Jane and the Dragon

Jester:
Nervous!

[Jane knocks Jester onto the ground]

Jester:
Jester down! Just needing attention!

Jane:
You mean an audience?

Rake:
Are you nervous, Jane?

Jane:
Pepper have taught me these breathing exercises.

Rake:
Like Dragon blowing fire.

[Jane breathes in and out]

Rake:
Not much of a cinder.

King:
[to the Princess] Goodnight, my loose tooth.

Dragon:
They have to put a big crown under my pillow.

Jane:
You sleep on a pillow?

Dragon:
Pillow, boulder.

Princess:
Tooth, I command you to come out right now!

Dragon:
Some duel. No killing, no clobbering, not even any crying.

Jane:
I am trying to save you.

Jester:
And I am trying to sleep. [slams the window]

Dragon:
Hunger before honor, Jane.

Rake:
Oh Dragon! Hi... I... I was just out... umm... taking my stew... for a walk.

Dragon:
A perfect five-point landing.

Dragon:
Say one more word and that life will be charcoal.

Gunther:
If you want to help, help by being somewhere else.

Jane:
I am so stubborn.

Dragon:
Leave my friend alone.

Jane:
We are alone.

Dragon:
"Moo" is natures finest sound, starts with a "mmmmmm", ends with an "ooooooo".

King:
No crown, no duties.

Sir Ivon:
And no day off for me.

Jane:
Then she wasn't in danger when she was up on the roof?

Sir Ivon:
Up on the roof?

Jane:
Why did the cow jump over the moon?

Dragon:
Don't know.

Jane:
Farmer had cold hands.

Smithy:
Pig hasn't hurt a fly!

Jane:
Well the prince is not a fly.

Dragon:
Tomorrow they will be screaming for me.

Jane:
Screaming and running for their lives.

Pepper:
[after Dragon roasted the potatoes] The king wanted them mashed.

Dragon:
I can sit on them.

Pepper:
No, thank you.

Jester:
So anyway what do you call a creature with two large wings and one tiny brain? Besides "Dragon", that is.

[Pepper, Smithy, and Rake look in fear as they notice Dragon standing behind Jester]

Jester:
[turning to see Dragon] Oh! Dragon! Hello!

Dragon:
What do you call a creature with large teeth and a tiny temper?

Jester:
Uhh... uhh... I call him as little as possible.

Dragon:
Do you mind? I was flying through perfectly lovely dream clouds, when suddenly, click click click, they turned into clog-dancing cows.

Dragon:
No more sweet dreams, Jane. My nights will be haunted by visions of you hitting the ground like an egg.

Jane:
Oh please.

Dragon:
An egg, Jane. Crack. Squish.

Jane:
Yes. Enough. I get the picture.

Jester:
It seems that Jane is not herself.

Dragon:
Then who is she?

Princess Lavinia:
Lady Jane, Daddy is the King. And I am his little princess. And you are my bestest friend in the whole castle. And the bravest knight in the kingdom.

Jane:
Brave? Me?

Princess Lavinia:
Oh yes. But mostly you like to brush my hair. Shall I get the brush?

Smithy:
Jane?

Jane:
The dragon lunged at me with his claws. Lunged!

Smithy:
Dragon did?

Jane:
No, but he might have. Horrible creature.

Princess Lavinia:
Did Dragon try to eat you, Jane? Eat you up and crunch you? And spit out all your bones?

Jane:
Not yet, but I think he plans to.

Dragon:
When a dragon sneezes, fire follows. The good news is... I fried my pumpkin.

Jane:
Dragon, you have to go.

Dragon:
Go?

Jane:
Order of the King. You must stay away from the castle until this sneezing is under control.

Dragon:
How very unreasonable.

Jane:
You started a forest fire!

Dragon:
Forest? Burned a few leaves. Grass. That wagon was not much to look at anyway.

Dragon:
Wolves--I thought it was my stomach rumbling in pain!

Jane:
I must consult the brightess minds.

Dragon:
At your service, put a sack over your head!

Jester:
Now how many carrots does Jane have to eat before she grow scales?

Jane:
You will bring the ceiling down!

Dragon:
A very pressing problem!

Dragon:
What are you doing?

Jane:
[holding up a cup] Toasting them.

Dragon:
[after breathing fire] No, that's toasting!

Jester:
Dragon!

Jane:
I lose all track of time when I'm with Dragon.

Rake:
As I do in my garden.

Pepper:
And me when I am cooking.

Jester:
Being funny does it for me. Unless no one laughs, then time stretches on forever.

Dragon:
How do we get this secret out of Jane?

Jester:
Dragon, how can you be so thick?

Dragon:
37 square meals a day.

Gunther:
Sir Theodore, you look in fine fettle today.

Dragon:
Fettle. Funny word that.