Kitchen Nightmares, Season 6

Gordon:
How sad is that? Honestly, come on. How...(bleep)...depressing...is that? It's like the map of America. [points around the pork chop] Start on the East Coast. There's California, where that little dark spot is. Come to central, Midwest. Then we have Seattle. We're here. [points] Pittsburgh. God bless America. [swats at a fly] (Bleep) off, fly.

Narrator:
After Chef Ramsay discovered rotten chicken...

Gordon:
Look at how slimy it is!

Narrator:
...and moldy sauce...

Gordon:
You disgusting pigs.

Narrator:
...Dino and Gina blame the shut down of the restaurant on...

Dino:
(to the customers) Chef Ramsay has shut us down.

Gordon:
Dino, you're telling them that I'm shutting it down.

Narrator:
And now, Chef Ramsay is determined to give a more accurate description.

Gordon:
(walks out to the dining room) Ladies and gentlemen, may I just have your attention for 30 seconds? First of all, my apologies, but I'm not going to BS anybody. I am not shutting this restaurant down, I am stopping the owners from serving this disgusting mess! From chicken that's already slimed, off, gone, to basil that was never fresh, to a tomato sauce that's actually caked in mold. I am not going to sit here and blame party for that.

Dino:
Oh my god. I'm embarrassed.

Gordon:
And whilst I'm totally appreciative of you for leaving your homes and coming tonight for dinner, I've got too much respect for you and too much respect for the industry. I am not going to be part of this any longer. My sincere apologies. (walks to the door and bumps into it, not realizing it's a pull door) (Bleep) door!

Jamal:
You guys didn't cook the gyro right. Rubbery as it was.

Emad:
Shut the (bleep) up! You're stupid!

Gordon:
It looks anaemic, the colour's dreadful, and it tastes just like bland, boiled lamb.

Gordon:
(to Leina) Do me a favour, send that back to (bleep) New Zealand.

Leina:
Okay.

Gordon:
(overhearing Jamal, Emad, and Samer arguing) What's going on there?

Leina:
They've been arguing, because he's (Jamal) telling him (Emad) that he doesn't know how to cook.

Emad:
Idiot, dude. Just go back to the front.

Jamal:
Horrible. Horrible.

Emad:
Who cares about his opinion?

Leina:
He says that the lamb, it just tasted like it was boiled in water. And he said, "Send this back to New Zealand."

Sam:
(testimonial) He tried it and he said, "There is no flavor in it!" But I believed myself I make the best lamb shank here in California. (back at the kitchen) I don't really know what to do. (waves a pan at Emad as if wanting to hit him with it)

Jamal:
What were you doing again? Oh, yeah. Cook your food wrong.

Wesam:
Nobody's talking to you! Stay back there!

Gordon:
Before I start talking about the dishes, what was the fighting going on there?

Wesam:
He just like to come back and argue pretty much about nothing.

Jamal:
Actually, when we get a complaint, I tell them what's going on, and they can't take criticism.

Samer:
No, that's not it.

Jamal:
Let me talk!

Samer:
You're making it seem that you're better than everything!

Jamal:
(to Samer) So why are you still talking when I'm talking!? (to Gordon) If I come back there and let them know, "Hey, this is dry", "Hey, the hummus is messed up"--

Wesam:
No, we really accept that. But the fact that you come over there and, "Hey, you guys can't cook. You guys are (bleep)"--

Jamal:
I didn't say that!

Joe:
We do things with passion, with integrity... the food here at the Bistro is the freshest, hands down.

Joe:
[starts making an elk quesadilla] Do you want to see how we make this crap?

Gordon:
I haven't got the appetite Joe.

Joe:
I know because you wouldn't come over here and say "Don't get it that crispy." or "Don't do that with it."

Gordon:
What the fuck are you on? What the fuck are you on? I won't come over here saying "Get that a bit crispy." An elk quesadilla that you want confirmation that it's a (bleep) good dish? When are you going to pull your head out of your (bleep)?! For a man who stands there and boasts at his (bleep) farm and his goats and you want me to talk about this?! Seriously?! Wake up Joe! You're joking aren't you?

Joe:
We're making these two these. You know what I'm saying? I know you don't like the dish.

Gordon:
It's disgusting Joe!

Joe:
So you wouldn't give me any input on it?

Gordon:
Get rid of it!

Joe:
You want me to get rid of it right (bleep) now?!

Gordon:
I would! I would!

Joe:
You're in a (bleep)! We don't have it!

Gordon:
Oh here we go! Here we go!

Joe:
We don't have it!

