Corner Gas, Season 4

[Davis is bugging Oscar about the hole in his muffler.]

Oscar:
A porcupine died for that hole, buddy boy!

Davis:
Don't make this about the porcupine!

Davis:
When have you ever cut my hair?

Karen:
You take a lot of naps.

Lacey:
Seriously, Wanda. I need your complete, impartial opinion.

Wanda:
Alright. I'll be completely impartial. I'll listen to you and Dinglenuts(referring to Hank)

Hank:
D-dinglenuts?

Oscar:
Ungrateful ungrates!

Hank:
Ingrates. I think that's ingrates.

Oscar:
Ingrateful ingrates!

Oscar:
It's like Africa in here. It's like a sauna. It's like a Sauna in Africa!

Emma:
Oh, It's imperceptible.

Oscar:
Well I percept it!

Hank:
Blink twice if you're in danger.

(Shortly thereafter)

Hank:
You blinked like 13 times; I don't know what that means.

Brent:
(Repeated line)Coffee break.

Lacey:
Why did you blow up the tractor?

Hank:
...Oscar told me to. He said Ce...he said t-that don't bother trying to fix the tractor, C-Cecil told him...just blow it up.

Brent:
Gilligan. Alright listen up everybody. Due to unforseen...Hank, we're not gonna be blowing up a barn.

Karen:
Davis is doing hard time, it's no walk in the park.

(Flashback)Karen:
Okay goose-down comforter, hypo-allergenic pillow, earl grey tea-

Davis:
No chamomile?

Karen:
They were out.

Davis:
This is gonna be hell.

Karen:
Prison. You know, the jughouse?

Wanda:
What's four times five?

Brent and Karen:
19.

Oscar:
21.

Brent and Karen:
19.

Oscar:
21.

Brent and Karen:
19.

Fitzy:
What's going on?

Wanda:
I asked them what four times five is.

Fitzy:
Isn't that 20?

Man:
Yeah, Fitzy's right.

Oscar:
21.

Brent and Karen:
19.

Man and Fitzy:
20.

Karen:
I need an excuse of some sort.

Wanda:
But I did all this work!

Karen:
That's the excuse... you did all the work!

Oscar:
No, that's it; I'm not doing it.

Emma:
You're being cruel; I never ask you to do anything.

Oscar:
What are you talking about. You ask me to do stuff all the time.

[In a Flashback] Emma:
Oscar, can you pass me the milk?

Oscar:
And I got a lot more examples.

Karen:
Hey, Davis. I figured you'd be in tax prison by now.

Karen:
You make it sound like Christmas.

Wanda:
Tax time beats the crap out of Christmas.

Lacey:
Why do people who like to do things make people who don't like to do things do things?

Hank:
Nobody's reading this blog are they, question mark? Is there anybody out there, question mark? I'm getting a sandwich.

Emma:
This will be fun! Food, people, the smell of the grill.

Lacey:
That's my job. I do this all day.

Emma:
But this is outside!

Lacey:
Oh great. My job plus bugs.

Brent:
They're here, they're here! Oh man I'm as giddy as a...

Wanda:
Ninny?

Brent:
No.

Wanda:
Boob?

Brent:
Not quite more than ninny less than boob.

Wanda:
Why are you so jacked up over a batch of windshield washer fluid?

Brent:
Maybe this will answer your question.

Wanda:
Aahhh, nope.

Brent:
Well it's red! The old stuff was blue. We used to sell blue, now we're selling red.

Wanda:
Wow, I hope we don't get trampled in the rush.

Wanda:
I think I've got Hot Cross Buns Down, let's try Three Blind Mice.

Emma:
They're the same tune.

Wanda:
...You just blew my mind.

Emma:
Glad to have helped.

Oscar:
Who's punching your horses now?

Wanda:
(to Hank) If you are not injured from this accident, you will be when I'm done with you!

Hank:
I think I broke my wrist.

Wanda:
Damn!

Hank:
I know!

Hank:
You don't know how it goes down! You don't even know when it goes down! It just went down and you didn't even know!

Oscar:
You don't know me, where I'm from, what my sass factor is!

Brent:
I so don't believe you. My disbelief is like an iron fortress of disbelief... patrolled by Superman... and he doesn't believe you either.

Oscar:
[Seeing pregnant women] Headcount! One... and a half. Let's go.

Fitzy:
3 and a half people! That's all you counted? You're both fired.

Oscar:
You don't know how it goes down on the street. You sit here behind your desk.

Fitzy:
I don't have a desk! It's a door on two filing cabinets!

Oscar:
Oh, well you should have one, you're the mayor.

Hank:
You beat Brent! You're Queen of the Knobs!

Karen:
Please don't call me that.

Wanda:
And there goes Karen jogging.

Brent:
Yeah yeah.

Wanda:
Oh and there's Hank running right behind her.

Davis:
How come you never let me use the siren?

Oscar:
Something's different about these mashed potatoes.

Emma:
That's because it's RICE.

Oscar:
Needs sour cream.

Wanda:
(talking about the bowl to Emma) I paid fifty bucks for it on Ebay!

Emma:
Fifty bucks, is that all?

Mayor Fitzy:
Yeah, I mean for an enchanted bowl that's a bargain!

Wanda:
Emma thinks this bowl is enchanted by flavour fairies of the forest

Fitzy:
Your meatloaf's good, but I wanted a cheeseburger. Actually, I heard there was sashimi but it's not on the menu.

Karen:
I can do sashimi.

Lacey:
Can I get you anything else?

Fitzy:
Do you have sashimi?

Lacey:
Eat your meatloaf.

Fitzy:
I guess my strategy of no one running against me, is working.

Fitzy:
You know, of all the ideas I've heard; yours is the first. Let's do it.

Guy in Suit:
Meet the new manager of the Dog River Pump 'N' Go.

Oscar:
Have a nice day, jackass.

Brent:
[repeated line] Coffee break.

Wanda:
I was going to tell him he could lay down on the highway and discuss it with speeding traffic, but a blog ???

Hank:
Yeah, a blog. That's short for weblog: Web 'cause its on the Internet, and … hmm.

Brent:
'Cause it was originally written on wood?

Wanda:
Well, why waste this on us when you could put it on the Internet and have the world ignore it?

Hank:
Whole world, huh?

Emma:
You haven't lived until you've seen power tools cut a teenager in half.

Brent:
I took shop class.

Brent:
I probably touched my eyeballs too much earlier. I was really going at it.