Numb3rs, Season Two

[Talking about a girl with interest in Don]

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
You know, that term "dark matter" has always perplexed me. It fallaciously implies that the 95% of our universe that cannot be observed is some amorphous, eventless emptiness.

Amita Ramanujan:
I'm sorry?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
I guess it's all too human. Instead of admitting to the present limits of our knowledge, we just declare things to be unknowable.

Charlie Eppes:
We all use math every day: to predict weather, to tell time, to handle money. Math is more than formulas or equations; it's logic, it's rationality, it's using your mind to solve the biggest mysteries we know.

Don Eppes:
Until we find dead bodies, this is still a search and rescue.

Larry Fleinhardt:
[challenging Charlie to a game of air hockey] My physics versus your geometry.

Charlie Eppes:
Why do they want pictures of us?

Don Eppes:
[yells] He's a famous mathematician!

Charlie Eppes:
Don't do that.

Don Eppes:
Hey, get your vogue on, Charlie.

Charlie Eppes:
It's from someone who says she's a fan of my work. She's also a fan of my … hair.

Charlie Eppes:
You know, this isn't the first love letter I've ever received. When I published my first article in the American Journal of Mathematics, I was invited to spend the weekend at a bed and breakfast in Santa Barbara.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Did you go?

Charlie Eppes:
Ah, I was fourteen. My mother had to break the news to a very embarassed female professor at Berkeley.

Charlie Eppes:
Agent Sinclair, you just happen to be talking to two card-carrying members of the North American Sundial Society.

David Sinclair:
Let the good times roll.

Colby Granger:
It's a white-collar fraud case. Nobody expected Martha Stewart to go down in a hail of bullets.

Don Eppes:
[to bodyguards] I'm assuming you all have permits for those bulges in your jackets?

Alan Eppes:
[to Don] My hope for grandchildren has been rekindled!

Charlie Eppes:
Larry, I was there when he gave that paper. And you stood up and called him a big fat cheater in front of a room full of people.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Well, no. Now, you're exaggerating. That room could not have been more than half full.

Colby Granger:
You assulted a federal agent with a deadly weapon.

Henry Korfelt:
It was a Volkswagen.

Don Eppes:
So what does your behavioral science training tell you about a grown man who still lives with his mother?

Megan Reeves:
About as much as two brothers still mooching meals at their dad's house three nights a week.

Charlie Eppes:
Hey, hey, don't get all Fleinhardt on me. It's just the Physics Department Paper Airplane contest.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Fleinhardt? Since when did my last name become a predicate adjective?

Charlie Eppes:
Since your students started using it that way.

Don Eppes:
Who made this?

Charlie Eppes:
Me. Why?

Don Eppes:
Well, the wings are a bit thin.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Hey, wait, wait, let me see this.

Charlie Eppes:
Forgive me if all my years in advanced applied mathematics take issues with that assessment.

Don Eppes:
Well, forgive me if all my years in high school detention say I'm right.

Megan Reeves:
[holding up a coffeebox used as a bioterrorism weapon] I love these. They make great lattes.

Charlie Eppes:
Dad would be so happy if we married a doctor.

Don Eppes:
Yeah, well, Dad would be happy if I married someone with a pulse.

Charlie Eppes:
The only keg party I ever threw [in college], he stole the keg.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
You know, Don, you and I are very alike. We are both focused on large possibly unattainable goals. Me trying to explain the workings of the universe …

Don Eppes:
And what am I doing? Trying to take all those unworkable workings and put them in jail. Yeah, good luck to both of us.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Wisdom and genius: rarely present in equal abundance.

Charlie Eppes:
(Reffering to Marshall Penfeild) What the Hell is that son of a bitch doing here?

Don Eppes:
What's the deal? There are more people here in the middle of the night than at ten in the morning. It's like the FBI.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Curiosity. Not good for cats, great for scientists.

Charlie Eppes:
I need the fastest way to the computer lab.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
I know a shortcut through Metallurgy.

Charlie Eppes:
Is that the kind of stuff you talk about with Megan at lunch?

Don Eppes:
Wait, hold on. You and Megan went out to lunch?

Alan Eppes:
Please tell me you ordered something other than white food.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
This was a meal shared by two inquisitive minds in an intellectual pursuit.

Charlie Eppes:
Of course it was, like all of your lunches with David. Oh, and with Colby.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
A gamma ray burst will release more energy in ten seconds than the sun will ever emit in its ten billion year lifespan.

Don Eppes:
I got it, what's the Hulk's real name?

Charlie Eppes:
Um, Bruce Banner.

Don Eppes:
That's right. Didn't gamma rays turn him into the Hulk?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
[ignoring them] They come from the farthest ends of the universe, and after 45 years, we're still uncertain of their origin.

Alan Eppes:
And?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
And we're closer to an answer on that than the three of you will ever get on this.

[Larry leaves]

Charlie Eppes Megan …

Don Eppes:
… and Larry.

Alan Eppes:
Now, there's an image.

Colby Granger:
[referring to Ian Edgerton] They say that guy's the bastard son of Clint Eastwood and Yoda.

David Sinclair:
[referring to Colby's Fasination with Ian Edgerton] I'll get you an autograph.

Alan Eppes:
Please tell me that the food will be a color other than white.

