ICarly, Season 4

(The firefighters put out the fire that destroyed Carly's room)

Carly:
Oh my god... my room.

Sam:
Wow.

Spencer:
Well... It could be worse.

Cheif Donker:
No, It couldn't. I'm Chief Donker. Seattle Fire Department.

Spencer:
(holds out his hand) Spencer Shay.

Chief Donker:
Yeah. We know who you are.

Sam:
Hey, come here, kid. (Carly breaks down into tears and she and Sam hug each other after her room got destroyed) It's okay, Carls. If you want, you can stay with me and my mom. (Carly keeps crying)

Freddie:
Do you guys know how the fire started?

Chief Donker:
Oh, yes. (he holds up the gummy bear lamp) This bedside table lamp started the fire.

(Spencer gets shocked)

Carly:
But I don't have a table lamp.

(Everyone gets looks at Spencer in shock)

Sam:
Look... Spencer wanted to make you a special present for your birthday...

Freddie:
So... He made you a gummy bear lamp...

Spencer:
(depressed) Carly, I'm... Hey, I bet what that goat did to you last year doesn't seem so bad anymore. (Carly cries again and hugs Sam again)

Chief Donker:
(to Freddie and confused) ...What did the goat do?

Freddie:
You got your room back.

Gibby:
Except for all your old photos and other personal items that can never be replaced.

Sam, Spencer and Freddie:
GIBBY!!

Carly:
(to Spencer) Who has the best big brother ever?

Spencer:
You... (they hug, then face the others)

Gibby:
Man. Is there anything money can't do?

Carly:
Why does your chest look all thick?

Freddie:
Um… I've been working out... y'know, pushups and, milk... [Carly takes his shirt off to reveal a bulletproof vest]

Carly:
That's... quite a sports bra.

Carly:
[as a knock on the door is heard] Come in.

[The door opens, revealing Sam's mother]

Sam:
[shocked] Mom?!

Carly:
They're never gonna make nice! They're both horrible in their own ways! [to Sam] No offense, you know that you're my best friend and that I love you, but let's face it, you're a nightmare!

Sam:
[to Spencer] Dude, if I didn't have a little crush on you, you'd be falling for my baseball bat to your face bit!

Carly:
Little crush?

Sam:
Did he sign the contract or not?!

Carly:
How long did the doctor say you have to wear that cast?

Gibby:
6 weeks.

Sam:
Well, it's your own fault. You jumped off that pipe for nothin'.

Gibby:
You said my cue was Gibby and I heard Gibby.

Sam:
Yeah, but you didn't hear the cue!

Freddie:
Guys-okay, yes, the cue was Gibby. [the 4 start yelling at each other quickly]

T-Bo:
You guys? [they continue yelling] YOU GUYS!

Freddie:
[very angry] WHAT, T-BO?!

T-Bo:
You guys gotta do something about Spencer, the boy's gone too far.

Carly:
What did he do now?

T-Bo:
He gave me the fancy face cream from Europe. It says "It make your face all smooth.".

Carly:
Yeah?

T-Bo:
Well, my face is already smooth. So I gave it to my friend Lucas here. His face has dry patches.

Sam:
And?

T-Bo:
Kevin, kill the lights! [Kevin turns the lights off as Lucas's face glows in the dark]

Sam:
Whoa! [the 4 are shocked]

T-Bo:
Turn 'em back on! [Kevin turns the lights back on as Lucas's glow face goes off] Glow in the dark face cream?! What kinda sick man thinks that's funny?!

Carly:
[sighs] I'm sorry!

T-Bo:
Tell that to Lucas! Now he can't go see a movie! You all better do something about Spencer.

Lucas:
Mm-hmm.

Carly:
No one wants to kill a live chicken and then barbecue it!

Sam:
You don't know everything.

Freddie:
iCarly is not responsible for damage caused to your feet, toes or the central nervous system.

Carly:
(referring to the old lady who stomped her) She stomped me with her boney old foot!

Freddie:
You want me to rub it? (she looks at him displeased) You rub it.

Carly:
Give me the mic. (takes the mic)

Sam:
Go get em', kid:

Aspartamay:
You have the breath of a dastardly goat with infected gums.

Spencer:
Your words have no bite. For they are spoken by a gutless thief. Sprung from a lineage of cowards and hog farmers! (the crowd gasps)

Aspartamay:
...Okay, seriously dude, you take that back right now.

Spencer:
No returns, man. Put it out there and it's staying out there!

Security officer:
(to the people quarreling with each other) Stop fighting! You don't need to do this! Have you no sense of decency?!?

Carly:
(is playing with a Rubix cube and completes one side, then turns to Sam) Look! I got one side done.

Sam:
Nice.

Freddie:
Will you take your head out of your Fatshake and listen to me?! [grabs fatshake and slams it on table]

Cort:
I remember it. It was first day of seventh grade and my dad told me 'Cort: you gotta learn how to tie your own shoes. It's important.' Now I can tie my own shoes without even thinking about it!

Carly and Sam:
Aww.

Carly:
That is such an interesting story !

