Ghost Whisperer

Melinda:
[Opening narration for each Season 1 episode] My name is Melinda Gordon. I just got married. I just moved to a small town. I just opened an antique shop. I might be just like you. Except from the time I was a little girl I knew I could talk to the dead. Earthbound spirits my grandmother called them. The ones who have not crossed over because they have unfinished business with the living and they come to me for help. In order to tell you my story, I have to tell you theirs.

Michael:
[to Melinda] It's amazing how much you miss somebody you never met.

Melinda:
Did we forget to pay the light bill?

Jim:
I have a headache, and I crossed two wrong circuit wires in the basement.

Melinda:
That's why you're a paramedic and not an electrician.

Andrea:
Are you telling me that Village Java is haunted?

Melinda:
No, places aren't haunted, people are haunted.

Melinda:
Let me see, two weeks in Bermuda or Andrea's salary?

Andrea:
Honeymoons are so overrated.

Melinda:
[to Jim] We’re in a life business. Death is just a part of it.

Candace:
For the first time in my life, I hate being young.

Melinda:
Kenny, I need to go talk to your mom, so I need you to stay with Andrea.

Kenny:
The blind lady? She's weird.

Faith:
Why won't she take Clancy? She got something against the Irish?

Jim:
I'm sure she likes the Irish.

Dylan:
Hey, Andrea, I've got something for you.

[gives her a rock]

Andrea:
You shouldn't have.

Dylan:
Kenny, said it was safe.

Melinda:
And if Kenny said it was safe to jump in front of a moving truck, you'd do it too?

Jim:
Wait, didn't you say that kid Dylan was playing with him? Well, how could he see him?

Melinda:
Kids can almost always see spirits. Where do you think imaginary friends come from?

Melinda:
What are you doing here, anyways?

Kenny:
Waiting for my mommy.

Melinda:
Here?

Kenny:
She told me when I get lost I should just stay where I am and she'll find me.

Melinda:
Maybe she doesn't know where to look. It might be time to go find her.

Faith:
Relax Jim, I'm not going to haunt the girl...I just want to get to know her.

Jim:
Will wants to meet Andrea before their date.

Melinda:
Meet? Does he know we're talking about a dinner date and not a pre-nuptial agreement.

Will:
Have you ever heard of a antique related emergency?

Andrea:
Um, uh, no.

Zoe:
We slept together while my sister slept in the other room. I was drunk and feeling sorry for myself, I don't know what his excuse was.

Barbara Harper:
You run an antique shop in Grandview, isn't that right?

Melinda:
Yes.

Barbara Harper:
And you're an amateur psychiatrist in your off hours?

Zoe:
I'm dead, Natalie's stuck in a nut house, and he's off to keggers, to score with sorority chicks.

Melinda's Grandma:
Do you have any idea how many people I've helped cross over? I'm beginning to feel like a travel agent who's never been on a plane.

Zoe:
[to Melinda] I guess if you let on you can see me, the good doctor would lock you up too.

Zoe:
[to Melinda] My sister needs me, she's barely half a person without me. As long as she's in this nut-house, I'm not crossing my legs, never mind crossing over.

Zoe:
Is that light out there for me?

Melinda:
You're the only one who can see it.

Cliff:
Was that a date?

Melinda:
Did it feel like a date?

Cliff:
Well, she left before dinner arrived, so, roughly, I'd say yes.

Melinda:
What's it like to have a second chance?

Cliff:
I'm still wondering what happened to the first chance.

Cliff:
[(to his rehab group] I always felt I had one foot in the grave and the other one on a banana peel. [silence from the group] Wow! Tough room.

Nurse:
Are you family?

Melinda:
Well, in the family of man, yeah, I guess.

Melinda:
Sorry we woke you. This one is having boundary issues.

Jim:
Don't they all.

Melinda:
[to Cliff] Why did you take the heart? To avoid death or to choose life?

Melinda:
[after Nurse Ghost helps Melinda gain access to the donor records] Can I do anything for you?

Nurse Ghost:
Raincheck.

Melinda:
You said there was one more thing you needed to do.

Connor:
It might seem kind of morbid.

Melinda:
Hello...I'm talking to a dead person.

Melinda:
You're not really here.

Connor:
Semantics.

Mr. Abrams:
Like I said it gets spooky around here.

Tobias Northrop:
[about Rat] He hated his name, loved his nickname.

Jim:
[seeing a bouncing ball on their stairs] Umm, do you want to explain this?

Melinda:
Tomorrow.

Melinda:
I just figured it out. It's not me not liking Lou. I don't like who you are around him.

Jim:
I feel like I'm living in a John Carpenter film.

Andrea:
I'm listening to you. I'm just not paying attention.