Larry Fleinhardt:
My predilection to white food is not pathological …

Amita Ramanujan:
So, Larry, what are you going to do with all of your stuff?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Oh, I don't know. Hey, you can take home your dinnerware if you want.

Charlie Eppes:
There's a symmetry to my chaos.

Don Eppes:
Hey boys, how we doing? What's for breakfast?

Charlie Eppes:
Toast and tori.

Don Eppes:
Tori? What do you mean, that looks like Cheerio's.

Charlie Eppes:
Tori, plural of torus. A shape with a hole in it.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Well, topologically speaking.

Don Eppes:
Mind if I have a rectangle?

[Larry and Charlie are in the tub fully clothed, conducting an experiment]

Alan Eppes:
No, I don't want to know what's going on.

Alan Eppes:
I still have to take a shower.

[Larry holds up the hose]

Alan Eppes:
No.

Don Eppes:
It's okay. He's a mathematician. He speaks his own language.

Alan Eppes:
You're ruining the game for the schmucks who play it to enjoy.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Yeah, well, those are the schmucks who should stick to slot machines.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
[at sea, doing experiments] I'm going to go search for some dramamine.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
[after realizing where a thief would strike] my LIGO lab?

Don Eppes:
Commie!

Alan Eppes:
G-Man!

Charlie Eppes:
What flavor of crazy Kool-Aid do they make you drink before you join the physics department?

Victor Borrego:
You - you think I had something to do with this? Are you kidding?

Colby Granger:
No, I got a whole 'nother kidding face.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
We can only see the universe through the limited prism of our senses.

Charlie Eppes:
All right, let's all sit down around a Ouija board and try to solve P vs. NP once and for all.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Nine! Nine! Nine!

Alan Eppes:
Back off, Rain man.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
[running through the CalSci campus in swimming trunks] Eureka! It's Archimedes all over again!

Alan Eppes:
What is wrong with you? Amita is beautiful, this girl's a stunner; what do you need?

Don Eppes:
I think he just wants to be the cutest in bed.

Charlie Eppes:
Hey, Amita, do you remember that we were going to do that one thing earlier?

Amita Ramanujan:
What thing?

Charlie Eppes:
That thing you said we needed to do. Let's go do it.

[Charlie and Amita leave]

Megan Reeves:
What was that?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Merely a very crude attempt at lending privacy.

Don Eppes:
Charlie, look. If I'm gonna rule her death a homicide, I need more than skating metaphors.

Don Eppes:
I'm cool until everything quiets down. Then it's like my head is a bad neighborhood to be in.

David Sinclair:
What's the first thing a New Yorker notices about L.A.?

Megan Reeves:
No good pizza.

David Sinclair:
Okay, what's the second thing?

Charlie Eppes:
We're gonna need the surveillance footage and some tripods, a laser pointer … and we're gonna need string.

Don Eppes:
String?

Charlie Eppes:
Lots of string.

Charlie Eppes:
I realize the only thing I'm really afraid of is being afraid again.

Koketsu Sensei:
Where'd you study?

Megan Reeves:
I teach Krav Maga at the Y.

David Sinclair What're we gonna to do about it?

Colby Granger:
I guess that depends on how many beers we've got left in that bag.

Amita Ramanujan:
Oh, by the way … Larry called, from his string theory conference. He was confused about something.

Charlie Eppes:
What, his-his double special relativity theory?

Amita Ramanujan:
No. Whether he was in St. Louis or Cleveland.

Charlie Eppes:
[sighs] He's so geographically challenged. Where is his conference?

Amita Ramanujan:
Minneapolis.

Colby Granger:
[after David Sinclair was shot] He says to tell you he wants back ASAP, and that no, I can't have his desk.

Lt. Gary Walker:
I tried something a little unorthodox. I consulted a mathematician.

Don Eppes:
Hey Chuck you need some help back there? C'mon Susie Homemaker, we're ready to eat.

Charlie Eppes:
If you call me Chuck one more time I swear,

Don Eppes:
Yeah alright how 'bout "Chucky"?

Charlie Eppes:
Chucky, how about I call you "Donald"?

Don Eppes:
How about I called you "nerd"?

David Sinclair:
[panting from chasing after a suspect] Why do they always run?

Colby Granger:
'Cause we wear suits, man. You always figure you can outrun a guy in a suit.

Charlie Eppes:
[To Amita when she is leaving, clearly upset] What, did I say something I shouldn't have?

Amita Ramanujan:
I don't know, Charlie. It's just that my job is starting to feel like it's all about your job.

Colby Granger:
[to David Sinclair as they walk into a Chinese strip club] We're the only white people in here.

David Sinclair:
Yes … [looks at Granger] we are.

Charlie Eppes:
Dad got shot. During a hold-up at a grocery store. It was pretty … upsetting.

Don Eppes:
Yeah, I bet.

Charlie Eppes:
And Mom made pancakes.

Don Eppes:
Pancakes?

Charlie Eppes:
I don't even dream normally.

David Sinclair:
Colby likes the boyfriend for it. (the murder)

Don Eppes:
Yeah? And why is that?

David Sinclair:
Guy claims he and Charlotte Daniels agreed not to have sex.

Megan Reeves:
And in Granger's mind that immediately makes him a suspect.