Lexx, Season 2

His Divine Shadow:
As the last surviving insect, I knew that I would never be able to defeat the humans. But if I possessed a human body, I thought perhaps I could use humans to defeat themselves.

Zev:
Kai. You've reanimated yourself!

Kai:
Yes. I am experiencing an unfamiliar sense of motivation.

Zev:
That is a sign of life. You are not alive, are you?

Kai:
No. I am still dead. I am motivated to find more protoblood.

Stan:
You're drawn to it because you need protoblood!

Kai:
I do not normally respond to need.

Mantrid:
A love slave with a personality. How peculiar.

Mantrid:
How peculiar, times two.

Kai:
I want protoblood so that I can live

Mantrid:
You want to live? How peculiar, times three.

Mantrid:
What do you mean by 'alive'?

Zev:
Well, capable of waking up and killing people.

790:
Tweedle, you give carbon molecules a bad name.

790:
Why should she want you?

Stan:
Because I'm a man, you're a can.

Dr. Kazan:
You wear your destiny on your skin

Dr. Kazan:
Be bold, Zev. Don't compromise yourself with sentiment. Together we can own the universe. You know that this is what you want. You are one of the chosen, we both are. Seize your fate!

Zev:
Can't we just have sex instead?

Funz:
I have to say, you are hard to kill

Kai:
That has not always been the case.

Funz:
So, the question is - how do we kill you?

Kai:
The answer is, I am already dead - as you soon may be.

Zev:
I had a good life with you guys. I did all right for a girl who grew up in a box.

Moss:
Where's my buddies?

Lyekka:
I kind of ate them. They were really tasty too.

Schlemmi:
My tastes have changed. They've... shall we say, evolved?

Xev:
After what we've just been through, I know exactly what I'm looking for in a man.

Stan:
Oh yeah?

Xev:
Yes. He needs to be tall..

Stan:
[stretches] Yeah.

Xev:
...handsome...

Stan:
[confidently] Yeah...!

Xev:
...and dead.

Xev:
It's not easy being programmed for love and never finding it.

Wifebot:
Where's Stanley Tweedle! How could you?!

Kai:
What?

Wifebot:
After all we've been through, with the lies, and the drinking, and the cheap scenes with your whores! [attacks Kai with knife]

Kai:
[grabs her arm] I am not sentimental.

Kai:
I remember having a fondness for balloons.

Kai:
Being alive isn't everything.

Kai:
Inflicting more pain insults the lost souls. As they are all dead, it cannot be argued that they would get any satisfaction from [Stanley's] torture.

Grand Prosecutor Jihana:
How dare you speak for the dead!

Kai:
I am well qualified to speak for the dead.

Grand Prosecutor Jihana:
Life is full of surprises! Death, for example.

Grand Prosecutor Jihana:
You know, in every society there are certain individuals who are different from normal - they could be colour blind, for instance, or have an enhanced sense of smell. Or they could get pleasure from the suffering of others. Certain tasks that others find unpleasant might have the opposite effect on them, and it could even help them in the advancement of their career. Death excites me, Stanley. It makes me feel a special tingle - know what I mean?

Kai:
You are not interested in justice, Jihana, only cruelty.

Grand Prosecutor Jihana:
You make the two sound incompatible!

Stan:
Kai, would you really have killed Jihana if I said so?

Kai:
I asked you if you wanted me to be the enforcer of justice. If you had said yes, I would have killed the Grand Prosecutor - and then, I would have killed you, Stanley. But, in both cases, it would have been quick and painless.

Stan:
Do you really mean that?

Kai:
I have no motivation to lie.

Lorca:
Tell me Rexel, are all men pigs?

Rexel:
Oink!

Stan:
Ladies. the word is love, and I am the word. Whisper it soft, shout it strong, but say it, ladies, all night long: Stanley! Yes!

Rexel:
Aren't you eating, mister?

Kai:
No.

Stan:
The dead don't eat.

Xev:
[I don't know if it's the man in me... or the lizard in me, but suddenly I've become a lot less picky - to a point.

Xev:
[She's about to have sex with Stan] You ready?

Stan:
[coy] No

Xev:
Well I am, and that's what counts in this relationship.

Xev:
Come on baby. Oh, gently. Who's your daddy? Oh, who's your daddy?!

Stan:
You. Oh!

Xev:
[after she's taken Stan] Don't leave, make me something to eat first.

Lorca:
Running away, ladies?

Jebed:
Oh, oh Lorca. It's horrible. What are we gonna do?

Lorca:
You're gonna lie down and spread 'em - and I'm gonna jump on and ride 'em

Rexel:
You pig!

Lorca:
Oink!

Stan:
Oh Lexx, you are one remarkable bug!

Lexx:
I love you too, Stan.

790:
All men are unimportant, Xev darling - except for the head man.

Pa:
I'm Pa, but you can call me Pa.

Pa:
We Golene's is smart, see? So we, we exscaped.

Pa:
See, there ain't no law here, so we done taken a vote, see, the upshot of which is, it's gonna be now Captain Pa, not Captain Stan.

Stan:
No. No no, no, we didn't take a vote!

Pa:
Yeah, we took a vote. I'm the only one what gets to vote.

Pa:
I gots all the votes, so I does all the dee-cidin', see?

