Little Mosque on the Prairie, Season 2

Rayyan:
I don't just fix wrists; I can break them too, you know!

Rayyan:
Well, it's not about winning.

Sarah:
So what's it about?

Rayyan:
It's about the principle of the thing.

Sarah:
No, really, what's it about? I have no clue what you're talking about.

Fatima:
A Muslim likes to be buried with other Muslims. On his right side.

Fred:
What, is it better for your back?

Baber:
I want to be buried with other Muslims, on my side, facing Mecca, and I want it now!

Amaar:
You sure you don't want to wait till you're dead? It's less claustrophobic.

Sarah:
[making community announcements] There's an Interfaith Council meeting... Ah, who cares about that?

Fatima:
what is that? Over there?

Baber:
Mecca.

Fatima:
No, you ignorant man. Between us and Mecca.

Baber:
[reading the sign] Belt Buckle z?

Fatima:
I do not want to spend eternity looking at a saloon.

Baber:
You idiot. You.... ruined my death.

Yasser:
[Trying to sell a cemetery plot] What do I need to do to put you in a grave today?

Sarah:
[making announcements again] And then when I was twelve we got a turtle...

Baber:
We do not want to spend eternity watching a bunch of cowboys drinking.

Patron:
Yeah, well, maybe us cowboys don't want to drink while being watched by a bunch of dead Muslims.

Amaar:
You're ignoring the larger issue: this makes me look bad.

Baber:
Best outreach event ever, Amaar.

Amaar:
We didn't get any visitors.

Baber:
That's exactly my point!

Layla:
No one ever says they hate me like that.

Baber:
You can't talk by yourself for an entire hour and expect people to listen!

Amaar:
That's no different than what I do here at the Mosque.

Baber:
Ah, you said it, not me!

Baber:
How will anyone know that you're finally embracing your modesty unless we show you off, uh?

Amaar:
Nobody's spinning any schnauzer.

Fatima:
I think it's a lovely hijab, Layla. You look like a big, grown... [Baber leaves the room] What is going on here?

Yasser:
that is why I will build you a new one for nothing.

Amaar:
"Nothing" nothing or "Yasser" nothing?

Yasser:
It's a work-in-progress.

Amaar:
But you said "Consider it done".

Yasser:
Which you're not doing.

Baber:
Today at school, she kept waiting for me to leave.

Fatima:
I am always waiting for you to leave.

Baber:
What is she hiding under there? Is it, huh, pierced ears? A hickey? A hickey piercing!

Baber:
It is my duty to do something stupid!

Baber:
Is there something that you've been keeping from your classmates?

Layla:
Yes! You!

Layla:
A lot of girls in our class have bellybuttons.

[about a woman with a niqab]

Amaar:
She's a Muslim who's come here to pray. Outside chance, she's a ninja.

Yasser:
What did you and your wife talk about?

Baber:
uhh... Our divorce?

Yasser:
Before that?

Baber:
We... had this fight about my toenails... I-It's not important!

Fred:
You always think people are trying to hypnotize you. Remember last year at the talent contest?

Joe:
Yeah, but that guy was a hypnotist!

Fred:
Ventriloquist!

Joe:
Yeah but the dummy... those eyes...

Mayor Popowicz:
What is he talking about? Is there a beheading issue? [...] Sara cares very much about her Muslim sisters. I've never seen you interacting with them, but I'm sure you care on some level.

Fred:
Well here's my idea: first thing we need is an angry mob...

Sarah:
Found it!

Fred:
I knew there had to be a law against burkas!

Sarah:
No, a law against marigolds.

Fred:
Is that some kind of weird Muslim thing?

Sarah:
No, the flower. I hate marigolds. In 1927 they banned them on Main Street.

Fred:
[stares]

Sarah:
I'll keep looking

Yasser:
I have to leave my daughter's in jail.

Baber:
If you don't want to help me just say so!

Joe:
Even now she could be in control of my mind.

Fatima:
Nobody is in control of your mind.

Yasser:
Ladies, please! Let's not turn this prison visit into something unpleasant.

Baber:
I don't know the first thing to say to her! Or the second, or the fourth!

Yasser:
You missed out the third.

Baber:
I know the third. "My name is Baber, sister. What is yours?"

Joe:
[in the holding cell] Boy this place looks bigger when you're sober.

Reverend Magee:
Earlier I may have ransacked your office but I'm very disappointed in you.

Mayor:
Is the mosque building a hydrogen bomb?

Sarah:
No, of course not!

Mayor:
I don't understand, what other kind of bomb uses that much water?

Sarah:
They are not building a bomb. It's probably just the wudu.

Mayor:
Oh, where you sacrifice a chicken and everybody dances around.

Sarah:
No, that is voodoo. This is wudu, it's a washing ritual. Befor we pray, Muslims have to wash each body part three times.

Mayor:
It's like your entire religion is based on obsessive compulsive disorder.

Sarah:
Well, Christians have holy water.

Mayor:
Yes, but we don't go spraying it around all over the place, unless there's a vampire camp.

Baber:
Finally a real Imam with a beard!

Amaar:
Everybody reads from the same Qur'an.

Baber:
Yes, but his is not the pocket book edition.

Rayyan:
We have got the whole system on a timer so that we're not wasting power in the middle of the night.

Ali:
So what powers the timer?

Nancy:
Some of my best friends are Muslims.

Fatima:
Who?

Nancy:
Er... Faruq... Abdul... Halal... I really don't have any Muslim friends.

Nancy:
I was hoping to get some pie.

Fatima:
We all hope for a lot of things.

Amaar:
Seeing is believing.

Nancy:
Yes, but believing is also believing and it's a lot faster.