Sam:
You are sooo good looking.

Carly:
[laughs] I was about to say that.

Freddie:
In 5, 4, 3, 2...

Cort:
1!

Ashley:
Um excuse me. Someone left their purse here. Is there a lost and found I could take it to?

Carly:
No, that's my purse.

Ashley:
[gasps] You must've been so worried!

Carly:
No...it was just on my bed.

Ashley:
[surprised] I have a bed!

Cort:
I got one, too!

Ashley:
Rock on!

[Sam runs into Spencer and Carly's apartment]

Sam:
Hey! Can I come in?! Freddie get off that computer! Have you guys seen this?! YOU GOTTA SEE THIS!!!

Freddie:
No wait, just give me about 20- GOING DOWN!!! [Sam pushes Freddie off his chair and onto the floor] Aw, man! It was rendering!

Carly:
[to Sam] What is up?

Sam:
Nevel!

Spencer:
Papperman?

Sam:
[sarcastically] No, Nevel Vanhutersmusen.

Spencer:
[idiotically] The pianist?!

Freddie:
There's only one Nevel.

Carly:
And he's not a pianist.

[Nevel is in a super market where the pickles are displayed]

Nevel:
Dill pickles, kosher pickles, sweet pick-- ah! Bread and butter pickles, last jar. [a little girl named Molly accidentally bumps into Nevel with a shopping cart] AAH! [drops the jar and it shatters] OH, NO!

Molly:
I'm sorry.

Nevel:
[angrily] Sorry? You're sorry?! THAT WAS THE LAST DANG JAR OF BREAD AND BUTTER PICKLES IN THIS STORE!! Where's your stupid mother?! Where is she?! [takes a lollipop out of Molly's shopping cart; calmly] Were you gonna buy this lollipop? [throws the lollipop down on the ground, shattering it] Well, now, it's broken!! [Molly starts crying] Not so fun, is it?! Oh, here we go! Sure! Cry it up! WELL, I'M CRYING ON THE INSIDE BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ANY DANG BREAD AND BUTTER PICKLES! JERK!

[Nevel shows up at the apartment and the gang tie him up on the sofa next to Gibby, eating pudding]

Nevel:
Must you eat your pudding so loudly?

Carly:
Okay, Nevel, why are you here?

Sam:
Yeah, why?

Freddie:
You hate us.

Nevel:
I don't hate anyone anymore except myself. Until I saw that video of me shouting at that little girl, I didn't realize what a terrible, awful person I really am.

Gibby:
This pudding rocks.

Freddie:
Look, I know it's scary for you to put your feelings out there, 'cuz you never know if the person you like is gonna like you back. Everyone feels that way. But you never know what might happen if you don't-

Sam:
[kisses Freddie]

Freddie:
[after the kiss] I...

Sam:
S-sorry.

Freddie:
...It's cool.

Carly:
You've seen the animal channel!

Freddie:
[looks confused]

Carly:
The...the horses.

Freddie:
[raises eyebrows]

Carly:
When they want two horses to...y'know... "DATE"...

Freddie:
[nods head]

Carly:
...they put 'em in the same barn together...then they, like, turn the barn lights down...

Freddie:
[smiles, raises eyebrows, and nods]

Carly:
Oh, you know what I'm talking about, why are you making me say it!?

Freddie:
[laughs] Okay, okay. So we get Sam and Brad. Take 'em to a barn...

Carly:
Stop joking, this is serious!

Carly:
Okay, we're going to move on to our next segment here on iCarly!

Sam:
Which involes the brain of our disturbed friend, Gibby!

Carly:
Yes! We all know that Gibby's head is full of wrong-ness...

Sam:
And to demonstrate that again, let's take a look at- [huge moving cactus walks towards Carly and Sam growling]. Uh oh... it's the cactus' big brother!

Carly and Sam:
[holds onto each other and screams]

Tori:
[from Los Angeles watching the web show with Steven laughing] Oh my God, how funny is this? Aren't they hilarious?

Steven:
Yeah, it's funny... [pretending not to know what it is] What's it called?

Tori:
iCarly. [confused] You've never heard of it?

Steven:
Uh... no... why?

Tori:
Cause' you live in Seattle half the time, and that's where these girls do it from.

Carly:
[from laptop with Sam] Go on now!

Sam:
[at the cactus' big brother] Go!

Carly:
[at the cactus' big brother] Walk out the door!

Sam:
Just turn around now!

Carly:
You're not welcome anymore!

Steven and Tori:
[laughing with Steven laughing nervously]

Sam:
And now,

Carly:
A disturbing voyage into the depths of the ever puzzling Gibbish brain...

Tori:
[laughing] That girl Carly's really pretty don't you think?

Steven:
Sure... just uh, not my type... anyway... uh, you know, we've been going out for over 3 months.

Tori:
I do... we're coming up on our 100 day kiss.

Steven:
Sneak preview?

Tori:
Show me the trailer. [kisses Steven]

Sam:
So face it Rex, you couldn't even rap, if I stapled his lips and took his hand out your back!

Carly:
We're never coming back to Wisconsin.