Law & Order, Season 4

[after he kills the man who molested his son]

Sid:
Somebody shot an animal. Call a vet.

Briscoe:
He was in the Army, in the Rangers in Vietnam. Those guys can track a leopard in the rain.

Coster:
Your honor, my client is a respected oral surgeon.

Judge Sirkin:
No dice, counselor. I've seen Marathon Man.

Attorney:
Mr. Kirk, when you leave the hospital, where are you going to go?

Kirk:
My sister said I could stay with her.

Attorney:
But things didn't work out the last time you stayed there.

Kirk:
That was her fault.

Attorney:
And when you left her house, where did you go?

Kirk:
Where I live, Bedford Street. See, there's this sonic convergence...

Attorney:
And when you go there, you get high, don't you?

Kirk:
Yes. I have to. I feel better.

Attorney:
And you buy the crack using money you won from suing the residents of Bedford Street, isn't that right?

Kirk:
They harassed me!

Attorney:
They say they're the victims.

Kirk:
I'm the victim! He tried to kill me! I may never walk right again!

Attorney:
You'll sue again, won't you, Mr. Kirk?

Kirk:
You better believe it! I'll get enough crack to last me a lifetime! And every time that son of a bitch walks out of his apartment, he'll see me, sitting in my Rolls Royce wheelchair, getting high and getting in his pudgy little face!

Logan:
I've been eager myself. It's not a crime.

[Briscoe and Logan catch C-Square]

Briscoe:
Clarence Carmichael?

C-Square:
Okay, you got me. I shot the sheriff. But the deputy, I swear, that was some other dude.

Logan:
[slaps the cuffs on C-Square] I just love rock and roll.

Briscoe:
Clarence Carmichael, you're under arrest for the rape of Julia Wood. You have the right to remain silent.

C-Square:
Yeah, you have the right to kiss my ass.

Manager:
Just keep quiet, Clarence. This is harassment. False arrest. You'll hear from our lawyers.

Briscoe:
Oh, no. Not the lawyers. I'm scared. You scared, Mike?

Logan:
I'm shakin' in my blue suede shoes.

Jackson:
[testifies against Tunney] I remember the voice of the first white man who told me not to come in his store. I remember the voice of the doctor who told me I had a healthy son. And I remember the voice of the man who took out a gun and shot me.

Stone:
[after a phone call] Tunney has been out on the streets since 4:00 this afternoon.

Schiff:
What?!

Kincaid:
Where's our notice?

Stone:
Some clerk's dog ate it!

Stone:
I don't mind when you want to make new law, Norman, but next time I wish you'd choose a more deserving client.

Professor Rothenberg:
We can't always choose them, Ben.

Stone:
So it doesn't concern you that justice won't be done?

Professor Rothenberg:
My only concern is the law. I'll leave justice to a more majestic authority.

Kincaid:
[after Danielle Keyes is found not guilty] Does this ever stop bothering you?

Stone:
[sighs] No.

[A teenager is on trial for murdering his father]

Stone:
This whole story plays both ways. The father had accidents. The son was abused, or it was the other way around. But the father's not here to defend himself, so the jury could give this kid a college going-away party.

Schiff:
Kills his father, the mother defends him. Doesn't the sister have a stake in all this?

Kincaid:
We scheduled her for a statement. She didn't come in. Should I try again?

Stone:
Why? She didn't say anything before, why would she start now?

Schiff:
Before, her father was just bruised; now he's buried.

Stone:
You claim that you loved your father.

McKinnon:
I did. I did love him.

Stone:
How did you show that love? By hiding him from your friends? By telling him he's nothing? You may call that love. Most of us call it shame.

Logan:
My mother used to beat me with one hand and hold a rosary with the other. The next time I enter a church, it'll be in a pine box carried by 6 of my friends.

Schiff:
Next, I'd like to see you yank out the tablecloth and leave the glasses standing. No way you should have won this case.

Stone:
I just sold them a bit of my own snake oil.

Stone:
Mr. Swann, do you routinely list killing people as part of your daily calendar?

Swann:
Mr. Stone, do you routinely lack a sense of humor?

Stone:
About murder, I have none, sir.

Swann:
You give up so easy? It doesn't make any sense, Ben; you're being totally impractical… and it's not like you.

Stone:
Obviously you don't know me. You never did.

Swann:
I guess you just weren't clever enough. [pause] I got this far, Ben.

Stone:
A lot of effort to wind up right back where you started. And in polite society, sir, you don't call people by their first name unless they ask you to - I didn't do that. You're not a friend, and you're certainly not a colleague.

Swann:
I spent 8 years earning the right to call you whatever the hell I want!

Schiff:
You can't force the other side to play. You put a check in the win column and you count your blessings.

Stone:
In any other circumstances, that's exactly what I'd do.

Schiff:
Why does this kid deserve such special attention?

Stone:
Because he's pleading for the wrong reason. His lawyer tells him that he's born bad. We tell him he's raised bad. He buys both stories. Sees his life as a dead end.

