Bob's Burgers, Season 5

[About Courtney's Working Girl musical.]

Gene:
So it's just a coincidence that you took a beloved '80s movie - some say the sassy sister film to Die Hard - and set it to music and lyrics?

Tammy:
Where's Tina? At home, crying into her butt?

Tina:
No. My butt is dry. And strong.

(Bob awakes from a nightmare.)

Bob:
I'm sorry, Teddy!

Linda:
What - what happened - what happened?

Bob:
I'm killing Teddy.

Linda:
(sleepily) What, you're going to kill Teddy? Alright. Car's gassed up. That's good. Guess I could home school the kids-

Bob:
No, Lin, the burgers are killing him.

Linda:
(shocked) What?

Bob:
The ones I give him every day.

Linda:
Oh. Gotcha.

Bob:
Good God, Linda, you had all that ready?

Linda:
What? I'm just being supportive. Good night.

Bob:
Here's the deal, Teddy: I can make you soup or salad, but I don't think I can serve you my burgers anymore.

Teddy:
You cutting me off, Bobby?

Bob:
I guess I... am.

Teddy:
You're cutting me off!? Is this some kind of sick joke?

Mort:
I think it's for your own good.

Teddy:
You stay the hell out of this, Mort! [to Bob] Bob, if you take your burgers from me, I will murder you and your mouthy wife!

Bob:
Teddy's not my best friend. He's my best customer. There's a big difference, and I really value that thirty inches of formica that's between us.

Gene:
Are you talking about your ding-dong, Daddy? Brag!

(Zeke eliminates Tina in the Freezer Dome)

Zeke:
I did it! I pushed a girl! And not because I like her and don't know how to show it!

Teddy:
Why would you lie to me like that? Who says they're somebody's best friend when they're not!?

Bob:
Look, Teddy, I'm sorry I lied because I care about you...

Teddy:
Pull over here. Stop the car, Bob!

(Bob pulls over at Dusty's Feed Bag. Teddy gets out.)

Teddy:
You're not the only man that sells burgers, you know. I'm going to be a regular at Dusty's Feed Bag now! Friend.

Bob:
Come on Teddy, get back in the car.

Teddy:
Oh, and one more thing, Bob three years ago, you forgot a tomato on my burger and I said nothing. Nothing!

Bob:
Teddy please don't go in there.

Teddy:
You don't tell me what to do.

Bob:
Oh, right! Because that's what Thanksgiving is all about—running around with a bunch of stupid birds and going on rides. Fine, go. But you know what? I am not making dinner!

Tina:
He's handling this pretty well.

Bob:
No, you're crying!

Tina:
I can't believe we're competing against Skip Marooch. He has a book out. I read it! I mean, I mostly read it. I looked at all the pictures.

Louise:
Your name is a verb in this family. We call it "Geneing out."

Gene:
I thought that meant taking off your pants after a good meal.

Ron:
I was "Geneing out" at work the other day.

Hugo:
[swerving the pedi-cab back and forth] I'm "Geneing out" right now!

Gene:
Oh my God. I'm a verb. I'm a bad verb!

Tina:
You're a "berb."

Gene:
I'm a "berb!"

Gene:
One man's trash is another man's Christmas gift for Dad!

Gene:
Aw, I can't believe you quit the Thundergirls. Are they going to make you turn in your Thunderwear?

Regular-Sized Rudy:
See, that's why you're going to be a Hall Manatee, and I'm stuck at Hall Minnow. Well, I'm also a Hall Minnow because I'm bad at networking.

Bob:
What am I supposed to draw first?

Edith Cranwinkle:
First the gesture then the essence, and then the breasts!

Harold Cranwinkle:
Get your charcoal Charlie. Lady's a-waitin'!

Edith:
Harold, be my eyes. How's he doing?

Harold:
Bad.

Bob:
Sorry, I can't concentrate!

Edith:
What's the matter? Don't like what you see?

Bob:
No! It's just, I wasn't expecting all the hair...

Edith:
Well get used to it! It's the human form. It's the most beautiful thing you're ever gonna see in your life!

