O'Grady, Season 1

Kevin:
Alright, Harold, your first phone number. You should get this framed.

Harold:
Already had it photocopied.

Abby:
This party is gonna be awesome. Your mom will never know about it and Pete will never know what kissed him.

Beth:
What? What did you just say?

Abby:
Pete will never know what hit him.

Kevin:
Look what you did, Abby. This string was the last straw... that you broke... which was the last... straw. You know what I mean!

Kevin:
See anyone look up?

Abby:
No, did you?

Kevin:
No, truce?

Abby:
Truce.

Kevin:
I call roof.

Abby:
I call fire escape. Roof's that way.

Kevin:
Fire escape's that way. I got the fire escape!

Abby:
I got the roof!

Kevin:
See ya tommorow!

Abby:
Good luck!

Jamaican Hippie:
Will you be a witness to my poem?

Abby:
[confused] What?

Jamaican Hippie:
[talking while making spastic physical movements] "Earth now in confusion with form as I walk.

Abby:
Oh, you're asking me what I thought? I thought that was part of the poem. [imitates Jamaican Hippie and using similar physical movements] You...are...a...walking...stereotype...The...sixties...called,...They...want...their...hat... back!

Jamaican Hippie:
Thank you for your honesty. [grabs Abby's hand] You are my new Muse!

Abby:
Okay, no touching, but we do except tips!

Abby:
Kevin, what are you doing?!

Kevin:
I'm eating!

Abby:
Off the floor?!

Kevin:
What? It's not dirty unless it stays there for like an hour (eats food from the floor)

Abby:
Kevin, you are so disgusting!

Kevin:
Mmmm, turkey!

Abby:
They don't even serve turkey here!

Kevin:
They don't?

Abby:
No, spit it out!

Kevin:
Okay, (spits into his hand)

Abby:
Eww, not in front of me!

Kevin:
Okay, I'll just put it back into my mouth (puts it back into his mouth)

Abby:
Eww!

Kevin:
That's good turkey!

Dr. Myers:
Wow, Kevin! How do you get the street signs to obey you? Show me your mastery!

Kevin:
Well, Dr. Myers, you just ask them.

Dr. Myers:
Is that all?

Kevin:
Yeah, well, they're public service signs, they're here to help.

Gym Coach:
Well Abby, without you, we actually won a game of softball!

Kevin's Bubble:
Who else beside Harold is your friend?

Kevin:
I got lots of friends!

Kevin's Bubble:
Like who? Your dolls?

Kevin:
[pops bubble] Shut up!

Kevin's Bubble:
[laughs] You still play with dolls!

Kevin:
[swats bubble away] No I don't! Those are action figures!

Kevin's Bubble:
Yeah, whatever man.

Abby:
Wow Iris, you must really like pudding!

Iris:
No, I just like to lick spoons.

Beth:
You know, I read somewhere that certain people have psychological disorders that make them hate their own babies.

Abby:
Beth!

Beth:
Oh no, I didn't mean you, I meant her.

Other girl:
Hey!

Beth:
I didn't really mean you.

Beth:
So for awhile I was thinking the weirdness was that there was no weirdness, which would totally be the weirdest weirdness ever, right?

[to Harold]

Phillip:
No one gets between me and my Lingonberry, no one, no one.

Dr. Myers:
You're very good at this Phillip, very creepy.

Kevin:
Hey, Abby, can I borrow your cell phone?

[Abby hands Kevin her cell phone]

Abby:
Who are you calling?

Kevin:
Pizza place.

Abby:
But we're in the pizza place.

Kevin:
Yeah, I'd like a pizza for delivery. Abby, do you want anything?

Abby:
I'll have mushrooms on it but wh-

Kevin:
I'll have one half mushroom, half plain

Abby:
Wait, you're using my minutes because you're too lazy to get up and walk to the counter?

Kevin:
Yeah. Oh, I'm over at the booth in the corner, I'm waving my hand.

Abby:
I want a soda.

Kevin:
Okay, bye. [hangs up]

Abby:
Kevin, I wanted a soda.

Kevin:
Abby, the counter's right there, just get up and get it.

Old Harold:
You know Beth, I've always admired you.

Beth:
Really?

Old Harold:
Yes. I believe someday you'll change the world in a dismal, almost insignificant way.

Beth:
Thanks! I think.

Kevin:
[about secluded location] It's the perfect place to hang out!

Harold:
Or make out!

Abby:
Ew! Don't even think about it.

Kevin:
I am not making out with Abby!

Abby:
I'd rather make out with Harold than make out with Kevin!

Kevin:
I'd rather make out with Harold than make out with Abby!

Beth:
Why dosent anybody want to make out with me?

Abby:
Okay, there will be no making out!

Harold:
There is some uncomfortable sexual tension in this car!

Kevin:
So how's she taking it?

Abby:
Um, yeah pretty well. I just wouldn't mention S-P-I-N-A-C-H.

Kevin:
Spine ache?

Abby:
Spinach!

Beth:
Aaah!

Beth:
O'Grady got all Hollywood.

Harold:
I know! I've already had my right arm in three scenes!

Abby:
Oh my God, Harold, I saw your arm, it looked really good.

Brooke:
There's an old saying, Abby. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. See you at practice tomorrow girls. (to Heather) Heather!

Abby:
Freak.

Beth:
Yeah.

Abby:
What did she mean by that enemies closer thing?

Beth:
I think she meant quit.

Abby:
Time!

Beth:
16 seconds.

Abby:
How is our relationship gonna move forward if we cannot expend more than 30 seconds together?

Beth:
Umm, don't you have to have a relationship with someone before you can move forward?