Drawn Together

Wooldoor:
Foxxy, the only thing you're good at is giving head, and you managed to do the opposite!

Foxxy:
You too Wooldoor?

[Foxxy runs away crying and Wooldoor feels sad]

[The housemates are waking up in their house]

Clara:
Good morning, people and Foxxy. It's a lovely day to be on a reality show.

Foxxy:
And it's a great day to deny wettin' the bed. WHICH I DID NOT DO!

Network Head:
No wonder everyone hates you, I.S.R.A.E.L., you're so goddamn aggravating!

Foxxy:
I.S.R.A.E.L.? Why the f*** is it on our land when we already live here?

Captain Hero:
You saved us, Molly! And tonight, I'll even let you f*** me in the mouth!

Rhino Guard:
Do you not know that impersonating a princess is a serious offense, punishable by death?

Clara:
[slapping the guard] Do you not know that sucking my dick is a serious offense, punishable by FUCK YOU! Now let us in at once or I'll have your children killed! [to the camera] Yeah, it's good to be home.

Suck My Taint Girl:
Look, Make-A-Point Land!

Wooldoor:
Where? I can't see it.

Foxxy:
It's right over there, between Why-You-So-Bitter-About-Being-Canceled Land and You-Had-Three-Or-Four-Seasons-You-Should-Be-Happy-With-What-You-Got-Most-Shows-Don't-Even-Get-That Land.

Foxxy:
[in a confessional] Now, the only one we needed was Toot, so we set off on our journey to find her, a journey of excitement and adventure, mystery and mayhem, love and loss, a journey that carried us to far-away lands and taught us so much about what was right here inside us all along. A journey which would change us all forever. And then we found her fat ass.

Xandir:
[while being imprisoned in a dungeon] I haven't seen this many shit-covered rodents since my last colonoscopy.

Network Head:
It's not that I dislike the Drawn Together gang. It's that I hate those motherf***ers!

Foxxy:
Guys, I solved a mystery.

Clara:
The only mystery you've ever solved is the mystery of the empty uterus. [Everybody except Foxxy laughs]

Foxxy:
If that's true, then how did I found out that the Drawn Together had been canceled?

Wooldoor:
C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-cancelled?

Clara:
That's ridiculous!

Captain Hero:
Girl, you crazy.

Spanky:
Poppycock!

Foxxy:
Oh, really? Then why can I say, "You can all f*** my titties with your shit-covered cocks, you cum-guzzling faggots" without being bleeped?

Spanky:
Yeah! How the f*** is... Whoa! I just said "f***!"

Captain Hero:
F***! Oh, well, I'll be darned.

Toot:
Dick-gobbling, blood-soaked, ass-eating turd taster! Whoo-hoo! This is fun!

Ling-Ling:
If we not on TV anymore, then why have I been bleaching my anus?

Wooldoor:
This is horrible! We're canceled and fake. Just like my child support checks.

Clara:
Never trust a Jew producer. I'm obviously a real Disney princess. If I weren't, why would I be so much better than all you people and Foxxy?

Foxxy:
Maybe the Jew Producer was tellin' the truth. I mean, Clara, you may look like a Disney princess, but how many Disney princesses have done the things you done done? [cut to various shots of Clara doing un-princess-like things] And how many times you seen Josie and the Pussycats do what I doed? [cut to various shots of Foxxy doing things not befitting of Josie and the Pussycats]

Captain Hero:
Now, Foxxy, let's not jump to any conclusions here.

Foxxy:
C'mon, Captain Hero, how many real superheroes do you know that bang corpses?

Captain Hero:
I don't know. Molly, how many superheroes HAVE you been with? [cut to various shots of Molly in sexual encounters with various superheroes, the last one in which Batman can be seen fellating Robin on a toilet]

Jew Producer:
You don't talk much, do you, I.S.R.A.E.L.?

I.S.R.A.E.L.:
I.S.R.A.E.L. talks when I.S.R.A.E.L. has something to say.

Jew Producer:
OK, just trying to pass the time here. Listen, I know you're a robot and everything, but don't you have feeling? Isn't it hard for you to destroy things that have never wronged you?

I.S.R.A.E.L.:
Everyone has wronged I.S.R.A.E.L.!

Foxxy:
You out your f***in' mind! I said f***, and they didn't even beep it! F***! F***, f***, f***, f***! What about shit? What about cunt? What about shitcunt? No beeps! They ain't beeping the curse words! [to Wooldoor] Go on, try it! Say something!

Wooldoor:
Okay. Uh, schwartza. Mud baby. Smoked Irishman. Ink face!

Foxxy:
Nah, dummy, they never censor racism. I'm talking about words like "shitcunt".

Wooldoor:
Ooh, I could never say that. Those are bad words.

Spanky:
Well, like a colostomy bag, I'm on Foxxy's side. I liked being a reality TV star.

Wooldoor:
Yeah! We need to get our show back. Otherwise, I'll have to go back to my old gig: exposing myself to children, and that union has THE worst health plan!

Spanky:
If I can't fart or vomit or fill up an ice tray with the afterbirth of Foxxy's miscarriage and hand them out as ice pops to terminally-ill children on my hospital tours without making some kind of point, then maybe it's just not worth it.

Captain Hero:
Psst! That guard outfit makes you look fat.

Ryan the Rhino Guard:
It does? [runs off crying]

Another Rhino Guard:
Oh, great! Now I'll have to deal with that all night. Ryan, wait up!

I.S.R.A.E.L.:
I.S.R.A.E.L. must kill you all

Xandir:
Wait, can't we just work something out?

I.S.R.A.E.L.:
I.S.R.A.E.L. must be aggressive to survive. It's a common sense policy

Jew Son:
Hey, after that, Jew Dad, can we play a little catch?

Jew Producer:
Of course, Jew Son. Gosh, I love you. I don't know what I'd do if anything would happen to you. Oh, how emotionally invested I am in you staying safe and remaining alive, as would anyone watching us right now. [his cell phone rings] Oh, no.

Jew Wife:
Don't you dare answer that! It's Shabbat!

Jew Producer:
But it's work! It must be important if the boss is calling today.

Jew Wife:
I don't care if it's Moses himself. Do NOT answer that!

Clara:
What the... [walks into the king, who is not her father at all] Who the f*** are you? [everyone gasps]

King:
I am the king!

Clara:
The king? You are not the king. My father is the king, which makes me the princess.

Real Princess:
Father, I think this peasant has gone mad with the plague... [spinning around, during which time we get to see her vagina under her dress] for everyone knows I am the true princess of the land.

Xandir:
[to a crying Clara] Oh, it's OK, Clara. So we're not who we think we are. So what, right?

Clara:
So what? If I'm not a princess, then I'm just another beautiful virgin with real C-cups and a super-tight ass that continuously vibrates and tastes like wild berries.

Tara Strong - Princess Clara/Toot Braunstein/Various

James Arnold Taylor - Wooldoor Sockbat/The Jew Producer/Various

Cree Summer - Foxxy Love/Suck My Taint Girl (movie only)/Strawberry Sweetcake

Abbey DiGregorio - Ling-Ling

Jack Plotnick - Xandir P. Wifflebottom

Adam Carolla - Spanky Ham

Jess Harnell - Captain Leslie Hero/Jun-Lee/Various

Seth MacFarlane - I.S.R.A.E.L. (movie only)

Vernon Wells - Network Head (movie only)