Camp Lazlo, Season 2

Lazlo:
[turning the lights on and off] Ooh! Spooky! Very Halloweeny!

Raj:
[hiding under the bed] Lazlo, don't you think we should have gone home with the other bean scouts?

Lazlo:
[walks over to the bed] What? And miss out on spending Halloween at Camp Kidney and Prickley Pines? They don't know what they're missing.

Raj:
What exactly are they missing?

Lazlo:
Only the chance to dress up in scary costumes and march through the woods from house to house, walking up to the porch with the winds a-howling... [whips the blanket off of Raj, waves it, and imitates the sound of wind blowing. He wraps it around his body like a cape] Knocking on the door and reciting the three magic words.

Raj:
M-M-Magic words?

Lazlo:
[flashes at Raj] Trick or treat!

Clam:
[pops his head out of a traffic cone] Trick or treat!

Raj:
Then what? Then what?

Lazlo:
Then they give us candy.

Raj:
[whimpers, then stops] Candy?

Lazlo:
All-you-can-eat gumdrops, Sugar Smithies, Frosted Fizzies, caramel apples, and chocolate bunnies.

Raj:
[confused] Chocolate bunnies?

Lazlo:
Halloween bunnies.

Raj:
Oh, I love Halloween bunnies!

Lazlo:
But you must believe in Halloween. For those who don't believe will get tormented by the curse of the Halloween Spirit!

Raj:
What does the curse look like?

Lazlo:
Like a scary monster or something.

Raj:
Oh. I do believe!

Clam:
Belief!

Gretchen:
Wow! I can't believe we did it.

Nina:
I can't believe we accomplished everything on our list of things to do for the perfect Squirrel Scout day.

Patsy:
I sure am glad that we decided to save the best thing on the list for last… snail bathing. [giggles]

Nina:
But it pales in comparison to the thrills and spills of hornet racing, I'm still tingling from that exciting fifth place.

Gretchen:
I think scummy dipping was best thing on the perfect day list. I do so love swimming in a good puddle of pond muck.

[The squirrel scouts are all wearing fancy Fru Fru dresses, while Patsy, Nina, and Gretchen only grumble in annoyance]

Jane:
Don't you ladies look Fru Fru in those lovely dresses? Okey-dokey. The public speaking portion of the Miss Fru Fru pageant will teach you to speak with authority. [volunteers Gretchen] Gretchen will demonstrate!

[Patsy and Nina both giggle as Gretchen grumbles in annoyance before Jane Doe gives her a poem]

Gretchen:
[clears throat] This is a tree poem by, um, Heimlich McMuseli.

Jane:
[claps excitedly] Oh, that's a good one, Gretchen!

Gretchen:
[looks at Patsy and Nina, both snickering at her; growls before beginning to speak] Ahem. O tree, O tree O tree, O tree. [starts to lose her temper as her friends are snicker more] O free the Lea the Lea! [Pasty and Nina finally burst out, laughing; now fully enraged] THAT'S IT! [screams in fury as she rips off her dress and chases after them before they climb into a tree; violently tries to chop it down with an axe]

Patsy:
Oh, I feel kind of bad for Miss Doe. She really had her heart set on this Fru Fru thing.

Gretchen:
What does "Fru Fru" mean, anyway?

Patsy:
Well, why don't we go look it up? Come on! [later in the cabin, she and her friends are searching the word of "Fru Fru" in the dictionary] All right, let's see. "Phish… Phrank." [finds the word "Phru Phru" (that starts with "Ph")] Aha! "Phru Phru: Refers to the mysterious ceremony in which some primitive tribes believe they are given the ability to fly." [puzzled] Ability to fly? Oh, that's weird.

Nina:
[realizes] Wait a minute! Don't you girls remember the Fru Fru motto?

Girls:
"Be true to the Fru Fru spirit we adore and your heart will soar forever more."

Patsy:
Soar! She was telling us that we would fly! That's why she wanted us to do all that dumb girly stuff.

Gretchen:
So we could be given the ability to fly?

Almondine:
I think I'd like to be given the ability to fly.

Lumpus:
You want me to blow your mind?! Because I'll blow your mind! I LIED!

Lumpus:
I love you Raj!