Schiff:
Maybe he knows his life better than you do. Your job is to convict, not to rehabilitate.

Stone:
He's a 14-year-old kid who gave up.

Schiff:
So you're doing him a favor.

Stone:
If he gave up his illusions, right, but he gave up hope and I drove him to that. Now anything might happen to that kid in prison.

Schiff:
Gary Gilmore. Westley Dodd. 2 unrepentant killers. Everybody wants them dead until they agree, and then we turn them into folk heroes.

Stone:
We had nothing to do with their fates.

Schiff:
You want them to start naming churches after you, I'd get another profession. Take the kid's plea. Move on to the next case.

Stone:
We're trying to save your life, young man.

Pollitt:
What's the point?

[A defense lawyer is attempting to discredit the prosecution's Korean-American eyewitness with expert testimony that cross-racial identification is unreliable.]

Judge:
You have an expert witness?

Lawyer:
I do, judge: a psychologist.

Stone:
Why didn't we hear about this in pre-trial motions?

Lawyer:
Gee, Ben, I'm sorry. I was a little late with my legal research.

Stone:
You knew about this weeks ago; you warned me that this witness would be a problem.

Lawyer:
[Hurried] I don't recall that.

Judge:
Off the record, please. [His scribe stops typing] I can't prove this, Tom, but I think you're lying.

Lawyer:
Your honor, I don't think -

Judge:
Don't play dumb with me. You didn't want Ben to know where you were going. I'll let you have your witness, but one of these days, you're gonna get caught, you'll get disbarred, and I'll be there to applaud.

Schiff:
Quick, lock the door; someone might walk in with a case we could win.

Stone:
Come on, Adam, the jury didn't buy it. Cross-racial identification, it's bogus.

Schiff:
I wouldn't count your chickens; your omelette just hit the fan.

Schiff:
Young people get impatient with old people. Especially cantankerous ones.

Stone:
Oh yeah? Speaking from personal experience?

Schiff:
I'm a sweetheart. And I'm middle-aged.

Schiff:
You and the girl's lawyer want to pressure her into pleading to a lesser charge that she might not be guilty of so she won't be convicted of a more serious charge that she might be guilty of? Does that make sense?

Stone:
With our system and imperfect knowledge? Yes.

Bodega Owner:
Before him, the last white guy seen around here was Clinton. And he had the Secret Service.

Stone:
Mr. Bregman, you are possibly the stupidest criminal I have ever met.

Hotel Manager:
[seeing bloody sheets on hotel bed] My God, what happened here?

Briscoe:
My guess? The miracle of childbirth.

Logan:
[carrying out a baby] If he's a day old, call the Guinness Book of World Records.

Judge Thayer:
[to Kincaid, his ex-lover] You weren't my best, but you're proving to be my most expensive.

Stone:
Your honor, this is insufficient. The defendant is behaving as if someone else committed this crime...

Gold:
You want him on his knees, Ben?

Judge Thayer:
Walter...

Judge Schreiber:
Judge Schreiber, to you. Now, I've heard all the dodging and weaving I can take on this one. You wore the same robes I do - you know the drill. Now, if you want to dance, you can come back and dance at a trial, so let's hear it. All of it.

Schiff:
I love cases where a homicidal gun dealer is our best witness.

Parker:
Lennie, it's over. What if it was one of your kids?

Briscoe:
I don't know, but there's no statute of limitations on murder. Sweet dreams, pal.

Schiff:
Terrific. Now to win a larceny trial all we have to do is prove how the universe ends.

Stone:
He's not your typical killer.

Schiff:
He is - he killed somebody.

[About a suspect who castrated her husband]

Lt. Van Buren:
She might as well have put it through the heart.

Logan:
That's not very compassionate.

Lt. Van Buren:
What kind of life is this guy gonna have without... you know?

Logan:
Maybe he's got some other life-long pursuits.

Lt. Van Buren:
Like what? You think he plays the clarinet?

Logan:
I hope he plays the clarinet.

Briscoe:
New Hampshire. I spent a year there one weekend.

Logan:
[about Benny] You think his son knew he was an ass man?

Briscoe:
I don't care how close they were - I don't see him bragging to his kid about his latest conquest.

Logan:
But the guys down at the office are a different story.

Briscoe:
[glances at Logan] Tell me about it.

Logan:
[pause] What?

Schiff:
With a father like that...

Stone:
Benny Williams was never Pat's father. He just happened to be in the room when Pat was conceived.

Schiff:
After 20 years in this office, you'd think you'd have a sense of reality.

Stone:
Reality? The reality is that no one is willing to draw a line in the sand. Nobody is willing to say that the law is the law. And if you break it, you will be prosecuted: win, lose or draw.

Stone:
I'm responsible for my actions, not the color of my skin. And if it makes you feel good to call me a racist, fine. But if you want to know who's really responsible for racism in today's society, take a good look in the mirror.

