Ghosts, Season 1

[First lines of the series]

Trevor:
It won't be long now.

Alberta:
At least she's comfortable.

Pete:
There's definitely worse ways to go.

Alberta:
Amen.

Isaac:
We are ghosts. While most spirits pass on to the afterlife, we are the unfortunate few cursed to spend eternity... Oh, and she's gone.

Isaac:
We are ghosts, those poor spirits who dwell on, compelled for reasons unknown to...

[Crash is headless. Samantha screams in terror.]

[final lines]

Isaac:
Okay, I need you to look up "Alexander Hamilton" on this.

Jay:
You're not even listening to me.

Samantha:
Babe, you're not listening to me.

Pete:
Unbelievable!

[final lines]

Alberta:
We hate Halloween.

Jay:
What did they say?

Samantha:
They don't like it.

Jay:
OK, that feels off brand.

[first lines]

Pete:
And just like everything else, when it comes to nature and safety or even plain old life lessons, it's all in this book. Which brings us to today's lesson: archery!

Scouts:
Yay!

Pete:
Now, I'm sure we all just want to just start flinging arrows at the targets, but, first, we need to go over some basic safety rules, okay? Rule number one... and I cannot emphasize this enough... never notch an arrow when someone is downra...

[A scout shoots the dart on Pete's neck with an arrow.]

Pete:
Is it... uh... is it in my neck? Uh... this is actually a great opportunity to discuss what to do in this situation, right? Becky. Becky, you want to run and tell the lady at the house and see if you can use her phone? I'm gonna... I'm actually gonna take a nap, uh, behind the sh-shed over there. Let's reconvene in 15, okay? Mm. You know, 15, 20.

[first lines]

Bank Robber #1:
This is a stickup. Everybody down on the ground. Just stay on the floor, and nobody gets hurt.

Bank Robber #2:
Hurry up before the pigs get here.

[first lines]

Isaac:
Troops, we're running low on fresh water, so I must speak against this ridiculous new trend of hand-washing.

Jay:
Seriously, this is super creepy! Are you guys still in here? Please leave.

[final lines]

[first lines]

Alberta:
Let's go, Sam! We don't have all day!

Hetty:
Careful, you cad. Those sconces are made of pure leaded crystal. They are worth more than Oklahoma.

Jay:
Okay, yep. Easy-peasy...

[Jay gets electrocuted and falls on top of Hetty.]

Samantha:
Jay! Oh, my gosh. Are you okay?

Flower:
What's going on?

Samantha:
I think Jay electrocuted himself.

Isaac:
Oh, he's fine. Ben Franklin used to do the same thing all the time for attention. More like Needy Richard's Almanack, am I right?

Sasappis:
And also to remind you to leave the TV on when you go.

Samantha:
He used the kitchen iPad. I knew we needed a better password than 1234.

Jay:
Okay. I'll just stay in here with the corpse and all the ghosts. I was kidding. Sam, please slow down! Sam!

Thorfinn:
Yes! Is favorite story that does not involve killing Danes.

[final lines]

[first lines]

Trevor:
Boys, boys. Notice anything different about me?

Ari:
Uh, no, but I noticed something different about your mom when I left her house this morning.

All:
Oh!

Samantha:
Alexa, play "Kiss Me".

Alexa:
Playing "Kiss Me" by Sixpence None the Richer.

Hetty:
You should take it down.

Stephanie:
No, that's my poster.

Hetty:
Take it down.

Stephanie:
That's my special new poster.

Hetty:
Take it down!

Ghosts:
No!

[final lines]

Samantha and Jay:
Welcome to Woodstone B & B.