Raj:
Yeah Yeah ditto. Let's just do this.

Lumpus:
I despise you, Lazlo.

Lazlo:
I love you, Scoutmaster Lumpus!

Lumpus:
I despise you, Lazlo.

Lazlo:
I love you, Scoutmaster Lumpus!

Lumpus:
I despise you, Lazlo.

Lazlo:
I love you, Scoutmaster Lumpus!

Lumpus:
What badge am I missing?

Slinkman:
The Handy Helper badge.

Lumpus:
And that means to earn that badge, I'll have to ...

Slinkman:
Help someone.

Lumpus:
Help someone?! [screams] NO!

Slinkman:
What are you doing, sir?

Lumpus:
I'm simply too valuable to waste away at this miserable excuse for a camp. The real world needs someone with my can-do spirit, my intellect.

Slinkman:
But, sir, why leave when you could just stay, earn your badge, and be done with it?

Lumpus:
Because the man know the real world doesn't need badges or Grand Legume, Slinkman.

Lumpus:
Goodbye, Camp Kidney, you old pile of logs. Real world, here I- [runs over by a truck]

Slinkman:
Sir!

Lumpus:
Just one of the hazards of the real world, Slinkman. Here, a man must pick himself up and- [runs over by an ice cream truck]

Slinkman:
Sir, it wouldn't be easier to just earn the badge?

Lumpus:
Easier? Yes, Slinkman, but not a man in the real world would do. [runs over by a car]

Slinkman:
Yes, but I wonder if you were cut out for the real world, sir.

Lumpus:
Cut out for it? Why, tailor made is more like- [runs over by a moped] Ow! That one actually hurt a little.

Slinkman:
Please, reconsider, sir. But... [looks back as Lumpus was run over by objects from the real world]

Lumpus:
[after getting hit multiple times] Slinkman.

Slinkman:
Sir?

Lumpus:
Okay, who I gotta help?

[Raj has prepared a special tea for Clam]

Raj:
Careful, Lazlo.

Lazlo:
[spills some tea] Oops.

Raj:
Don't spill it!

[The tea eats a hole on the floor]

Lazlo:
Wow! It's like magma from the Earth's core.

Raj:
More powerful than that. You must be quite mindful.

Lazlo:
Love sickness, love sickness, fly away home. Love sickness, love sickness, leave Clam alone.

Clam:
Clam and Gretchen forever.

Gretchen:
Oh, no. No, no, no. Clam and Gretchen not forever!

Gretchen:
What are you looking at, runt? [walks away] I thought I told you to get lost!

Clam:
Get lost yourself.

Edward:
[seeing that Veronica was gone] NO!

[Edward's scream was heard in the camp, including The Jelly Beans staring at a pinecone]

Lazlo:
YES!

Raj:
I'll take care of the marshmallows if you take care of the of the pickles.

Clam:
Toothpicks! [opens mouth and shows toothpicks in his mouth]

Edward:
Oh, and Lazlo?

Lazlo:
Yes, Edward?

Edward:
Than...clean up this mess, you loser!

[A square-shaped object appears from the sky]

Lazlo:
Do you see what I see?

Raj:
A giant drop of rain fallen straight for us!

Clam:
Splash!

Raj:
The scoutmaster has granted our... [as the object falls closer and closer] ...that's NO RAINDROP!

Lazlo, Raj and Clam:
LOOK OUT!

[Lazlo, Raj, and Clam looked, it was an air conditioner landed on a pile of laundry bags]

Edward:
Hey, when did those Jelly Cabin dweebs get an air conditioner? I'm the hottest camper in camp!

Lazlo:
Scoutmaster Lumpus, I think I broke my leg!

Lumpus:
We'll cut it off later!

Raj:
Scoutmaster Lumpus, I need some advice.

Lumpus:
Here's some advice, cut the funny accent. [Clam is about to say something] Press it!

[Scoutmaster Lumpus and the Bean Scouts gather in the forest]

Lumpus:
Today, we take part in the time-honored tradition of placing relics of today into time capsules to be opened by future generations of tomorrow. What do you got?

Ignatious:
[holds an alarm clock in his hands] Time for the time capsule! [places it in the capsule]

Lumpus:
Next! [screams when he sees the beaver with big red lips] Bee sting?

