Bob's Burgers, Season 6

Louise:
It's not fair. Tina and Gene can be scared by anything. Watch.

(Louise claps her hands together. Tina and Gene are startled.)

Gene:
Argh! Clapping!

(Bob and Linda drive the kids to their own special Haunted House in a strange neighborhood.)

Tina:
I've never been to this neighborhood before. Looks like a bunch of old people live here.

Bob:
See, it's already getting good! Old people are scary.

Louise:
Being an old person is scary.

Linda:
(offended) Hey!

Bob:
It is.

(Going up to Bob and Linda's Haunted House).

Louise:
Okay, let's see what the old kooks have cooked up.

Gene:
I hope it's not Dad in sandals.

Tina:
Yeah, his toes are a nightmare!

Linda:
We're not finished with the haunted house! We haven't even gotten to the exorcism!

Louise:
I think we're good, Mom.

Linda:
I was gonna spin my head around in a circle and barf on your father - like the good old days! Ha!

Bob:
Gene, you're gonna put your clothes back on, right?

Gene:
[in his underwear] Oh, am I?

Bob:
I--

Gene:
You're the one making it weird, Dad!

Gene:
I feel like you're doing a really good job as a dad.

Bob:
Thank you, Gene.

Gene:
I'm having a good childhood.

Bob:
Okay, great.

Gene:
Not right now, but overall.

(The family watches the video for "I Love U So Much (It's Scary)" by Boyz 4 Now)

Gene:
Who's that girl? She's not a Boy 4 Now!

Tina:
She won an essay contest. It had to be under 30,000 words and I couldn't cut mine down.

Louise:
Yeah, that's rough. (She sees Boo-Boo) There's that idiot Boo-Boo. It was his dumb birthday last week. Not that I care, or even know that.

Gene:
Allen does not make a believable mummy.

Linda:
Wait, is that a different Allen from the last video?

Tina:
No.

Linda:
Yes, it is! They switch Allens sometimes, Bobby.

Tina:
(getting annoyed) No. They don't.

Bob:
Don't tell Teddy. That's his favorite one. He's a big Allen guy.

Boyz 4 Now:
Girl it's freaky

You trick-or-treat me

My teeth are extra sharp

My body's extra hairy

Got me runnin' in the dark

I love you so much

It's scary!

Mr. Frond:
So, you're in trouble again.

Louise:
Drink some cranberry juice.

Mr. Frond:
What? No, not "urine trouble!" You are in trouble.

[Regarding a homemade doll]

Tina:
I think that's supposed to be Aunt Gayle.

Gene:
Well then who's that lady in the living room?

[On Bob's "Burger of the Day" board being left blank]

Teddy:
This is crazy! You're crazy! You do "Burgers of the Day" every day!

Bob:
Teddy--

Teddy:
A NEW BURGER, EVERY DAY! IT'S THE ONLY CONSTANT IN MY LIFE!

Linda:
[reassuring] Okay, easy, Teddy, Teddy, easy...

Teddy:
[shaking her off] No, no, no, get off of me!

Linda:
Teddy! Teddy!

Teddy:
GET OFF OF ME! When I come back tomorrow, there better be a friggin' burger on that board! You hear me, Bob?!

Bob:
Yeah...

Teddy:
DO YOU HEAR ME?!

Bob:
Bye...

Teddy:
[to another customer, calmy] I'm sorry, sir, I know you're enjoying your lunch. [to Bob] PUT A BURGER ON THAT BOARD!

[He leaves and is heard screaming as the kids enter]

Louise:
Uh, why is Teddy walking in the street, trying to punch cars?

Bob:
He's overreacting because I--

Tina:
[pointing and panicking] THE "BURGER OF THE DAY" BOARD IS BLANK! THE "BURGER OF THE DAY" BOARD IS BLANK!

Gene:
AAAAAAAHH!!!

Linda:
That didn't happen to you.

Bob:
Yes it did.

Linda:
No. It happened to Tippi Hedren in The Birds.

Bob:
What?

Teddy:
Bob, you're describing an exact scene in Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds. They call it "shot for shot".

Linda:
Bob, you think you're Tippi Hedren, honey.

Bob:
I don't think I'm Tippi Hedren, I'm describing an event from my life.

(Jump Cut:
Bob views Tippi Hedren's scene from The Birds on his laptop)

Bob:
Oh my God, I'm Tippi Hedren!

Teddy:
Yeah, you wish!

Bob:
I guess I must have seen that movie when I was young.

Linda:
Oh, you poor thing. You poor dumb thing.

Tina:
Kissing is one of the great parts of life, like dancing. Or rainy days. Or those croissants Meryl Streep made in that movie. We don't have to not kiss. We just have to smart kiss... and now, I am going to kiss everyone in this row.

(Jimmy Pesto reads Bob's plaque.)

Jimmy Pesto:
A mob hit? No fair! How'd you get something cool?

Gene:
Well...bye, Jimmy.

Jimmy Pesto:
Wait wait wait, I love mob stuff! The music, the movies..."Johnny Dangerously." Joe Piscopo in his prime! That's the movie that made me wanna be Italian!