Cheap Seats, Season 1

Spelling Bee:
It's okay, kid. Spelling bee says, not everyone can win. Someone has got to lose, and that someone just happens to be you.

Jason:
By the laws of the label super, these dogs should all have one fatal weakness.

Randy:
For Superman it was Kryptonite.

Jason:
For the Supersonics it was Vin Baker.

Randy:
For the Superfreak it was crack cocaine.

Jason:
And for these superdogs, it may just be their superjock counterparts.

Jason:
Ok who calls great athletes, superjocks?

Randy:
Super dorks.

Randy:
(Talking About Mike Conley) Why's he so mad? 'You cannot bring that camera on my lawn! Uh-uh.'

Jason:
(Talking About Bill Johnson) Me, a Superjock?

Barry Tompkins:
You know Willie what strikes me is there's a derogatory term that we sometimes use in regards to athletes...

Jason:
Please don't.

Barry Tompkins:
...they got a little dog in 'em.

Jason:
Ah you did.

Randy:
Ahhh.

Willie Gault:
If they would compete in the Olympics, maybe they would win gold medals too.

Jason:
But dogs can never compete in the Olympics because they're dogs.

Randy:
Well at least this event isn't biased in favor of Lundquist, an Olympic swimmer. [during a swimming contest in which Lundquist is the only pro swimmer in]

Randy: [cracking up while seeing a fat woman bent over] Baby got... Baby got back. Jason: And lots of it.

Randy:
"He's dragging the dog. Who the hell is this guy, Ike Turner?

Randy: Uh that's not a word-a-ly. Jason: Uh actually Ran, it is.

Jason:
Alright settle down lady; it's not the NBA Finals.

Randy:
Is this crowd even in the same place as this event?

Jason:
Are they even in the same season as this event?

Randy:
Yeah it's like late Fall in the stands.

Annoucer:
Everyone loves watching Superdogs! Superjocks! right?

Girls:
No!

Annoucer:
Well now you can play it anytime you want. It's the Superdogs! Superjocks! Home Game.

Girl 2:
Awesome.

Annoucer:
You can choose to be your favorite Superjock.

Girl 2:
I don't want to be Steve Lundquist.

Girl 3:
I don't want to be Steve Lundquist either.

Annoucer:
Kids, no one wants to be Steve Lundquist, not even Steve Lundquist. That's why every game comes with an extra Mike Conley, in his swimming attire.

Girl 1:
Wow, is that real Spandex?

Annoucer:
It sure is and it smells like him too.

(Girl 1 sniffs)

Annoucer:
The rules are simple. Each player is dealt five cards from the yellow deck. Then the player sitting second closest to the yellow deck rolls three dice. Move the amount of spaces equal to the side of the red die facing away from you. If the total on your next roll is less than the age of your dog in human years, times two, you earn the right to draw two happenstance cards from the Doggie Deck. Move five spots if you draw a Willie Gault card, but if your other card is a Loch Ness Boombox, it cancels your move and lets other players rub your dog's nose in it. It's that easy! Superdogs! Superjocks!: The Home Game. Guaranteed to be a whole lot of dog gone fun. Cards, dice, board sold separately, dogs not included.

Jason: Dog looks good. Randy: Yeah, did he just come back from a Summer tour with The Dead?

Randy:
"Yes he's ready, that's why he's choking himself to get going.

Randy:
"That's not fair, he's bionic.

Randy: "I like how the crowd is roped off. Jason: Yeah that's so they won't leave.

Jason:
Ohhh, Jackie Smith of dogs.

Bob Sarlatte :
Well you know as a former footballer myself, just in college

Jason:
It wasn't a major college, D3, D4 really. Actually it was Juco. Not even it was a league. It's just a group of guys that got together. It was flag football, I was 10, 11 maybe. And it wasn't football, it was kickball. I used go with my dad. Well I went alone he dropped me off. My parents were divorced, my mom worked three jobs. I get sad when I see parents hugging their kids but enough about me, nice frisbee toss.

Jason:
Yep she's refusing to finish the race. Who is she, Scottie Pippen's dog?

Jason:
Awww, what a loser.

Jason:
"There's was a love that was not allowed to florish. Society said no but their hearts said yes, tonight on The Hump.

Jason:
Don't let him touch that, don't! He's just a baby!

Jason:
Hey, it's the Loch Ness Boombox!

Randy:
This Race is like that scene from Breaking Away.

'Jason:
Yeah, let's hope there's not a refrigerator at the bottom of the pool.

Jason:
Where's Russ' Fans?

Randy:
I need my fan.

Jason:
Get the man his fan.

Ed Helms:
Who are you that you are not suicidal? Because I don't like you, and how can you like yourself?

Jim McKay:
Rounding out the field, the former heavyweight champion of the World, here is Joltin' Joe Frazier...

The Sklars:
I believe it's Smokin' Joe Frazier McKay, it was Joltin' Joe DiMaggio. Well he's up. Frazier, a little anxious. Joe's yellow trunks showing his first true love: swim wear fashion.

McKay:
O'kay moving on the marks and this is 25 meters down and back. They will go...

Randy:
DOWN GOES FRAZIER! DOWN GOES FRAZIER!