Melinda:
[about a baby in an incubator] So much sorrow for such a young life. I think what you're doing is great.

Angel:
It's a calling, like yours. You're helping someone who's adopted?

Melinda:
He wants to find his mother. I'm hoping the hospital records will have her name, maybe an old address.

Angel:
Tricky business. Although from what I've learned over the years you can always count on the courts to have adoption records on file. Although getting to see them is another matter.

[Monitor goes flat and the Angel smiles gently.]

Angel:
Time for us to go.

Diane:
I'm not going to try to protect him anymore.

Melinda:
Protect him from what?

Diane:
From his birth mother, she's not the angel he thinks she is.

Melinda:
I have to tell a woman the baby she gave away eighteen years ago is dead, and then I have to tell her he wants to meet her. It's not the type of conversation you want to have over the phone.

Jim:
Or in person.

Sybil:
What's it like being dead?

Jason:
Kind of like being a freshman all over again.

Melinda:
We have company downstairs.

Jim:
Living or dead?

Melinda:
One of each.

Andrea:
Either I have a fever or I'm seeing ghosts now too.

Jason:
What if she doesn't remember me?

Melinda:
I've never given birth but from what I've heard it's not something you forget.

Jason:
[to Melinda] Waiting in line is worse than being dead.

Melinda:
[looking at babies in the hospital nursery] Someday we'll have one of our own.

Jim:
Four or five.

Melinda:
Ouch! We'll definitely need a bigger house.

Melinda:
I learned a long time ago, don't question the cosmic law of French toast.

Jim:
The what?

Melinda:
I represent a patient of yours.

Nurse Derek Lee:
As in discharge?

Melinda:
As in dearly departed.

Nurse Derek Lee:
[about the morgue] They say this place is haunted.

Melinda:
I've got news for you, they're right.

Jim:
Are we the puppet masters or are we the puppets?

Jim:
Where were you?

Melinda:
Oh...I um...

Jim:
I figured a hospital that you must be in hog heaven.

Melinda:
It's not all it's cracked up to be.

Andrea:
[to Melinda, about Jim] Sexy, sensitive and indestructable. I've got to get me a man like that.

Hope:
Nobody can see me except for you.

Melinda:
It's a gift I have. Can I tell you , you're a little pushy.

Hope:
If you were in my position you would be too.

Jim:
Am I dead?

Melinda:
No.

Jim:
You never know with you?

Melinda:
Brad, you should read her note I found it in her charts.

Brad:
I can't, you read it.

Melinda:
Brad, I know you feel like this is your fault, but I want you to know that I don't blame you, you've always taken better care of me than I have myself from the day I first laid...

[Overlapping voice of Melinda and Hope]

Melinda and Hope:
Eyes on you in detention and that hasn't changed today...

[Completely fades into Hopes voice]

Hope:
I've never felt more in love with you then when I watched you all worried and sweaty and careworn running beside the gurney when they wheeled me in here so please, please don't wallow. Oh, and if I'm not awake when you get back, don't forget to feed Daisy and walk her, see you tomorrow, I love you.

Melinda:
Hope.

Brad:
Wow, I guess we're even.

[Brad gets up and leaves]

Hope:
Thank you.

[Hope gets up and walks off with Brad until she fades into the light]

Alexis:
I'm so glad Andrea talked you into having lunch with me today.

Melinda:
Actually, Andrea told me not to come.

Melinda:
I can see you and you don't scare me. What do you want with my husband?

Julian:
It's not your husband I want, its you.

Rachel:
What has the son of a bitch done now?

Melinda:
He hasn't done anything except die.

Rachel:
Well. I figured it would happen sooner or later. Looks like it's sooner.

Andrea:
Please, we saw The Ring together, you stayed under your seat.

Julian:
[to his son] Find the parents of the man I killed. Don't tell them who you are. Befriend them. Do good things for them. Make their lives easier. Make a difference.

Melinda:
Do you want us to go?

Andrea:
What's a malevolent spirit or two between friends?

Jim:
I don't get it. Why does a ghost dog need to go for walks?

Melinda:
If I could answer that I could cross him over.

Jim:
Here's what I think. If we take the ball, throw it far enough, he will keep going, until he reaches the light. Right?

Melinda:
[After seeing a ghost flying in after Todd] Todd's not the only one moving in in the night.

Jim:
See anything?

Melinda:
Nope, just Todd.

Jim:
Ah, maybe he (the ghost) likes to sleep in.

Melinda:
[To Jim] There's a ghost living across the street. You can pretend he's not there, I can't.

Andrea:
Melinda, you saw the guy bury plastic bags!

Melinda:
Yeah, it would be pretty stupid to bury evidence in your backyard, wouldn't it?

