Jersey Shore, Season 2

Vinny:
My uncles want me to just come here and bang everything, but I kinda want better quality girls.

Snooki:
I don't go tanning anymore because Obama put a 10% tax on tanning. I feel like he did that intentionally for us, like McCain would never put a 10% tax on tanning... because he is pale and he would probably wanna be tanned.

Emilio Antonio:
How many meatballs do you want?

Snooki:
I want two...in my face.

Pauly D:
[about the cold rain in Rhode Island] Can't stand this weather. Ya can't get tanned in this weather, ya can't creep in this weather, you can't do anything… girls don't come out in this weather, they stay in the house.

Mike "The Situation":
Ronnie's at the club, hooking up with Grenades - that is a bigger, ugly chick - and also Landmines - which is a thin, ugly chick - and um, lovin' life.

Snooki:
I feel like a pilgrim from the frickin 20's!!!

Mike "The Situation":
We have an abundance of wife beaters...and we wear them before we go out, before it's T-shirt time. Right before we go out, we take off the tank and then we put on our fresh shirt.

Mike "The Situation":
Can I place an order?

Delivery guy:
What's the name?

Mike "The Situation":
Situation.

Delivery guy:
Name?

Mike "The Situation":
Yeah. Situation. S-i-t-u-a-t-i-o-n.

Delivery guy:
Whatever man, what's your order?

Snooki:
[after knocking the marinating chicken onto the floor] My first thought was, I don't wanna clean this up. My second thought was, I just f***ed up dinner. My third thought was, what the f*** am I gonna eat?

Pauly D:
My boss seems to think that my hair is gonna fall off and go into the ice cream. This hair ain't movin' my dude. 150 mph on the highway on a street bike...it doesn't move! What makes you think it's gonna move in a gelato shop?

Angelina:
It's not like anybody's gonna be my friend after this anyway.

Pauly D:
That's true.

Snooki:
It hurts my vagina.

Mike "The Situation":
OK, come down.

Snooki:
No no, I like it!

Snooki:
[behind the counter] I can't see any ice creams, I can't see any customers, 'cause I'm a f***in' Smurf.

Vinny:
You look hot. You just took my breath away.

Snooki:
You tryin' to smush right now?

Snooki:
Wanna f***?

Vinny:
Sure.

Vinny:
Jenni's tits definitely defy gravity. I think Albert Einstein should come back and rewrite his laws of physics and work it around Jenni's tits.

Ronnie:
Right away I know it's either Snooki or Jenni, but then I read the letter and I see the word "wisely," and I know Snooki doesn't use that kinda vocabulary.

Mike "The Situation":
[to Angelina] Clean the house, you dirty mess...Please hit the f--kin' treadmill! You know what, don't even hit the treadmill, hit the elliptical, it's better for you.

Snooki:
Do you know what gay guys do? They're not attracted to vagina, they're attracted to asshole.

Snooki:
Jen, you're f***in' retarded for agreeing with Angelina, and Angelina, shut the f*** up, cuz who are you?

Pauly D:
We noticed beached whales at the beach...oh no, I'm sorry, it was Angelina and her friend Gina.

Mike "The Situation":
If you don't go to the gym, you don't look good, if you don't tan, you're pale, and if you don't do laundry, you ain't got no clothes!

Pauly D:
Rocio seems mad cool, she's definitely not a ho, she's definitely not a stalker...she's cool.

Snooki:
Angelina got it in with Vinny 'cause she's a loosey-goose, and then she had sex with Jose the next day...WHORE...just sayin'.

Mike "The Situation":
Everybody loves a guy who gets girls...and then everybody doesn't like a girl that is a ho...and it's Angelina.

Vinny:
My v-neck is so fresh that I skip t-shirt time, like it defied the rules of t-shirt time.

Mike "The Situation":
To call me fake, it's just blasphemy to talk against the leader like that, in other countries you get hung for that type of shit.

Ronnie:
Standing in one corner, 4 foot 9, 2 inches with the poof, 'Snooki' Polizzi... standing in the other corner at 322 lbs, the Staten Island Dump!

Snooki:
What I would love to find is a guido, juicehead with my style who's not a cheater 'cause I'm not gonna go on Match.com again.

Pauly D:
This guy definitely wrote down a fake number 'cause who the hell would want Angelina to call them after that?

Vinny:
When there's a good girl out there, say no to whores.