The Mindy Project, Season 4

Morgan:
Now Dr. K's treating me like family. He took me on his boat! No one has ever done that and brought me back.

Mindy:
You cannot keep a Southern family's gay secret for personal gain. What, are you in a Tennessee Williams play?! [pause] Whoa, am I smart?

Mindy:
That was a great surgery. I forgot how much I enjoy slicing open women. Thank God I became a doctor.

Jody:
After that, I think we deserve a treat.

Mindy:
Whoa, a flask? Mine was confiscated at the American Girl Store.

Mindy:
If you are not living your authentic self, what even was the point of Glee?

Morgan:
Of all the times I have been abandoned at a celebrity pet grave, this is the most hurtful!

Evelyn:
It's been a great place to raise Eric. You know, everyone owns a gun here, so there's no crime. It's just accidents and suicides.

Evelyn:
You know, I think Eric got his blue eyes from someone on Danny's side of the family.

Morgan:
Huh, yeah, probably. There's just one little problem with your theory, lady....That man's fiancee had me dig through his geneology to find out if there was any chance that she could have blue-eyed children. And I still have the scratch marks from when I told her it was impossible.

Danny:
Castellano men express their feelings through fighting or dancing. It's either the fist or the foot.

Annette:
Hey, you want an omelette?

Mindy:
OK, sure, thanks!

Annette:
Well, I wish I'd known that before I started making pancakes.

Mindy:
Oh, a trap! Great.

[Mindy and Morgan are interviewing potential nannies for Leo]

Nanny 1:
Child is like mule. It must be trained and broken.

Nanny 2:
I will raise your child like it was one of my own weasels.

Morgan:
Do you smell weed Dr. L?

Mindy:
I do.

Morgan:
Yeah.

Nanny 3:
I love the way babies smell. [sniffs]

Morgan:
I just got an Amber Alert on my phone.

Mindy:
Get him outta here.

Mindy:
Doing cocaine once doesn't make someone a cokehead. Don't jump to conclusions. I hit a bicyclist once with my car, does it make me a murderer? I have no idea, I drove off.

Whitney:
I only do coke to have fun after work. And to work.

Mindy:
Why would you think it was OK to take a photo of my son in an anti-vaccination onesie?

Clara:
But I thought you said you wanted him to be famous!

Mindy:
Yeah, of course I do! But if you want him to model, you gotta go through his talent agent, who I don't have, because no one will accept us as a package. Also, he is vaccinated.

Clara:
What?! Why? Vaccines are just toxins pumped into our children by Big Pharma!

Mindy:
No! You know what Big Pharma did? They got rid of Big Mumps and Big Polio.

Clara:
Yeah, but no one even gets those anymore!

Mindy:
Because of vaccines!

Jody:
I'm great with kids. My Uncle Randy got kicked in the head by a mule, he had the brain of an infant. Took care of him for years. Now he's a Mississippi state senator.