the bottom of the fishbowl]

Timmy:
Dogs have a better sense of smell. And they can see in black and white. And they can go to the bathroom anywhere they want!

Cosmo:
So can I. I'm just polite!

Cosmo:
[sing-song] I married the smart one!

Wanda:
[sing-song] And I married the...well, he's cute, right?

Cosmo:
Ooh, yeah - I'm gonna swing, Daddy-o! I'm gonna call up all my old friends [leafing through book] Lessee, Wanda, Wanda, Wanda with a star beside it, Panda, no that's "Wanda" with a smudge on the 'W'. I...I...I miss Wanda!

[floating at a typewriter]

Wanda:
Finally, a romance novel to shake the ages. [starts typing] It was dawn. I was in my towel when the ninjas attacked...

Vicky:
Here's a physics lesson, Poindexter. Undies plus gravity equals WEDGIE!

Wanda:
Aw! Goat love!

Cosmo:
They say it's the most honest love there is!

[Timmy is trapped by a mob after admitting to setting the town mascot Chompy free]

Timmy:
I'm doomed!

Cosmo:
Well, you've lived a good life, right?

Timmy:
I'm only ten!

Cosmo:
I said good, not long!

Dad:
Well, son, I'd have to do this: [screams like a female] Hypothetically, of course.

Cosmo:
[to a gray blob] Are you Timmy?

Gray Blob #1:
No. I'm Chet.

Wanda:
[to another gray blob] Are you Timmy?

Gray Blob #2:
I'm Dominic.

Cosmo:
[to the first gray blob] Are you Timmy?

Gray Blob #1:
I just told you! I'm Chet.

Cosmo:
I hate this wish! I can't tell which blob is our blob.

Gray Dr. Bender:
Is this your ball on our lawn, and your gray on our gray?

Gray Timmy:
Dr.Bender! Wendell! You're big gray blobs just like me!

Gray Dr. Bender:
Actually we're the grayest and the blobbiest.

Gray Timmy:
But everyone's exactly alike!

Gray Dr. Bender:
That's where you're wrong, little, not so gray boy! In fact, only blobs as gray and blobby as we are can have a gray ball as fun as this. Now beat it!

Dr. Bender DDS:
Well, Bucky The Buck-Toothed Tooth Boy, that's where you're WRONG!

Cosmo:
If you're playing Timmy Ball, wear a helmet.

Wanda:
What about Wanda Ball?

Cosmo:
I know that game!

Wanda:
Do you know I use a cinder block?

Cosmo:
Didn't know that! [Wanda drops a cinder block on his head] Aah!