Hogan's Heroes, Season 4

Hogan:
Gestapo man came to camp and I wasn't told?! Where was I?

Kinchloe:
Listening to the World Series, with the rest of us.

Hogan:
Well. First things first.

Klink:
Hogan, I want my car!

Hogan:
You'll have it, sir, sooner than you expect.

Klink:
How can it be sooner than I expect when it is already later than I thought?! Hogan, I have a dinner date, and I want my car by 7 o'clock!

Hogan:
You'll have it, sir, you have my promise.

Klink:
I can have your promise anytime I want; this time I want my car!

Klink:
Oh, General Burkhalter! What a pleasure to see you!

Burkhalter:
Klink! Why is it that you get more of a pleasure seeing me then I do seeing you?

Klink:
Now, I understand that General von Trager appreciates all of the good things in life.

Hogan:
Then why is he staying here?

Klink:
I must tell you, Herr General, that I am not the greatest bridge player in the world.

Hogan:
Have you ever played with grown ups before, sir?

Colonel Hogan:
The Blue Baron is leaving.

Klink:
Hogan, where's my car? You promised it would be parked and waiting for me. It is not parked and waiting for me. Why isn't it, and where is it?

Hogan:
Well, I-

Klink:
"8:00," you said. "Promise?" I said? "On my word of honor," you said. "8:00 sharp," I said. "Not one second later," you said.

Hogan:
Did I say a.m. or p.m.?

Klink:
It is now 9:30.

Hogan:
Colonel Klink, I want you to know I understand your annoyance.

Klink:
Oh, I understand it, too. But what I don't understand is where's my car?

Hogan:
Well, let's be fair now. Do you by any chance recall what you wanted done to the car?

Klink:
To have it washed.

Hogan:
And waxed. Don't shrug off the toughest part. Do you know how long it takes for a good wax job? I've never heard anything more ridiculous!

Klink:
Hogan, I have to pick up General Burkhalter at the station in 45 minutes.

Hogan:
General Burkhalter?

Klink:
Yes.

Hogan:
Your car will be ready.(Rushes to the door)

Klink:
Without fail?

Hogan:
Put yourself in my hands.(Rushes outside)

General Burkhalter:
The idea of Klink being a British agent is ridiculous!

Hochetetter:
Ya, I could not believe it myself, but you were here. You heard the phone ring. You saw me write down the message, so you know I'm not crazy.

General Burkhalter:
Yes, I heard the phone ring. I saw you say "mares eat oats." And I watched you eat a wad of paper.

Hochstetter:
The plans, you gave him the plans!

General Burkhalter:
Those plans are for a dirigible, a big bag filled with hot air, just like you!

Col. Robert E. Hogan:
What good are enemies if you can't depend on 'em?

Carter:
How did you know the Colonel was gonna accept the assignment?

Kinchloe:
Easy. I read it in his face. Every time there's a tough one, his left eyebrow goes up.

Klink:
Sir, it may cost a lot more, but may I remind you, we have never had an escape at Stalag 13!

General Burkhalter:
Then perhaps you should! It might be cheaper.

[...]

General Burkhalter:
Klink, I warn you: Keep expenses down, get your house in order, or the next time you want caviar, you won't have to import it. You can catch your own on the Volga.

Newkirk:
A gift for the one man who's got everything. An ammo dump.

Hochstetter:
Klink! You are succeeding to do by yourself what millions of Allied soldiers are unable to do. Bring the Third Reich to it's knees! Bahhhhh!