Awkward, Season 1

Jenna:
For 15 years, I fantasized about everyone noticing me as I walked down the hall. What would I be wearing? Would every guy worship me? Would I be five inches taller and have porn tits? No, that was not my reality. My moment in the spotlight sucked some serious ass.

Lacey:
[to Jenna] Why can't she be like every other teenager and starve herself?

Jenna:
It was just a dramatic teenager rant! Not a cry for help. It was a misunderstanding of epic proportions. God, I wanted to die. I mean, you know what I mean.

Tamara:
Jenna, we got your texts. Where are you on the Britney meter?

Jenna:
I may be mid head shave.

Sadie:
Maybe people would stop staring at you if you could just finish the abortion your mom botched.

Jenna:
In my fantasy scenario, I was gonna be the badass, the rebel, I'd be a legendary sophomore rockstar that no one would ever forget again. But in reality, I had 30 more people taking pictures of my tits.

Jenna:
I was living this magical high school moment that I only thought happened in movies and like most leading ladies, I wanted more. Not more boning. I wasn't starting a lifelong battle with sex addiction. I just wanted more intimacy.

Tamara:
If we don't go, then the terrorists win and by terrorists, I mean Sadie.

Jenna:
[to Tamara] Was there an orgy at Lissa's?

Tamara:
Evidently. And get this: I was part of it. I mean I wasn't really part of it, but everyone will think I was. Oh my God, this is so much better than a red cup photo. Now I have red cup on my face!

Ming:
Well, I don't know if this will make you feel better, but at least you'll be happy you're not me. When I got home, my parents took the bark control shock collar off our dog and put it on me.

Ming:
Do all boners look like weapons?

Jake:
[to Jenna] I didn't know you were a smoker.

Jenna:
I'm not.

Jake:
Well, I hear cancer does make your ass look huge.

Tamara:
Your suicide stigma is like the herps. Just when you think it's gone, it comes back.

Sadie:
If I wrote you an evil letter, you'd better believe I'd sign my name.

Jenna:
[to Tamara] What are you doing?

Tamara:
Snooping, I found Satan's room!

Sadie:
Oh, look they picked the dead girl to play dead. Congrats Jenna, you've actually become a cliche of yourself.

Lissa:
Cliche means stupid, right?

Jenna:
[to Matty] So you can sleep with me in private, but you can't talk to me in public? Figure out what you want, Matty because I'm tired of being your secret.

Jenna:
This was coming from a woman who had simply referred to me as "Lil' Bitch" since the day I was born.

Tamara:
He looked upset. Boners don't make you upset.

Tamara:
[to Jenna] What the hell is going on with your mom? Think she has cancer?

Jenna:
Maybe.

Jenna:
If my life had an escape button, I would have checked out for the day. There was only one small problem...

Lacey:
Make a wish!

Jenna:
It was my Goddamn birthday.

Jenna:
As far as I was concerned, fifteen could suck it because sixteen, well, it was starting off pretty damn good.

Jenna:
Watching an emotional train wreck was awesome unless you're the one getting hit.

Lissa:
And now everyone probably thinks I'm unstable.

Valerie:
Honey, that probably has more to do with your twitchy eye than your outburst.

Matty:
Hey, home wrecker! Did I cross a line?

Jenna:
No, the line is across my cheek.

Jenna:
Is there something you want to tell me? Because I'm pretty sure Viera is of the Ellen variety.

Ming:
Going with a girlfriend was the only way my parents would let me go, so if I have to let her feel me up at the end of the night, I'm down for the cause.

Lacey:
You're embarrassing Jenna.

Jenna:
You're both embarrassing Jenna!

Jenna:
Thankfully, my dad always had my back.

Kevin:
Now, I'm not pushing anything, but if you guys decide to take things to the next level, make sure your wrap up the sausage.

Jenna:
Assumption was the mother of all screw-ups.

Ming:
We didn't become a billion strong by hanging out in the library.

Lacey:
Do you think this push-up bra is doing its job?

Jenna:
Yes, but just give it the day off.