Andrea:
Well, we can test his IQ after we call the police.

Andrea:
Do you have to suffer to be an artist?

Melinda:
No, I think it just gives you an edge over the competition.

[Jim and Melinda hug]

Andrea:
Could you cut it out? I gotta go home to an empty apartment.

Andrea:
Maybe I should just start fainting in front of firehouses.

Melinda:
Are you kidding me? They would knock each other down to get to you! Paramedics, cops, Boy Scouts...

Beth:
I'm not scared of ghosts, if that's what you mean. I don't even know why you said that to me.

Melinda:
I didn't say it.

Beth:
Yes you did, yesterday.

Melinda:
No, mom, I didn't say that...Sarah said it. You saw her. You saw Sarah.

Beth:
No.

Melinda:
Yes you did.

Beth:
Stop it, Melinda. I didn't see her...I heard her.

Melinda:
Can you see them?

Beth:
No. I don't know. Sometimes, maybe. I hate it, makes me feel like I'm crazy.

Melinda:
Makes you feel crazy? Think about how I've been feeling this whole time, I was lied to by the one person that I'm supposed to trust the most.

Andrea:
Water takes 5 minutes to get hot, does that count?

Melinda:
5 minutes? You are so lucky!

Melinda:
No, these things are almost never random, and if this place wasn't haunted to begin with, it means you probably brought something home with you.

Andrea:
Great. Take-out ghost.

Melinda:
Don't worry, we'll get through this. Do you have any more ice-cream?

Melinda:
I liked your hair in college.

Andrea:
Right, I would rather be chased by the haunted hiking boots than look like that again!

Andrea:
You guys are too good to me.

Melinda:
That's what couches are for.

Andrea:
Mmm...is there going to be a chocolate on my pillow?

Melinda:
Not unless the cat throws it up! If anything happens, you just yell. You might want to sleep with the light on.

Andrea:
Are you kidding me? I'd arrange stadium lighting if I could!

Melinda:
You know, in life, do you feel like we've done enough?

Jim:
Ask me in forty years. Well, if I can still hear you then.

Andrea:
Oh God, do we really have to do this?

Melinda:
No, we could just let him haunt you. For the rest of your life.

Melinda:
He wants you to know that he had a crush on you too.

Andrea:
Great, Mel. That's another one that got away.

Melinda:
Jim!

Jim:
Well, I was just trying to memorize the placement of all the furniture in the room, I'm awake!

[The baby wakes up]

Jim:
Uh oh.

Melinda:
What's wrong?

Jim:
Nothing, she woke up, I just got slimed.

Melinda:
I am cooking for you tonight, and you are not helping me in any way.

Jim:
I'm backing away from the grocery bags.

Melinda:
You all need to cross over.

Romano:
Oh really? I beg to differ, you can all stay right here!

Melinda:
Yes, you can, but you shouldn't. There's nothing here for you anymore.

Romano:
That's a lie! Your families are here, your friends, your homes. No one knows what's on the other side, why take that chance?

Melinda:
You were all meant to move on, that's why you died.

Romano:
You died because the plane crashed.

Melinda:
The right thing to do is to cross over.

Romano:
The right thing? How many of you have done the right thing? You, you're wife is dying, isn't she? You didn't take this job because you needed the hours, you took this job because you hated to see her sick, to see her suffer, because you just needed to get away. Don't feel so bad, I've done terrible things too, things you can't even imagine...just look around you. All in a days work for me. What if the only thing that's waiting for you on the other side of that light is judgement and punishment?

Melinda:
What's waiting there is peace and forgiveness.

Romano:
Really? Have you been?

Melinda:
No, but I know it's true.

Melinda:
Wait a minute. No. Wait a minute! I have devoted my life to this! My grandmother devoted her life to this! I have crossed over hundreds of souls and now maybe, I don't know what's behind the light but I have seen the faces of the people that I've crossed over. I've seen there eyes and their smiles. I've seen them weep for joy. I've felt their peace. You just have to have a little faith, it's that simple. You're not alone and all of this was meant to be and the only thing I know for sure is that there is love there, love like you have never known here and you can't just turn away from that.

• Andrea:
Just once I wish one of those ghosts fooling around here buy someting. • Jim: Since you put meat and fish and pineapple on a pizza it’s not pizza anymore. Actually you’re insulting pizza. • Andrea: I’m sorry. Are you ok?

• Andrea:
Wait a minute. You’re planning on cooking?

• Melinda:
Wow! That’s realy good! I can’t believe I made it by myself.

Andrea:
I am woman. Hear me roar.

Andrea:
And, uh, which of us has actually been making a living today?

Jim:
Me? I'll be happy to have a whole brood of baby ghost busters.