ER, Season 5

Corday:
(to Lucy) Now, don't let the residents abuse you. You're here to learn, not to be their indentured servant.

Weaver (to Lucy):
So, I haven't had much of a chance to work with you today. I trust everything is going well?

Lucy:
Yes. You know, pretty well for a first day.

Weaver:
In other words, it's been completely hateful, huh?

Lucy:
Did I say the wrong thing?

Greene:
In general, it's probably not a good idea to show up the residents.

Lucy:
So, I should give the wrong answer?

Greene:
Tricky, isn't it?

Chuny:
Welcome aboard.

Lucy:
Right, Dr. Carter?

Jerry:
Please don't call him Dr. Carter. We'll never be able to live with him.

Lucy:
What should I call you?

Jerry:
He's just...Carter.

Carter:
Dr. Carter will be fine.

Weaver (to Greene):
You know, I think it's a wise move for you. Great research opportunities in EMS.

Greene:
Well, I'm actually more interested in coordinating paramedic care.

Weaver:
And for once, you and I would not be in competition. Field work was never my forte.

Greene:
You wouldn't want this job, Kerry. There's no money, no power, no glory.

Weaver:
Yeah, right. It doesn't fit into my Machiavellian scheme to rule the Emergency Department.

Romano:
I couldn't do it, work with family.

Corday:
Robert, you can't work with anyone.

Olbes (to Greene):
Hold on. Are you telling me that the EMS Medical Director is a real person?

Greene:
He's an ER doc.

Olbes:
Huh. I thought it was just a name they stuck on the top of memos.

Greene:
Not when I do it.

Greene:
You need to make a decision, Kerry. Do you want to be a doctor or an administrator? I'm going to go examine a horse.

Ross:
[after reading from Weaver's performance review of him]: That's right, Kerry. I'm a psycho.

Randi:
[Stares at Carters beard]

Carter:
What?

Randi:
You're starting to look kinda mythical.

Weaver:
I never know how to answer that question about my weaknesses.

Greene:
Yeah. Well, I could've helped you out there.

Romano:
[to Corday] You can wear the long coat; it looks better on you.

Carter:
Okay, party's over; you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here!

Lucy:
What's wrong, was the music too loud?

Carter:
No, the furniture was too on fire.

Dr. Parks:
Do you know any deaf people, Dr. Benton?

Benton:
No. No, I don't.

Dr. Parks:
Have you ever thought that being deaf might not be so terrible?

Benton:
So, you're saying there's no problem?

Dr. Parks:
You can never know what it's like to be deaf. Just like I can never know what it's like to be black.

Benton:
I don't look at me being black as a burden. That's who I am.

Dr. Parks:
And I don't look at my deafness as a burden. That's who I am. If you turn away from your son's deafness, you will be robbing him of his identity.

Benton:
My son has a medical problem. I'm not turning away from anything. I'm trying to fix it.

Amanda Lee:
If you don't mind me saying, I'm one of the baddest ER bitches out there.

Carter [to Lucy]:
Some patients get to you more than others, I know. But when you do everything that you can, sometimes even more than you thought you could, you've got to walk away knowing you fought the good fight. You fought the good fight, Lucy. Tomorrow you'll fight another one.

Weaver:
Carter! I am not your mother! Now, for the last time, get up!

Romano:
You're a resident, Peter. You don't take a piss without asking permission.

Weaver:
Jerry, next time you want to make an ass out of yourself, leave me out of it. OK?

Tony:
[answering the phone] ER. If you're sick, we'll fix you quick.

Lucy:
[about Romano] So, should I feel special or does he stare at everyone's breasts?

Corday:
No, only the females as far as I know.

[Talking about the Titanic with Lucy and Dale]

Carter:
Leonardo DiCaprio, hoop skirts, and tragic love is kinda my idea of hell on earth.

Kerry:
What about Ross?

Romano:
Take him out back and shoot him.

Kerry:
[To Jerry] Damn it, Jerry, if you don't stop watching TV, I'm gonna rip it off the wall with my bare hands and beat you to death with it.

Carter:
Oh, Chuny. Hi.

Chuny:
Hi.

Carter:
You got a minute?

Chuny:
Sure. What's up?

Carter:
Umm. Earlier, with Lucy and I. I'm sure that you have your suspicions about what we were doing in there. But, actually, we were just..

Chuny:
Knocking boots?

Carter:
What?

Chuny:
Doing the old nasty? Hey, the more the merrier, I say.

Carter:
Actually we weren't doing anything.

Chuny:
Mm-hmm.

Carter:
I mean, she's a med student, you know? I'm a..resident.

Chuny:
That stuff happens all the time.

Carter:
Lucy's like- Lucy's like a little..sister, or something, to me.

Chuny:
Ah. You do that with your little sister?

Carter:
Nothing happened! We didn't do anything! Do you - Do you hear what I'm tell - and besides, I already have a girlfriend.

Chuny:
Ahh. That insurance lady?

Carter:
She's a financial advisor.

Chuny:
Hm.

Carter:
Roxanne and I have a lot in common.

Conni:
Units are pulling up!

Chuny:
She's too pushy, you know. Always trying to sell you something. I'd stick with Lucy. You two make a cute couple.

Carter:
We are not a couple!

Kerry:
Are there seatbelts on the bus?

Mark:
No.

Kerry:
We've got airbags in every new car in America, but we're sending our kids off like lambs to the slaughter.

[When Jeanie's nose is bleeding and Peter reaches out with a tissue]

Jeanie:
Peter, don't touch me, for God's sake! I'm poison.

Corday:
Mark's just trying to be a friend in that endearing slightly-inept-male kind of way.

Corday:
I've found a way to limit my Romano exposure.

Benton:
Oh, yeah, what's that? Garlic?

Weaver [while treating a woman who gave birth in the street]:
Did they find the placenta?

Paramedic:
She said a dog ate it.

Haleh:
Oh, lord.

Carter (to Lucy):
Are you back with us?

Lucy:
No, I'm still on Psych.

Carter:
Well, you'll be back doing real medicine soon, so don't get too used to the cush life.

Lucy:
Yeah, I won't.

[Romano has just started operating when the power goes out]

Romano:
Wish I hadn't just made that incision...

Carol:
I mean, do we even pretend to be living in a democracy anymore? It's just a medieval power play between career Republicans and Democrats and who hates who more. If there were still guillotines and burning at the stake, I swear they'd be doing that too.

Carol:
I need to fax this.

Jerry:
Be my guest. Or do you want me to...?

Carol:
Oh, no thanks, it's kind of personal. I'll do it myself if that's okay.

Jerry:
Do I look like Kerry Weaver?

Romano (to Haleh):
What? You didn't think I had a mother, did you?

Haleh:
Just trying to picture her.

Carter:
(to Chuny) I keep my love life out of the work place, thank you very much.

Jerry:
Since when?

(While Carol is having an ultrasound)

Carol:
What? Mark, what?

Mark:
Heartbeat.

Carol:
Yes, Mark, Elizabeth already said that. What?

Elizabeth:
No, what he means is... there are two heartbeats.

Carol:
(shocked) Twins?!

Mark:
Elizabeth, I don't know, I don't know what's going to happen...but I do know how I feel and I feel like I've found something amazing, and I want to be here. I want to get to know you. We cannot be scared. I would hate to miss another boat. (they kiss for the first time)