Awkward, Season 2

Tamara:
Matty didn't even flinch. He just jet-ski'd past his heartache.

Lissa:
By the way, you look skinny.

Sadie:
That is something a friend would say, bitch!

Jenna:
Val, the cat is imaginary.

Valerie:
So is my relationship!

Tamara:
If you got down and dirty in that hellhole, you have more to worry about than your image. The Sanctuary is the slutty vagina of palace hills, total petri dish.

Matty:
Can I borrow your thong?

Jake:
Only if you hand wash it.

Ming:
Asians aren't magic, they don't have control over everything.

Jenna:
Yes, they do. Why do you think our school flag has a dragon on it?

Jenna:
A hot tub equaled one thing: desperation. My mom was desperate for my father's attention and her secret weapon always involved less clothing and more skin.

Tamara:
[to Sadie] Son of a bitch! You played me!

Sadie:
You're welcome.

Clark:
I'm not totally sold on the whole Jesus being straight thing. All that time in the desert with 12 dudes and no women...

Sadie:
Hobags are relegated to the back of the bus.

Lissa:
And then on Sunday, Jesus forgives all your sins and there's a taco party.

Jenna:
[to Tamara] Bad breakup?

Tamara:
10.5 on the dick-ter scale.

Tamara:
Let me tell you something about Ricky Schwartz. The only time he uses the "L word" is for burritos and lesbian porn.

Jenna:
Considering that Ally's longest relationship was with nicotine her spontaneous engagement was kinda sketch.

Sadie:
[to Jenna] :What's up, suicidal slut? [shoves a dollar in Jenna's shirt] Get used to it. Sex is gonna pay your way through college. You're welcome.

Lacey:
Jenna, contrary to the advice I've been giving Ally; you need to know that every first time is the first time, and it should be special.

Sadie:
Where can I get ready?

Tamara:
By the dumpster.

Sadie:
That's sweet, but I don't have time for a tour of your home.

Tamara:
[to Jenna] Jesus, your mom documented high school like it was the best time of her life.

Jenna:
And it was.

Jenna and Tamara:
Sad.

Jenna:
[to Ally] I guess your plan to ruin my parents' relationship worked. Happy?

Ally:
Listen, your Dad's the one who ruined their relationship and it started years ago.

Jenna:
What are you talking about?

Ally:
Think about it. Why would I hate buzzkill this much for no reason? Because I'm the one who had to pick up the pieces when he screwed over your mom over and over again.

Jenna:
[to Ally] You're drunk.

Ally:
And you're a dork, but at least I'll be sober tomorrow...for a while.

Jenna:
[to Tamara] What? Why didn't you give me the heads up?

Tamara:
I don't know maybe I was busy buying lottery tickets 'cause I'm a freaking psychic.

Matty:
You're a bitch.

Sadie:
[smiles] I know.

Ming:
[to Becca] You know my locker combo?

Becca:
I also know your bra size, but I'm not gonna advertise it.

Lacey:
The day I wrote it, my mother laid into me telling me that I wasn't raising you right and instead of tuning her out, I tuned her in. And I did what I never wanted to do: I attacked you the way she has always attacked me and it wasn't right or fair it was just a family pattern that I couldn't break.

Kevin:
[to Jenna] When we were young, I did and said a lot of awful things to her. Things she's forgiven but clearly hasn't forgotten. I wasn't always the best guy.

Jenna:
Well, let's be real. She hasn't always been the best either.

Kevin:
I know, but you've got to cut her some slack. Because what you don't know is that I wasn't always around as much as I should have been and when I was you didn't want me to hold you.

Jenna:
That's not true you were the only one who could put me to sleep.

Kevin:
...with your Mom's song. Singing that lullaby was the only way to get you to calm down. She wanted me to be your hero.

Tamara:
Camp levels out the playing field. Imagine if you guys had hooked up or had sex in a closet or something? Boy, this year would be different.

Valerie:
We have two options: 1. You tattoo Jake's name on your arm where it's visible to the viewing public, then you beg him to stay together. He'll say yes because he's a sucker and then never get it removed.

Jenna:
For once, the universe was working in my favor. Which was not cause for celebration. It was setting off alarms.

Tamara:
I walked in on my Mom making out with her friend Claire.

Jenna:
Your mom's gay?

Tamara:
No! She's a lesb-utante! She keeps it strictly above the belt, but it was a TS sitch, so my mom's letting me go on the trip to keep me from telling my Grandma. Little does she know, I'm totes equal opportunity!

Sadie:
I'm a bitch, but I'm not a heartless bitch.