Boston Legal, Season 5

Denny:
Is that how you plan to try this case?

Alan:
Don't start with me, Denny, all right?

Alan:
Do you have any idea how many people die every day from cigarettes?

Denny:
Oh, please. What else is new? Tobacco kills. Big deal.

Alan:
Did you just say "big deal?"

Denny:
Well, it's old news.

Alan:
First of all, it's not just old news. It's absolutely current. The tobacco industry is more powerful today-

Denny:
It's boring!

Alan:
What, have we all just been desensitized? Smoking kills. Whatever. We've all just gone numb.

Denny:
Why'd you say that? Who told you I went numb.

Alan:
...

Denny:
Who said that?

Alan:
What are you talking about?

Denny:
You damn well know... Did she call you?

Alan:
Denny, I have no idea what the hell you're talking about. So why don't you tell me? You have been in a bad mood all day. What is up?

Denny:
Nothing's up. That's the problem. My junk doesn't work.

Alan:
I beg your pardon.

Denny:
I went back to the captain's quarters with one of the girls from the hot tub. My junk failed me.

Alan:
Oh.

Denny:
I'm done, Alan.

Alan:
D-Denny-

Denny:
I wish I were dead. I'd have made a better showing with rigor mortis. Dead. Done. It's over.

Denny:
There are many ways that men go dead as they age. One way ... they start incorporating all the learned politically-correct behavior and thoughts into who they are, in the process deny what they are.

Alan:
What are we?

Denny:
Animals.

Denny:
Today's evolved men talk to each other about politics, kids and education. They talk about anything and everything, yet they are profoundly lonely. Why? Because they are ashamed to share their most base instinct.

Denny:
You and I aren't like that. When we're 90, we'll be sitting on a park bench, pretty girl go by, and we'll say "look at the rack on that one". You and I will never be lonely.

Denny:
You know what your problem is?

Alan:
Yeah, a collapsing economy, two wars....

Denny:
No, Democrats don't know how to win, Republicans do.

Alan:
Maybe instead of so smugly celebrating that Republicans know how to win, might you be at the least bit disgusted at the tactics that they resort to?

Denny:
Oh, please.

Alan:
The despicable pandering like supporting gas tax holidays or cozying up to the Evangelicals or the most egregious example of political pandering in memory: John McCain's choice in running mate.

Denny:
Well... she's run... something.

Alan:
What? A town called Wasilla? Which she left in debt?

Denny:
She had executive experience including foreign policy.

Alan:
Foreign policy? Because she can see Russia on a clear day? Can she even spell "Russia?"

Denny:
She's just as qualified.

Alan:
Denny, she couldn't name newspaper she read or Supreme Court decision

Denny:
Gossip journalism.

Alan:
Gossip journalism? Naming a Supreme court case?

Denny:
This isn't about Palin, it's about McCain.

Alan:
What if, what if he dies?

Denny:
Who?

Alan:
McCain! Of the last 19 Administrations, almost half, half had situations where the Vice President had to assume Presidential responsibilities; in fact- complete control.

Denny:
Reagan had Alzheimer's, his a approval ratings were up-.

Alan:
Denny, John McCain is 72! He would be the oldest person ever to assume office. He's ripe for a heart attack, not to mention, he's had Melanoma four times. There's a very real possibility he could die. And then what? We'd be left with Sarah Palin? Is there really anyone anywhere that's okay with that?!

Denny:
Yes! They're called Americans! The Joe six-pack -

Alan:
Joe six-pack needs someone to fix the economy not have a beer with!

Denny:
I don't hear anything other from Obama.

Alan:
You don't hear anything at all from John McCain. His own camp says "don't talk about it." Instead, we'll just go negative.

Denny:
Oh, Obama's gone negative too.

Alan:
Bulldog Palin said that Obama pounced around with terrorists.