Outnumbered, Series 1

Sue:
It's my fault, Veronica. I should never have shown Ben how to reply to an email.

Pete:
So Ben sent an email pretending to be you?

Karen:
Mum!

Sue:
Well actually -

Karen:
Mum!

Sue:
She's got nits. I'm halfway through.

Pete:
Oh God, it's these parents isn't it? They know their kids have got them and they just merrily pack them off to school.

Sue:
(grimacing guiltily) I know.

Pete:
Oh no. You're not checking your email.

Sue:
There's one from Veronica.

Pete:
Especially not one from Veronica.

Sue:
Oh no, Veronica. No. I am not having that.

Pete:
No, don't reply. That's fatal because then she'll reply and then you'll be tempted to reply to her reply and then you'll get caught up in that Pandora's... circle.

Pete:
You could do with Ramadan lasting all year round, couldn't you Kamal?

Sue:
Is she eating?

Pete:
She keeps banging on about how that's not her bowl.

Sue:
It's not her bowl, because I broke her bowl this morning and had to drive all the way to Ikea to get her one that's identical but it IS identical.

Pete:
Then how does she know it's not her bowl?

Sue:
I dunno. She must have powers!

When Sue and the kids are playing The Lying Game in the car.

Karen:
I like Auntie Angela.

Sue:
That's lovely sweetheart. Erm, anyway, let's get on with the game.

Karen:
That was part of the game.

Karen:
What does it feel like to be old? Is it nice?

Granddad:
Beats being dead.

Pete:
How's school?

Jake:
It's school.

Pete:
It was cool?

Jake:
It was school. School's school! Jesus!

Steven:
I'm Rory's dad - Steven. Ben's told us all about you. He's quite a kid, isn't he?

Pete:
Yes, he's quite a kid.

Steven:
He's told us all about you.

Pete:
Has he?

Steven:
Oh yes, he's obviously very proud. So tell me, what's Gordon Brown really like?

Karen:
Mummy, do you believe in God?

Sue:
Mummy's unblocking the sink, darling.

Karen:
(sees Angela crying) Has Grandad died?

Ben:
Can I watch Little Britain?

Pete:
Have a guess.

Ben:
Yes.

Pete:
Have another guess.

Jake:
Do dinner parties always end like that?

Pete:
The ones when your Auntie Angela is invited do.

Angela:
What part of India are you from?

Ravi:
Pakistan.