Drake & Josh

Josh:
Can I ask your opinion on something serious?

Megan:
Is this about your rash?

Josh:
No!

Audrey:
[on why she won't go on a cruise] Boats sink.

Walter:
It's not a boat, it's a ship. And ships don't sink.

Audrey:
Tiiiiiiiiiiitanic.

Walter:
That was just a movie.

Audrey:
Based on a true story!

Walter:
...For real?

Josh:
Where have you been?

Drake:
I told you, I went to go get a corn dog.

Josh:
It took you over an hour just to get one corn dog?!

Drake:
I also had a drink.

Megan:
Do you ever clean this car? It's full of trash.

Drake:
Hey, everything in this car is very important to me!

Megan:
[holding up a dead bird] Like this dead bird?

Drake:
Aw, Tweeter died!

[after airport security had detained Drake and Josh]

Head of Security:
I hope you boys learned a very important lesson on how seriously we take airport security.

Drake:
Oh, we learned... Especially during that strip search.

Josh:
...Which was shockingly thorough.

Head of Security:
We do our best. Have a nice day. [to Josh] And good luck with that rash.

Josh:
[angrily] Yeah, thanks.

Megan:
Excuse me? I think the pilot made a mistake. This plane is going to Denver, right?

Attendant:
No, we're in route to Los Angeles.

Megan:
Los Angeles?

Attendant:
Yes.

Megan:
...Not Denver?

Attendant:
No.

Megan:
...Those dumb boobs.

[The flight attendant looks down her shirt in confusion]

Drake:
Okay, let's go and get Megan!

Josh:
Okay, but first...

Drake:
What?

Josh:
I gotta pee really bad.

Drake:
Well, can't you hold it?

Josh:
Yeah, I... [strained] No!

Josh:
I can't believe that we're in Los Angeles driving a stolen car!

Drake:
It's not stolen.

Josh:
STOLEN!!!!

Drake:
We borrowed it. Which is a perfectly reitable choice when you're trying to avoid being attacked by two maniacs.

Judge:
But! I have a but(butt)!

Drake:
(Chuckle)He said he had a butt.

Josh:
Shut up.

Steve:
The cow goes moo! I was trapped in a refrigerator! I take special vitamins!

Little Boy:
When is Santa going to be here?

Steve:
Well, I don't know, but I'll bet you old Saint Nick's going to be here real soon.

Woman:
Excuse me, I distinctly ordered a diet root beer, and this tastes like sh-

Steve:
I AM TALKING TO CHILDREN!!!!

Steve:
HEY! WHAT'S UP, D AND J? GETTING READY FOR THE PARADE?

Drake:
Yeah, positively.

Steve:
OKAY, WELL I'M JUST REMINDING YOU GUYS THAT YOU NEED TO GIVE THESE KIDS THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER IF YOU WANNA STAY OUT OF JAIL!

(last scene of the series)

Drake:
So?

Josh:
So?

Drake:
Yes or no? Is this the best Christmas you ever had?

Josh:
It will be, after THIS! (throws snow at Drake)

Drake:
I'm gonna get you, Nichols!

Josh:
Bring it, Parker! (the two chase each other around)