Gordon:
Here we (bleep) go!

Joe:
Make yourself clear.

Gordon:
Stop asking such ridiculous questions! "Come over here and tell me it's crispy."! ARE YOU THAT STUPID?!!

Joe:
Don't fucking serve the thing right?

Gordon:
WHO'S RESTAURANT IS IT?!!

Joe:
It's my fucking restaurant!

Gordon:
THEN ASK!! WHO'S RESPONSIBLE?!!

Joe:
I'm asking for fucking help!

Gordon:
THEN WAKE UP!!!

Joe:
YOU WAKE UP!!

Gordon:
IDIOT!!

Joe:
fucking come in here and help me instead of running your jaw!!

Gordon:
YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN BE IN THE KITCHEN! GET OUT!! GET OUT!! (to Tom) Let's finish it. Finish it. (to Joe) FUCK OFF THEN!!

Joe:
(Bleep) off!

Gordon:
(throws the quesadillas on the floor) Yeah, and take that shit with you! That's right, we're stopping an elk quesadilla! Breaking news in Mexico!

Joe:
That's not what I'm asking!

Gordon:
GET OUT!!! Now we got rid of the (bleep) problem. Unbelievable. Un(bleep)real.

Rishi:
I thought it would be a good idea to open a restaurant.

Gordon:
Were you intoxicated at the time?

Gordon:
Belly dance? That was a belly flop.

Gordon:
I can't help people... that can't help themselves... that cannot ever take one ounce of criticism. And if you're not willing to change, I'm not going to butt heads, argue, scream, whatever you want to say. But, this is not normal. And it's not normal for a restaurant to go through that many staff. It's not normal for a kitchen that small to have 65 items on the menu. And it's not normal for the level of animosity that you built inside this restaurant and outside. You have the right to run the business the way you want to run your business. I have the right to do the right thing. And the right thing for me... is to get out of here. Good luck.

[Gordon leaves via the restaurant's front door]

Samy:
This is what you wanted?

Amy:
Yeah, of course this is what I want. I'm not participating in this (bleep), give me a break! (points to her microphone) Take this thing off me. (interview) We don't need his help! Maybe he knows that.

[the production crew is shown dismantling the camera and lighting equipment]

Crew member:
It all has to come down.

Amy:
(interview) Now he's gone, he walked away. He'll go on with his life, and Samy and I will go on with our life.

Gordon:
Well, it's finally happened. After almost a hundred Kitchen Nightmares, I met two owners who I could not help. It wasn't because I didn't want to, it was because they are incapable of listening. And in a short period of time, they've managed to piss off the community and go through over a hundred employees in one year. Samy and Amy continued to blame everyone else, yet their biggest problem is themselves. And I know whatever changes I would've made, they were never going to stick with them and that's why I've decided to do something I've never done before. It's such a shame.

[Gordon walks to and enters his car, starts the engine, and drives off]

[Gordon has been served a pork chop so dry that he sets it upright on the plate]

[Showing Marc and sous chef Chris the freezer and what he found in there]

Gordon:
Look. [Showing bag of pork belly that's raw]

Chris:
Oh what, that is pork fat.

Gordon:
Just hold that two seconds; that's next to this: [Pulls out container of chicken wings not frozen] (Bleep) wings, and the top is soaking wet because it's (Bleep) full of condensation! And this! [Pulls container out] Who grabs that out there and doesn't think about changing the bowl. Who could be that dirty? Chili?

Chris:
Chili.

Gordon:
(Bleep) around the outside. LOOK AT THE MESS OF THIS PLACE! It's (Bleep) ridiculous! SOMEONE (Bleep) MAN UP! [Stares at Chris who is petrified] Young man, you are running a business! Whole wings, next to the (Bleep) raw pork? You'll kill everybody!

Jamal:
You guys can't do your job right!

Emad:
Why don't you shut the (bleep) up!?

Sam:
Hey!

Emad:
What!?

Sam:
I don't want to hear any shouting in the kitchen!

Emad:
Why don't you tell him to shut up?

Sam:
Yeah. You too.

Jamal:
You shouldn't be giving out garbage food. Are you serious?

Samer:
You take over!

Emad:
Why don't you take over!?

Jamal:
I should!

Emad:
Then do it!

Jamal:
If you don't want it, then get out!

Emad:
Do it!

Jamal:
If you don't want it, then get out!

Emad:
You're stupid!

Leina:
Chef Ramsay wants to see everybody, outside.

Leina:
Okay, okay!

Sam:
That's what I have everyday.

Gordon:
And these are... little carrots?