[Logan and Briscoe are reading a young kidnapping victim's notebook of poetry for clues about who may have taken her]

Briscoe:
[reads from notebook] "Flying away on a giant beast with my suitcase in its teeth."

Logan:
That doesn't sound like Fenady to me.

Briscoe:
Wait a minute. "On leather wings, I fly beyond, on top my friend the pteradon." The flying beast is a dinosaur.

Logan:
So a brontosaurus did it.

Dr. Olivet:
[about Korey's stalker] He's invested considerably more than gas money into this. Every game, every press clipping... it's a full-time occupation.

Logan:
What's in it for him? Korey barely knows he exists.

Dr. Olivet:
The way he sees it, when she changes her running shoes, it's her way of saying hello to him. When she waves to the crowd, it's a declaration of love.

Lt. Van Buren:
And if the secret code gets jumbled, is there any chance he gets violent?

Dr. Olivet:
There's a low risk, I'd say about 5%.

Briscoe:
"If you don't play for me, I hope you don't play for anyone else"? I'd be watching my back.

Dr. Olivet:
Well, you take it as threat; he probably meant it as a curse.

Briscoe:
Right, and he whacked her with his magic wand.

Hellman:
What do you say we cut right to the chase? My client's recanting his statement.

Stone:
What's your explanation for that? He lied on his statement because he was abused as a child?

Judge Torledsky:
Shoots a man, pushes him under a truck? I've heard of overkill, but this is ridiculous. Can we get a plea here?

Rostov:
Not guilty.

Judge Torledsky:
Bail application?

Weaver:
My client has strong ties to the community.

Judge Torledsky:
And another community 12,000 miles away.

Weaver:
Your honor, my client is a citizen.

Judge Torledsky:
"Give us your tired, your poor, your vicious." Miss Kincaid?

Kincaid:
Due to the risk of flight, your honor...

Judge Torledsky:
Thank you. That's all I need to hear. I'll give this citizen his rights. He's remanded without bail. Next. [bangs gavel]

[Stone is leaving the DA's office]

Schiff:
I never thought I'd get a letter of resignation from you. Thought you'd be here long after I was gone.

Stone:
It's not entirely about you.

Schiff:
That's kind of you, thank you. Steven Green is filing an appeal.

Stone:
Based on what?

Schiff:
Coercion of a witness. Anne Madsen.

Stone:
Considering the witness is dead, the appeals court should be amused. I brought Claire up to speed on my open cases.

Schiff:
She'll be fine. And you?

Stone:
I'm clear as a bell.

Schiff:
We look like carnival hucksters. "Want a deal? Take a number. You too can have a piece of the movie rights."

Sutton:
This trial's a hummer. I don't know how you look yourself in the mirror.

Stone:
I'm Catholic, I can feel guilty about anything. But I bet my conscience is easier to live with than yours.

Stone:
There are exigent circumstances here. Tunney could be pulling the trigger while we're talking.

Judge Pongracic:
If he's your killer. Mr. McCoy's motion made the point that one of these murders was committed while Mr. Tunney was in jail.

Stone:
By a copycat, and he's not linked to the killings that Tunney's charged with.

Judge Pongracic:
I suggest you take your argument to the appellate division.

Stone:
Because you won't admit you made a mistake?

Judge Pongracic:
Keep up that tone, Mr. Stone, and I'll put you in contempt.

Kincaid:
[worried] Ben...

Stone:
You'll jail me, and you won't jail a mass murderer?

Kincaid:
Ben! I'm sure Judge Rodriguez will hear an appeal expeditiously.

Stone:
We don't have time for that.

Kincaid:
We can get an order in half an hour. I used to work for him.

Stone:
Fine.

Kincaid:
Thank you, Your Honor.

Judge Pongracic:
Give her a raise, Ben. You were about to walk out of here in cuffs.

Kincaid:
[after Danielle Keyes beats a guilty verdict on appeal] Is there ever a point where this actually stops bothering you?

Stone:
[sighs] No, there really isn't.

Logan:
My old lady had a rosary in her left hand while she beat the crap out of me with her right. The next time I go to church, six of my closest buddies will be carrying me.

Schiff:
That girl's lawyer ought to send you a thank you note.

Stone:
She'll do two years, Adam.

Schiff:
Uh-huh, and when she gets out, she'll be what, 24?

Stone:
25.

Schiff:
I'd do two years in Attica happily if I walked out 25.

Stone:
While justice must be tempered with mercy, it can never lose a sense of retribution, or it is no longer justice.

Logan:
You know, one of these days I'm gonna pack up a Winnebago.

Briscoe:
And go where?

Logan:
Upstate. New Hampshire.

Briscoe:
I spent a year there one weekend.

Kincaid:
Arnette Fenady applied for custody of Wendy Sylvester.

Schiff:
She must be crazier than we thought.

Stone:
No way a court grants her application.

Schiff:
No way she was supposed to be acquitted, either.

Kincaid:
What kind of mother could she possibly be?

Stone:
For Wendy's sake, I hope a good one.