Wilbert:
[removes the lips. They were actually wax lips] Wax lips.

Lumpus:
[smacks his forehead and groans] Next!

[Wilbert puts the wax lips in the time capsule. The Dung Beetles are inside]

Dung Beetles:
We're ready!

Chip:
For the future!

Lumpus:
Next.

Lazlo:
[arrives] Hey, Scoutmaster Lumpus.

Lumpus:
What is it, kid?

Lazlo:
Did you have a time capsule back when you went to Camp Kidney?

Lumpus:
[flatly] Mmm-hmm.

Lazlo:
Wow! So what did you put in it?

Lumpus:
My youth.

Lazlo:
How 'bout you, Slinkman?

Raj:
What did you put in it?

Clam:
Slinkman put in?

[The other scouts agree]

Old Turtle:
Still the champ! Still the champ!

Patsy:
He's dreamy...

Ms. Mucus:
He's putting us out of business!

Edward:
Our own sub?

Lazlo:
Here you go. [hands Edward a sub sandwich]

Edward:
Submarine sandwiches. Ooh, I'm losing with pride.

Samson:
I heard about these kinds of things. The insane Scoutmaster takes his troupe out to the woods, uh, there's an axe, and a pile of bones, and, and some marbles, and a bag of cereal! And all they find is an eyebrow!

[Lumpus glares at Samson, now wearing a huge bushy monobrow]

Campers:
Ooga ooga eega eega aah! [slap]

Lazlo:
[repeated line] Pizza, French fry!

Lemmings:
[searching for Lumpus and Lazlo while skiing] Scoutmaster Lumpus?! Lazlo?! Scoutmaster Lumpus?! [crash into a tree]

Commander Hoo-Ha:
Tomato scouts don't cry!

Dave:
Sorry, Samson. Guess we didn't see you there.

Samson:
Didn't see me?

Ping Pong:
Yeah. Sometimes you kind of blend in with the background.

Lazlo:
Hey, it's Samson.

Samson:
Yes, it's Samson, so nice of you to remember! [cries]

Ping Pong:
No problem, roomie.

Samson:
[agitated] I WAS BEING SARCASTIC!

Edward:
The only thing we all want to forget…is you!

Edward:
I would rather read the phone book than to hear about [in sarcastic voice] magical wood gnomes! [Lazlo is seen smiling] But you're gonna tell us anyway?

[Lazlo nods his head]

Edward:
Dingle Dinglehopper...

Edward:
[to Slinkman] How am I gonna explain this to my mother?!

Slinkman:
Well, there is a way, but it is very difficult.

Edward:
Everything with mother is difficult.

Edward:
Wait, don't go! I don't wanna get eaten! [clings to Slinkman; crying] My final moments are going to be spent in the mouths of pink-cheeked, bearded, miniature mutants, who inspired hideous lawn ornaments!

[Everyone is singing the Camp Kidney Anthem]

Lazlo:
By the wondrous Leaky waters,

Samson:
And Great Mount White Head,

Campers:
Stands the pretty good Camp Kidney,

Not too bad, all said!

Chip and Skip:
Not the cleanest, not the smartest,

Raj:
Not the best are we,

Clam:
But!

Slinkman:
Proud to be the second best camp,

Campers:
Here on Lake Leaky!

Give us flea infested blankets,

Cabins that are old,

Loudspeakers that pop and garble,

Showers full of mold! (Hi, showers!)

Healthy food and giant head lice,

They will never break

The spirit of our Kidney Campers

Here on Leaky Lake!

Edward:
I know this sounds crazy but I had a dream last night that told me to gather everyone at the gate and then I will get what I most desire, I hope it's a voodoo drum!

Lazlo:
Here you go pal, use my neckerchief. I won't need it anymore.

Raj:
Lazlo, there is something written on the inside of your neckerchief.

Lazlo:
Oh yeah, that was there...when I first got it.

Raj:
Let me take to my heart, Camp Kidney, a wonderland where summer runs free...

Lazlo:
...where I laughed and I played while my good parents paid to let their child come of age and be me.

Raj:
[laughs] Steaming saffron! Who wrote that hokey baloony!?

Big Bean:
[crying] I did.