Joe:
Micro-carrots.

Gordon:
Micro-carrots? From...

Joe:
From a local farm.

Gordon:
Do you not think you should let it grow a bit?

Joe:
Well, I don't think they're there to be really eaten, they're for garnish.

Gordon:
Okay.

Joe:
It's a garnish. It's to add some color.

Gordon:
Oh.

Joe:
But I would like to explain what we're spending on micro-carrots.

Gordon:
Yeah. Can we go through this after?

Joe:
Whatever you want to do. You are here as our guest.

Gordon:
[unconvinced] Right. Can I give those back to you? [starts to hand the carrots back to Amy] Joe? [changes his mind and hands them to Joe]

Joe:
I don't personally want them, myself. [To Amy] You can take them back to the kitchen.

Joe:
[interview] I have staff here that'll take care of that. You don't hand me raw food in MY dining room. We don't need him to bust our balls over if there's little petite carrots that go there. Those same carrots go to the White House. Those same carrots go to the Five Seasons. They go global, OK?

Teresa:
I took some pictures. This is the stuff that was here. That's meat in a baggie.

Gordon:
What's it doing in a bag?

Teresa:
Blood. It's to be served.

Gordon:
To be served?

Teresa:
[showing a picture of gnarly, misshapen vegetables] That's the chef garden vegetables.

Gordon:
Wow.

Teresa:
That's the black-grilled pork chops. [showing a package of pork chops that clearly came from a store]

Gordon:
My God! What is with this guy? He preaches "farm-to-table". All I've seen is "frozen-to-table".

Teresa:
The steaks he buys... he goes to a store. He buys the tenderloins and stuff, and he cuts them up.

Gordon:
Why's he pretending? Why's he playing at it? Why's he kidding himself, and trying to pull the wool over the customers' eyes?

Teresa:
He's just... he's a cheapskate. He wants to make money.

Gordon:
And the locals in this area... he thinks are--

Teresa:
He calls them hillbillies.

Gordon:
Seriously? [shakes his head] Dreadful.

Joe:
[starts making an elk quesadilla] Do you want to see how we make this crap?

Gordon:
I haven't got the appetite Joe.

Joe:
I know because you wouldn't come over here and say "Don't get it that crispy." or "Don't do that with it."

Gordon:
What the (bleep) are you on? What the (bleep) are you on? I won't come over here saying "Get that a bit crispy." An elk quesadilla that you want confirmation that it's a (bleep) good dish? When are you going to pull your head out of your (bleep)?! For a man who stands there and boasts at his (bleep) farm and his goats and you want me to talk about this?! Seriously?! Wake up Joe! You're joking aren't you?

Joe:
We're making these two these. You know what I'm saying? I know you don't like the dish.

Gordon:
It's disgusting Joe!

Joe:
So you wouldn't give me any input on it?

Gordon:
Get rid of it!

Joe:
You want me to get rid of it right (bleep) now?!

Gordon:
I would! I would!

Joe:
You're in a (bleep)! We don't have it!

Gordon:
Oh here we go! Here we go!

Joe:
We don't have it!

Gordon:
Here we (bleep) go!

Joe:
Make yourself clear.

Gordon:
Stop asking such ridiculous questions! "Come over here and tell me it's crispy."! ARE YOU THAT STUPID?!!

Joe:
Don't (bleep) serve the thing right?

Gordon:
WHO'S RESTAURANT IS IT?!!

Joe:
It's my (bleep) restaurant!

Gordon:
THEN ASK!! WHO'S RESPONSIBLE?!!

Joe:
I'm asking for (bleep) help!

Gordon:
THEN WAKE UP!!!

Joe:
YOU WAKE UP!!

Gordon:
IDIOT!!

Joe:
(Bleep) come in here and help me instead of running your jaw!!

Gordon:
YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN BE IN THE KITCHEN! GET OUT!! GET OUT!! (to Tom) Let's finish it. Finish it. (to Joe) (Bleep) OFF THEN!!

Joe:
(Bleep) off!

Gordon:
(throws the quesadillas on the floor) Yeah, and take that (bleep) with you! That's right, we're stopping an elk quesadilla! Breaking news in Mexico!

Joe:
That's not what I'm asking!

Gordon:
GET OUT!!! Now we got rid of the (bleep) problem. Unbelievable. Un(bleep)real.

Gordon:
Greasy as anything. It's a huge ball of grease. I love moussaka, but that is miles off. Moussaka? Mou-suck.

Gordon:
Looks like Chappy took a crappy in my gumbo.