Harold:
It's super-yummy!

Zeke:
Why do you wanna be a hall monitor so bad anyway? It's just tellin' on kids!

Tina:
No! It's..."helping" on kids.

After Tina helps Zeke get the Whaler's costume...

Zeke:
Now I'm gonna have a story to tell on our wedding day! You think it ain't gonna happen, but I'm gonna getcha, girl! I'm gonna getcha!

Tina:
Mom and Dad might not recognize us when we get back from go-karting. (pulling her hair back) 'Cause our hair will be like this!

Louise:
(pulling on her face) And our faces will be like this!

Gene:
And our penises will be like this! (pause) You can't see what I'm doing, but it's pretty great!

Louise:
I'm coming for you, T. If I finish the season in first place in B-League, I get a spot in the Kingshead Island Grand Prix!

Tina:
But you actually have to win races to finish in first place. Maybe you didn't fully understand that?

Louise:
Oh, ho-ho-ho, keep it up, Tina!

Tina:
Way ahead of you. Literally.

Linda:
You know, do what you got to do, Bobby. If you have to sleep with her to get in, it's okay. I don't like her, but whatever it takes.

Bob:
Way ahead of you, Lin.

[Song:
"Crappy Place/Happy Place"]

Bob:
Tomatoes and green beans and sweet peas

It's a dream come true!

Linda:
(glowering at Cynthia) I wanna take her stupid neck and wring it!

Louise:
That's what I wanna do, too. But with him! (pointing at Logan)

Bob:
The only thing greener than these plants is my thumb!

Linda & Louise:
How did we ever get stuck with these bums?

The restaurant's now a crappy place!

Bob:
(overlapping) I think I found my happy place!

I'm like a British lady in my garden

And my plants agree!

Plants:
Mmm-hmm!

Louise:
(about Logan) He's the most annoying person who was ever born...

Linda:
(about Cynthia) Oh God, she brought her own tea!

Bob:
I'm the world's greatest farmer, things are growing so well!

Linda & Louise:
We're living in our own personal hell,

The restaurant's now a crappy place!

Bob:
I think I found my happy place!

Linda & Louise:
The restaurant's now a crappy, crappy, crappy, crappy

Bob:
(simultaneous) I think I found my happy, happy, happy, happy

All:
Plaaaaace!

(Tina hangs Jimmy Jr.'s Class President campaign poster. Louise assists her.)

Louise:
Lower. A little lower. Just a tiny bit lower...

(Camera pulls out to reveal a trash can.)

Louise:
...Yeah, that's it. In the trash. Now stomp it down with your foot.

Bob:
We're not leaving Sheldon not until we get our money back for that detected helicopter so do the right thing and give us a refund.

Gene:
Well put.

Bob:
Yup.

Sheldon Felds:
You don't get it do you Bob? Sheldon Felds doesn't give refunds to heliflopter's who crash on their first flight.

Bob:
Stop calling me a heliflopter.

Gene:
We don't care how fun it is to say.

Sheldon Felds:
You see I not only sell these novelty toys to make ends meet, but my real passion is customizing the serious RC choppers.

Gene:
Fish in the sky! This was in Revelations! Kirk Cameron was right!

Sheldon Felds Are you done hiding, Bob?

Bob:
We're not hiding, Sheldon. We were regrouping. And we still want our refund!

Sheldon:
Uh-huh. Swim, my pets. Swim! (snickers)

Bob:
Your gently floating fish don't scare me, Sheldon. They're actually kinda pretty. It's a lot like snorkeling, which I've never done but I imagine I would love it! Ow. Ow.

Gene:
Dad!

Bob:
You're shooting BB's at me. Ow, that one hit me in the nipple.

Gene:
That's his good nipple!

Bob:
My good nipple is bleeding!!

Sheldon:
Are we done here, Bob? You lose, I win. Also I have a couple of frozen pizzas in the oven, so I'm far ready to wrap this up.

Bob:
No we're not done!!

Tina:
We gotta make this samaright.

Tina:
And the only force in all of Japan who could stop them are