Sissy:
[eyeing Stan] Little ole me is getting kinda sleepy too. Is there a place somewhere where I could lay my head for a while?

Stan:
Yeah.

Sissy:
Maybe you could tuck me in, you being so nice and gentlemanly and everything...?

Stan:
And everything, yeah!

Pa:
Junior! The reason I gots the votes in the family is directly correlated to the fact that in this family, the brains ain't evenly distributed. Some gots more, some gots less. You understand?

Junior:
Nope.

Pa:
[sees Kai approaching] Ew. The law!

Kai:
Law?

Pa:
Yeah, I know it when I sees it.

[Kai hauls in Xev, using his brace]

Xev:
Thanks for the lift.

Kai:
I remember I used to like fishing.

790:
If I only had a body, I'd be more than just a head;

If I only had a body, I would slap her on the bed

Stan:
A signal? Why didn't you wake me?

790:
It was a distress signal. They only lead to trouble, so I always ignore them.

[The crew are discussing landing on a planet]

Kai:
Any atmosphere?

790:
A very thin one. Xev would require a pressure suit. Stanley would not.

Stan:
Why not?

790:
Because a pressure suit would allow you to continue to breathing, which is a bad idea.

Kai:
Being dead means not having an opinion.

Xev:
We've found somebody alive. There could be more.

Stan:
Somebody, what kind of somebody?

Xev:
A female somebody.

Stan:
Female. Is she attractive?

Xev:
Is that all that matters to you?

Stan:
Yeah, pretty much.

Kai:
I am Kai, last of the Brunnen G

Berf:
You could be the last of the cockroaches for all I care, I'm still gonna tear you apart!

Xev:
How's it going, 790? 790? Where are you?

790:
Here, my love - but I'm more than 790 now. You can call me 791 - the one for you. It's our day of destiny, Xev. I am whole, and wholly yours.

Cyborg:
You're not pretty - but you're my kind of not pretty.

Desh:
Thank you for your assistance. Now die.

Xev:
You may still only be a head, 790, but you're the best head I ever had.

Laleen:
Love leaks puke juice.

Kai:
You know what, Gibble? You're a rotten kid. You dumped gongslanger into the toilet, and you wake the dead. And when you wake the dead, fatso, form dictates, you join 'em! Eat up! Chow down!

Laleen:
They say I'm nasty. Bad times nasty times grrrr.

Kai:
Kill, kill, kill! Inventive. Kill fast, slow, ripping the sick fuck - major psycho rampage. Bitching! Maggot retirement home!

Kai:
Nobody moves.

Xev:
Kai - it's me, Xev...!

Kai:
Not for long.

Kai:
I’ve killed mothers with their babies! I've killed great philosophers, proud young warriors and revolutionaries. I have killed the good, the evil, the weak and the beee-autiful. I have done this in the service of His Divine Shadow and his Predecessors - and apparently, the fun never stops!

Kai:
Who's first?

Stan:
Me!

Xev:
No, me!

Stan:
Me.

Kai:
Oh, this is sweet! Well, we'll just have to take turns. How about I take a little bit of each - and then a little bit more [he aims his axe at Xev's breasts] - and then a little bit more [he aims at Stanley's crotch] - and more!

Xev:
He ran out of protoblood...

Stan:
Good timing, Kai!

790:
Oh, universe of cruelty!

Woz:
Breathe in for the sisters, breathe out for the brothers.

Kai:
I do not give anything any thought when I am frozen.

Xev:
I think we're all lucky to be still alive.

Kai:
Some of us.

Kai:
Life is a harder stage to achieve than death.

790:
[advising Zev] Always choose the robot over the dead man.

[Brizon seems dead]

Kai:
Mouth to mouth resuscitation would seem a reasonable action.

Stan:
Well, go ahead.

Kai:
One must have breath to give it.

Xev:
You are a monster.

Brizon:
No, I am a parasite. And you are my host...ess.

Mantrid:
[to Brizon] You, my friend, are a leaking boil on the anus of a cancerous rodent, squeaking from a damned corner of oblivion!

790:
If I only had an arm, I'd be more than just a head. If I only had an arm, I would strangle Tweedle dead.

790:
Do you have any idea what you are doing, or am I correct in observing that you are a ridiculous know-nothing attempting to gain a tiny modicum of understanding of how that device works?

Stan:
I've taken lots of things apart before.

790:
But were you able to put any of them back together?

Kai:
[to Mantrid]: I know that I am dead. But you believe you are alive, and you should know that life is always full of surprises.

Kai:
Mantrid... I do not experience pleasure, but my - friends are deriving satisfaction from the knowledge that their deaths will be simultaneous with yours.

Xev:
You are a machine. We are human. And we have beaten you!

Mantrid:
Ha. Ha. Ha.

Kai:
In the end, you're just a calculator. You may rule the universe, but this universe is collapsing. You have moved too much mass too quickly to one point. This universe was born in a big bang, and now it is about to die in a big collapse.

Mantrid:
You have played well.

Kai:
You should have made better use of your human side.

Mantrid:
I concede the game to you.

Kai:
[nods] Good riddance.

Mantrid:
[speaking from his little box, he's inside the Lexx] I destroyed the universe! I destroyed the universe! I destroyed the universe! I destroyed the universe! [shrieking] I destroyed the universe!

Xevi:
And we destroyed you! [she crushes the box under her heel]