[Gordon catches with Samy pocketing the tips]

Gordon:
Wow. Ten-dollar tip?

Samy:
Yeah.

Gordon:
Nice. For you?

Samy:
Of course, yeah. Why not?

Gordon:
Don't you think the girl deserves some tips tonight?

Samy:
No. They get paid hourly.

Gordon:
And so, did you think that if I went and asked every customer that when they leave a tip, it goes straight to the owner and not to the server, do you think they'd be astounded? Let me ask that table there. (to the customers at the table) Sir, the tip that you left to the young lady server, the owner takes the tips.

Customers:
That's horrible!

Samy:
No, no, no, no!

Gordon:
DON'T (bleep) WITH ME!

Samy:
Yeah, I will (bleep) with you! Who the (bleep) do you think you are!?

Amy:
Oh, my god. Samy's going to hurt him.

Gordon:
I'm fed up. I'm getting sick and tired of your (bleep).

Samy:
Don't speak with me like a villain.

Gordon:
Why not (bleep) answer my question? Then (bleep) answer my question.

Samy:
I am the gangster, not you.

Gordon:
Tell the customers they're going to get their tips.

Samy:
No, they don't!

Gordon:
They should be told that you're taking them, because these servers deserve them.

Samy:
You want to speak with me?

Gordon:
Yeah, I want to speak with you.

Samy:
You want to (bleep) with me? I will (bleep) with you.

Gordon:
Then, I will (bleep) with you.

Samy:
I will (bleep) with you.

Leina:
Okay, okay!

Sam:
That's what I have everyday.

Gordon:
Can I start talking about my lunch? The "combo plate": eggplants, out of the can; hummus, bland; falafel, bland. Sam, you recommended lamb shank, but the bones were disintegrating. When the bones start disintegrating, that's three hours over-cooked.

Sam:
I don't know what to tell you.

Gordon:
Have you given up?

Sam:
Not yet.

Gordon:
Top sirloin: it was miles away from medium rare.

Jamal:
Umm! (condescendingly points lips at Emad)

Emad:
What are you "umm"-ing about? Shut up!

Jamal:
Okay, no, no.

Emad:
I have nothing to do about --

Leina:
Okay, okay.

Gordon:
What's wrong?

Emad:
He's (points at Jamal) making a scene like it's all my fault. He said, "Umm, umm" (mimics Jamal's condescension) like I'm doing something wrong.

Jamal:
Yeah, who's been messing up all day before you walked in? So you know who's here, can't you just, like, step up?

Emad:
You should have stepped up!

Jamal:
I'm telling you guys what's wrong --

Randah:
Okay. He (Jamal) wasn't in that position that day, so stop putting the blame on him. You guys (points at Emad, Wesam, and Samer) were cooking.

Jamal:
Who cooked his (Ramsay's) food?

Wesam:
You were criticizing us all day!

Randah:
Even if he was criticizing, you guys cooked the food!

Jamal:
You guys were giving messed-up food. That's what happened, right? Then try it! Then tell me what you think.

Gordon:
I've never seen anything like this. (to Emad) Have you given up?

Emad:
(nods) Kind of.

Gordon:
"Kind of." Do you care?

Emad:
Not really.

Gordon:
It shows you don't care.

Michael:
Just like last night, he went up to every table and said, "Hello, my name's Ninoooo!"

Gordon:
You are in denial!

Nino:
No! I'm not!

Gordon:
Bullshitting me and blowing smoke up my ass, telling me you work eight hours a day cleaning, telling me the food is great, people love it. I am shitting myself. The chef--

Nino:
Well, then you need to wear diapers. (Gordon looks askance at him) You shouldn't be shittin' on yourself.

Gordon:
Are you okay?

Nino:
Yeah, I'm fine.

Gordon:
Or are you just trying to act like a fuckin' idiot to make yourself sound better?

Nino:
No, I'm not a fuckin' idiot.

Gordon:
Then stop sounding like one.

Nino:
You sound like a fuckin' idiot yourself.

Gordon:
I sound like an idiot?

Nino:
You used the word "fuckin", so I brought it back to you. I think that's... kinda gross.

Corinna:
(stepping in) Nino, we need to calm down.

Gordon:
Unbelievable. Now, I know the problem in this restaurant. I'm staring at it.

Nino:
Yeah. And I'm staring at it as well.

Michael:
(interview) To be honest, I don't know what's in Nino's head.

Gordon:
Are we done?

Michael:
(interview) It's almost like he's completely mentally unstable.

Gordon:
Joe, I get upset when I see fakery from a frozen ravioli, a frozen perch, frozen oysters. And when you deny it, that makes me mad.

Joe:
Well, let's talk about that.

Gordon:
Yeah, because you're making up stories.

Joe:
I'm not making up stories.

Gordon:
Yes, you are. That's how fucking deluded you are.

Joe:
No, I'm not deluded. We have fresh stuff, okay?

Gordon:
I'm struggling here to stay in this building right now. I swear to God.

Joe:
Gordon, I got to cook right now.

Gordon:
Now isn’t a good time? I wish you would. I'm standing here watching a dead man walking.

Gordon:
Are they raw onions in there? What's that? Did you put raw onions in there?

Tom:
I didn’t; no.

Gordon:
Why are we doing this to each other?

Tom:
I don’t know.

Gordon:
Is this a wind-up? Look at me. You're putting raw onions in the soup. I don't know if you're just fucking around. I'm—I'm lost, Joe. Why are you doing this?

Joe:
You said earlier that it needed more onions. Okay? We responded by putting the onions in there, so they had more of a bite to it.

Gordon:
It's raw. What's the matter with you? We send that out, it’s going to come straight back!

Joe:
What do you want to hear?

Gordon:
Take it off, Joe!

Joe:
Take it off the menu?

Gordon:
86 it! Save whatever little reputation you've got left! MAN! Surely you've got a bit more respect than that! I'm trying to reason with you, Joe.

Joe:
I get it.

Gordon:
Fine.

Joe:
I get it.

Gordon:
Fine! But I am not here to show an idiot you can't put fucking raw onions in an onion soup! I can't teach you that! That's called common sense! That, in your tiny mind, is not common!

Joe:
Pardon?

Gordon:
(to Tom) Come here, you. Should we put raw onions in a caramelised onion soup?! TELL HIM!!

Tom:
(to Joe) No.

Gordon:
(to Tom) Thank you! (to Joe) You've got talented staff to tell you that! Ask your chef!

[having gathered the staff in the kitchen]

Gordon:
I've never seen this before! Every fucking fridge is full of fresh stuff and old stuff. Unfortunately, the old stuff's tainting the fresh stuff, so what you think is fresh is no longer fresh. And those poor fuckers out there are eating this.

Alyse:
Can I-?

Gordon:
No, you can't. I'm not going to let you cook any more. Yeah, that's right. You want to continue cooking? You think it's funny, do you? No, Alyse, if anyone can walk past ROTTEN food in a fridge, and continue cooking fresh, you shouldn't be FUCKIN' anywhere near food! And then when I hear, "Oh, I've never seen that before!" THEN OPEN YOUR FUCKIN' EYES!

[pause]

Peter:
I just don't believe this. You know, what happened to "check things"?

Alyse:
I don't know what happened.

Peter:
(fishing out a beer can from a bucket) What the fuck is this!? Do you guys like this shit to drink? Don't leave those in there for so long! (gestures wildly to the fridge) Look! Look in there! That's embarrassing!

Alyse:
But we don't use it.

Peter:
I can't keep up with everything! I fuckin' baby-sit you like kids! And you still fuck me! I don't need to baby-sit; if I want to baby-sit, I'd go baby-sit my granddaughter! She's more fun than you guys!

Gordon:
I’m not going to say this in front of your staff - you’re a joke.

Gordon:
You’ve taught every chef in the world how not to cook.

Amy:
I am going to really hurt somebody if they send back my cakes!

Customer:
We're waiting on one pizza.

Samy:
It's coming now. It's coming now, now.

Customer:
You keep saying that. You've been saying that for an hour.

Amy:
Look at him. He's like, "where's my pizza?"

Customer:
Heh, really?

Amy:
Send him home!

Samy:
Yeah, your pizza, it's coming. You want to wait, you wait. You don't want, pay what did you have, and you fuck off from here, do you understand?

Amy:
Samy.

Samy:
DO YOU UNDERSTAND? YOU FUCK YOURSELF! OUT, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!

Customer:
Are you fucking kidding me?

Samy:
You - OUT! Don't stay in here, go out!!

Customer:
Are you fucking kidding me right now?

Samy:
I FUCKIN' - FUCK YOU!

Amy:
Samy, please -

Customer:
I hope this place goes under.

Amy:
Call the police!

Samy:
Shut up! You pay and go!

Customer:
Pay for what? I didn't have anything! Are they for real?

Amy:
[somewhat hysterical after Samy fights several customers] This is - you guys, I make excellent food! You motherfuckers, you all... think that you can come in here and say these things? Are you kidding me!? This is ridiculous! I've never seen anything like this before!!